Bamboo
Borneo is
an online shopping store that houses bamboo products of Sabah, a Malaysian
state in the island of Borneo. Created by an entrepreneurial friend, Mr
Z.
13 June 05 (Mon)
My thoughts are in swirls. Rationality seems to evade me and all i am capable of consoling my soul is to take in me the virtue of patience. I can't think of anything else that'll calm me down.
But i shall be fine.....
On other things: the whole of Malaysia is hooked on a reality show identical to that of the Malaysian Idol--The Akademi Fantasia Season 3. I am somewhat hooked as well so, like the rest, i stay in every saturday evening to watch and vote for my favorite one. Hey, lookit, four sabahans made it into that reality show which will go on for three months. One of the Sabahans who made it in is someone who grew up in the same campus as i have and she is Marsha Londoh. I remember her as a cheerful kid always trying to sing and act like a star. She somehow has that vain-ness in her and i think there's nothing wrong with that. It shows there's a natural healthy self-esteem within her. Her sister Michele used to be my roommate in the college dorm in Singapore. Mich would always tell me how 'different' Marsha is from the rest of them. I am sure Mich didn't think then that being different would bring Marsha this far into stardom. But there you go and i suppose Marsha is as happy as we all are for her. To join us in our joys, take your mobile out and type in your texts as AFUNDI MARSHA and send to 32999. ahakss. Another Sabahan fellow by the name of Felix is quite good too. I am voting for him as well. Sabahans and all out there, vote for him as well--AFUNDI FELIX. He currently has the second highest percentage of votes. He could be the top as the votes can be fickle in just a matter of hours.
This webby needs some update....will do it...slowly.
Been talking to himself quite often lately. Seems like maybe there's another chance we would reunite again. It's just probably me now...i don't trust anyone easily anymore like i used to. Is that bad or what? Let's just say that i am more cautious now about being in a romantic relationship than i was before.
Someone filthy rich last weekend asked me a rather shallow question (in my opinion). She asked, "do you think you're good?" She was referring to my piano teaching. In my defensiveness i shot back at her, "what do you mean? Of course i'm good!"...Hah! Thinkit, who in the world would answer otherwise? Duh. What such question is that?
I'm craving for Starbuck's ice-blended mocha with caramel toppings right now. But they don't have Starbucks here. :(
03 June 05 (Fri)
Back to upload my past entry. Bro's wedding went well. And i suppose that my 'reunion' with himself went fine as well.
I'm starting now to get worried about my being jobless and broke. It's the one thing that's taking dominion over my mind these days. Thing is that, i'm not interested in just any job. Others may probably think i'm being very selective, choosy, bla bla. But you know, come to think about it, i think when you come to a certain age, you do have to be selective with jobs. You can't just allow yourself to be satisfied with being a waitress, a clerk, a receptionist, bla bla when you're 30. When you're 30 and above, you want to have meaningful goals in life for yourself, you want to have the aspiration to be someone big and influential to the society, you want to earn as much as you can and want, you want to have a lifestyle, and most of all you want to have a job that you can savor joy and happiness and huge monetary rewards simultaneously. I want to experience that kind of thing. I don't know if that's being idealist, but i do have that kind of vision for myself. So what's stopping me? That, i have yet to answer with all honesty...and i won't mention it here.
Gotta go take my shower and head to KK for a pampering session to the face.
25 May 05 (Wed)
Been busy with all sort of things the past few days until now, but just a quickie. My bro's wedding is just four days away now. Many things need yet to accomplish. House is still in chaos, things everywhere. Helped my mom moved her precious' to her new sulap (small house) last weekend--not quite done,too. And I have not finished figuring out the chords for a song that Donna and Carrey are going to sing for the wedding. My mind is attending to all sorts that my ears can't seem to catch the chord progressions correctly for the bridge of the song. I wish God blessed me with perfect pitch.
Off to do some errands now. Shall be back.
17 May 05 (Tues)
Tired. I shall be back soon. Meanwhile, enjoy these pictures of the white water rafting trip i did last month.
16 May 05 (Mon)
Firstly, the JPJ test didn't go too well for me. And i really think that the young examiner (he who thinks he is cute) who tested me on the road was being all too biased. He sarcastically kept yawning to the way i drove. Budu punya lelaki! Action lagi tu! I hated his guts so much. He wasn't friendly. I passed the parking and the hill drive but not the road test. Sheesh. Gotta pay RM150 to repeat the road test. Sheesh.
My bro's wedding is just around the corner...next weekend to be exact and i'm the one getting jittery here. Many things still need to be done, like sending out invitation cards, finalizing wedding program, calling up participants for confirmation, practices, bla bla. And himself is coming, too. Have not seen him for almost a year and i am not quite sure anymore how to feel and react when i see him then. It's going to be a real awkward situation, especially after what had happened between both of us. But, i shall stay cool.
