The issue of homosexuality has long been a censored topic within the American culture and absolutely silenced in the Vietnamese community. Vietnamese-Americans, particularly the middle and older generations, turn their backs on this matter and many have even been apathetic to its existence.
The fact is that there are Vietnamese homosexuals and this group is very vocal and active in the Vietnamese community.
The following is an open forum discussion involving several homosexual Vietnamese men.
When was the first instant that you realized you were gay?
Alex: I was about 6 years old. I was reading comic book, Tarzan. I remember looking at the pictures with Tarzan and the jungle, tribes running around in their loin cloth, and I remember I had an erection. Didn't know what it was called. Didn't know why I had this feeling. At one time, my mom caught me, and even though I didn't understand homosexuality, I knew it was not something that I could talk about.
Chien: In high school, freshman year.
Anonymous: As long as I could remember that I had desires, they were for men. Elementary school, probably 3rd or 4th grade, I had crushes on mentors, instructors. A Vietnamese tutor, I guess it was my first feeling toward a man.
Clayton: I knew I was gay when I was very young, maybe 5 or 6. Something happened in my life that basically blocked my sexuality for a long, long time. Up until 4 years ago when I dealt with that part, the question of my sexuality came up. I actually had no problem claiming or reclaiming that I'm gay.
Armand: I think we all know , share the same point of view that we are born with it. Depends on what kind of environment we were brought up with , or what kind of exposure... But I think as a child, I always favored my uncles over my aunts.
Troy: When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I would look at girls and at the same time I would... kind of look at other boys and stuff.
Benny: In Vietnam, I thought that perhaps I could be gay. When I came to the U.S., I read Doi Dien magazine, a publication for gay Vietnamese. I tried to make some contact and was introduced to lots of gay friends, and gay life. I was so happy to find those who are like myself.
Ha: 5 years old. I remember wearing a red ring, a girl's ring but I didn't know. The neighborhood kids would ask, "Are you be-de?" (pe'de' is French for gay), and I would go, "What's be-de?" But I guess I knew. Without difficulty.
Tuan: From a very young age. It wasn't like one day I decided to become gay. It went even before my sexuality began, I think.
Linh: My mother wanted me to be a girl, so she would dress me up and let me play dolls. But I think I was born gay.
Thanh: I knew for sure that I was gay when I was 13, 14 years old in Vietnam, but the first gay experience I had with a friend when I was 9 years old. I was growing up in Vietnam at that time.
Chuong: 8, 9 years old. I used to play with girls instead of boys.
Jonathan: Since I was little. I've always been attracted to men.
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The coming out experience, how was it?
Alex: I was in a relationship for 9 1/2 years with a Caucasian. In 1991, he got his first case of PCP (pneumocystis carinii pneumonia). At the time I didn't have the support of my family 'cause I wasn't out to them. They kind of knew that I was living with this guy and he was sick, but they did not want to deal with it. After he died in 1992, I felt so abandoned because here I was having this 9 1/2-year relationship and my family, the people around me did not recognize that fact. To them, it was a passing phase. I felt cheated out of the privileges that the heterosexuals might enjoy, you know, when a lover passed on then you'd have the tight family and friends come around and support you, and I did not have that. So I decided to tell my mother. At first she was very shocked. I'm the only son. She was worried about how I would carry on the family name and stuff like that.
Chien: I was struggling for 8 years to hide my identity, to try to be straight and all that. Try to get a girlfriend, maybe get married, have kids. Maybe I can change my sexuality. In college, I read books to find some answer. I'm not totally open yet. To my straight friends, not at all.
Anonymous: I'm not 100% open about my sexual orientation. The topic of sex, sexuality and gender identity is more openly discussed in mainstream America. With the Vietnamese culture, I'm not sure if it's the sexuality, the gender, the identity, but I think sex is not discussed. A lot of topics is taboo. In that sense I think it's difficult for me to be out with the family. Especially in Vietnamese families, there's a lot of attachment where any member of the family represents the family to the public, always. So, if I'm not accepted to the society, it reflects on my family also. I tried to come out to my family already, and they were not very accepting. I am out in a lot of realms like at work, at school. My peers, my classmates know I'm gay. I'm more closeted, I guess, within the Vietnamese community.
Clayton: I came out 4 years ago, with my parents, my family, the people at work, I guess I'm totally out.