"Formation, transformation, eternal mind's eternal recreation."
Goethe

May 31, 1990. The creature's genesis:

I picture myself as innocence touched with rage,
angered at a world that refuses to change.
my animal is the chameleon,
as I camouflage the pain I feel.

Insights into the chameleon. Rage I (Sep13-1991) & Untitled (Nov19-1991):

Rage I

Concealed rage
pressurizes.
manipulated inhibitions,
intoxicated moments,
delight in my collapse,
watch me swell with sin and shrink in pride,
hold me to promises broken as I myself shatter.

Tote me along, a cub without a home --
gratification granted without conscience,
"build your house on my foundation of sand."

You could give me everything I desire, except justice.
a wasting life, I roll with time,
I tread an all too familiar path.
due to inexperience and fear,
I just sit here, perched on the edge,
pressurizing
concealed rage.

Untitled

I hate society.
But I am society.
I hate my death desire.
But it attracts me.
I hate my lack of motivation.
But I'm too tired to move.
I hate my indecision.
But I'm too scared to mess up.
I hate making excuses.
But how else can I be justified in approach?
I hate materialism.
But I can't stop buying.
I hate it all, wish it would fuck off.
Leave me alone.

March 9, 1992. The chameleon befriends an adjective:

I desired to flex
the slippery shades of suggestion.
I wanted to tamper
With my wired existence.
But I needed voltage for my vampirical nature …
so I summoned it forth.

April 28, 1992. The two words come together:

I incorporate personalities to illuminate decay
cryptic indulgence appreciates revolutionary supplementation.
Committed to unexplored intensity
-- a thirst
to acquire
and adapt --
unrestrained transformation for the vampircal chameleon.

Insights into the Vampirical Chameleon. Cursed (Apr12-1992) & Untitled (May27-1992):

Cursed

escaping to sin to ease the sin.
society's umbilical cords refusing to disconnect me -
tapped into my bloodstream,
granting me a reprieve
from its one million pounds per square inch.

Untitled

i was born into this world
the world was born into me.
i did not shape it,
i could not shape it upon my arrival.
therefore, my present state is that of the world's.

September 20, 1992. While spinning the words "vampirical" and "chameleon" -- "VamCham" debuts.

May 14, 1993. An observation of nature and nurture:

A vampire is socially inept unless he is invited into one's home.
I overcome that obstacle by possessing a double identity --
and it is the chameleon's function to make sure I get in.

April 29, 1993. Glimpsing the future:

it's about inner achings and multiplied makings

May 16, 1995. After a long period of hibernation VamCham momentarily flickers under the influence of a now self-conscious ego:

I am life.
Love me.

-- and, as quickly as it flared, his flame is extinguished.

For months there was a struggle to determine whether or not Vamkam was a dead entity. It was wondered how the angered tone of this creature and his past could be overcome, since so much of him was now irrelevant to his alter-ego. Vamkam no longer adequately reflected this alter-ego and its newly evolving worldview/philosophy. Greg had evolved, but Vamkam had not. Alienated and saddened, the struggle to merge the two continued with no forseeable resolution.

June 11, 1996. "VamCham" is altered to "Vamkam," as many see the "ch" as soft ("sh") instead of hard (ch=k). The change, uncomfortable at first, is accepted.

June 27, 1996. From an ongoing fitful struggle came this brief eruption:

I am the meaning, the exaltation and glory of existence !!

August 19, 1996. Vamkam undergoes a lightning transformation:

From rock, tree, water, animal, and air
I breathe life, give life --
I bestow life to the lifeless.
Interpreter, amplifier, chemist, poet, --
I am all these and more.
I am everything; in everything I see me; --
slivers of the self
shivers through the self.
I live to create myself, to seed existence --
to give birth to myself!
I am man -- I am God --
Creature and Creator --

I am the Vampirical Chameleon!
I am the meaning, the splendor and exaltation of existence!!

April 2001. In the beginning VamCham was an animal of poetry. He was angry, intense, uncertain, tortured, unhappy, drunken, violent, repressed. Then he went to sleep as his alter-ego went on a long journey.

Rising from his slumbers, when Vamkam came to his senses he found so many things had changed. He realized poetry was no longer an adequate means to express and describe these changed inner states and emotions. He became a creature and creator of a slightly more technical nature, entering the realm of philosophy.

After years of romping and frolicking in the philosopher's garden, composing treatises in honor and celebration of his newfound nature, he can sense things are going to change again in the not too distant future. Where he goes from here, how he is going to evolve, he is not entirely certain.

But through the tumultuous precedents of the past and the thoughtful principles of the present, he understands enough, he is resilient enough, to know that whatever the future may bring, he will embrace, absorb and make it his own.

"she said you can paint your sky any color, it's all up to you,
she said you can paint your dark as dark as you need, and she said
you can paint your light as light as you please, it's all up to you."
The God Machine