Troy: I came out to everyone about 4,5 months ago. To my closest friends about 9, 10 months ago. It's been quite an experience. I was afraid to tell my best friend, who's heterosexual. I was dreading the experience, but after I told him, he totally supported me, and was like, is that all?! My sisters and brothers, they all know, except for my parents. With my parents... I think in a gay man's life, it's your parents that's the hardest to deal with. They raise you up, and they have all these things in mind for you. I want to give my parents time to assimilate to and afterwards I will let them know that I do find men attractive.
Ha: In Vietnam I only had a gay friend. Here, I'm not 100% out yet. My family suspects because they know my housemates are gay. But I try to avoid the subject.
Tuan: There are different levels of coming out. The very first time that I fell in love with somebody, it was a concrete physical and emotional experience. I was about 13 years old and I accepted that I was a gay person. When I had my first gay relationship, I was away from home, 23 years old. It ended. I called up my sister and told her about it, so the issue of relationship was directly discussed and not my homosexuality. She was very accepting.
Linh: I'm not certain that I'm 100% out. But my family knows. The relatives and neighbors know. I don't volunteer the information, but through my actions, most people know. I haven't yet experienced any negative reactions. I'm lucky to have my family and friends' support.
Thanh: The coming out took a long time. By chance I got to know the mainstream American gay community my first year in the university. I started to go to gay clubs after that, I became active in leading a gay lifestyle and in dealing with gay issues such as fighting for the freedom of being gay and being visible. Coming out is a process. First with one's self. Then with those close to him. Finally, the public. You take a big risk when you come out. Eventhough I consider myself an openly gay man, at work I haven't told anyone, except a couple of people who are gay themselves.
Chuong: "Don't ask. Don't tell" is the motto of my family. They know, of course, but we never talk about it. Sometimes they would ask me how come I don't get married. They care about my happiness though, that's the bottom line.
Jonathan: 3 or 4 years ago, I came out with my family. It was a positive experience. Only one of my sisters couldn't understand it, the rest was very supportive. I think when you're comfortable with who you are, and you have people who love you for who you are, it makes coming out easier.
Michael: My coming out experience was very difficult. I grew up in a very strict religious family. My mom and dad had this stereotype of homosexuals. They were considered lower than third class citizens. My mom has come to terms of accepting me. My dad just ignores the issue completely.
Tony: My parents, my family are very conservative. We're Northern Vietnamese. I came out with my siblings first and got tremendous support from them. Y'see, my family understands. My parents try. They go through the process of pain, hurt, they cry, they feel sorry for me. So I help them with my coming out and their coming out as well, having a gay son, I mean. At the end, everything's fine.
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Have you experienced discrimination, anti-gay, racial?
Anonymous: The hate crime was not because of my sexual identity. It was because of my ethnic identity. I was physically assaulted by graduate students. And I believe it was a hate crime because it was preceded with one and a half years of racial epithet.
Clayton: I have to say, knock on wood, that I've been very fortunate. Since I came out, I've never encountered that at home, with straight friends, or at work.
Armand: Of course. As human beings, nobody escapes that intangible aspect of life, whether it's discrimination or reversed discrimination. I have mixed blood in me. I'm not 100% pure bred Vietnamese. In Vietnam, people like me were "social outcasts". I experienced discrimination as a kid in school, with my neighbors, and stuff. It didn't really bother me or did much damage. As for myself toward other people, I don't discriminate based on what color, what origin they are. It's who they are that matters.
Ha: I was teased in Vietnam. Here, I haven't yet experienced any major serious discrimination except perhaps in high school. I was pushed over to the girl team playing volleyball because I couldn't play basketball with the boy team.
Tuan: One time I was with some friends in Seatle, we were standing outside a shopping mall. My friend was holding a bunch of flowers; we were talking. This truck with some white teenagers stopped in front of us. They started yelling, "Get back to your country! Faggots!" That happens a lot, especially outside California. Since I'm openly gay, and I work in a restaurant, some customers would give me the look. But no confrontation.
Andy: I don't think I have. Not directly and outwardly anyway.