10 May 05 (Tues)
My driving test has been postponed to 12 May. I'll just pray that i'll make it. People, pray for me.
Having a sty on my right eye. Very ugly i now look.
05 May 05 (Thurs)
My driving tutor stood me up today. It was just one more hour of driving lesson with him before i take the JPJ test on Monday. I really needed this last lesson to make sure that i'm doing everything right, but he stood me up and i got a li'l upset with that. I'm going to postpone the test to another day until i know i'm confident enough to drive on that busy road again.
I'm transcribing a song entitled All This Time. If i get everything right, this song will be sung during my bro's wedding end of this month.
Someone from Sarawak Tourism Board called me today informing me that i'd been selected to volunteer at the Rainforest World Music Festival in Kuching in July. Wow i thought. What an honor to have been selected but where the hell am i going to get the funds to fly there. Accommodation at a five-star hotel near the festival venue will be provided she told me. Meals as well but the flight i have to fork out on my own. I'm thinking second..if i volunteer then i wouldn't be able to enjoy as much as i want to because i have to work while most people get to have the time of their life funking to the world music. Besides, if i ever make it to this festival, i'd want to participate in all the workshops held, get inspired, take time to journalize everything, or maybe sketch out things that amaze me to death. I also want to be able to make new acquaintances. So, we'll see how things go in the next few months--maybe a generous bloke will appear and see how badly i want to attend this music festival that he'll want to provide. For those of you reading this and have extra moolah to spare, just to let you know that i'm in need of monetary sponsorship to this event. If you're generous enough, email me and let me know that you'd like to do charity. Hehe. I'm serious.
A busy weekend ahead. Teaching kids how to play the piano can be quite a joy but it can get very exhausting. I'm looking forward to being tired, however, so that it's the only thing that will occupy my mind.
02 May 05 (Mon) - Public Holiday here
10pm update:there was a really scary thunderstorm early this evening. It was sudden, something we did not expect would happen today as it was a really hot day earlier on. I was sitting on my bed and was SMSing on my mobile phone when a streak of lightning bolted into my bedroom through my window causing a short circuit to my room light and an electric spark to my mobile phone that almost sucked the flesh off my palm. I screamed, i was shocked. I pulled my mobile phone off my palm. The electricity could've eaten me up then and who knows what worst thing could've happened to me. But, thank God, He still loves me.
8 am - It's a public holiday today. A replacement for the Labor Day that fell on a Sunday yesterday. The rest of the clan went to Kota Marudu to attend Lavonne Bingku's wedding. I did not join them as i know the weather will be hot and i know i'll turn very very cranky i'll not have a good time. So, here i am home alone and feeling peaceful and in all sorts. I can still feel the heat from outside. I tell you it's like an oven outside these days. It could be over the 40s. Deadly to me. I get somewhat dehydrated easily so i stock myself up on lots of H20. I didn't make it to join for the 4M Challenge in Kiulu today. Must be lots of excitement and fun going on there am sure. Nevermind. E called early this morning to tell me that he is already at the 4M Challenge site. I am so jealous that he'll be having so much fun, that he'll have the chance to get on a bamboo raft and paddle through the clear river water. Very scenic that place, too.
So talked to himself again today. He's been busy and tired last weekend. Engaged with lots of video shootings for private and government events. He and I are calmer now. I hope we remain that way until he comes end of this month.
BTW, my hair is rebonded. I'm planning to keep my beautiful mane (ehems!) pass my buttock. It's almost waist long. Come December am sure it'll be buttock long. Hehe.
29 Apr 05 (Fri) - Married men
I talked to my lawyer friend D last night for half an hour. He is currently in Sibu defending a case. Been quite a while (maybe almost a year) since i last had a decent talk with him. It's so good to hear from him again. D is someone from my past six years ago whom i was once significantly, romantically and emotionally involved with. We shared many thoughts in common but had many thoughts in clashes as well. We shared lots of laughters and shed tears together, fought like cats and dogs and then make up again. The day we parted to go our own ways, we were still very much in love. That was heartbreaking, agonizing and very much a struggle to rationalize. But what made it easy for the parting was that we mutually agreed, to promise even, to stay the best of friends for as long as we live. So, we've been staying the best of friends ever since. Occasionally, D would drop SMSes in my mobile and in his SMSes, D would sometimes bring up the past--the sweet memories--which i don't mind recalling with him--the point is simply to reminisce on the good ol' times and nothing more. We don't try to revive things, we just wantto have something good to talk about. D is happily married now and i'm happy to hear that he is happy. Last night's topic was about married men. The topic came up because D attempted to talk dirty to me and i felt uncomfortable because that kind of talk was coming from D who is now a married man. I just don't have that kind of respect for a married man who tries to flirt and talk dirty to someone very unmarried like me. And i don't fancy engaging in a conversation of that kind with someone i have nothing attached with (anymore). I told D to stop because he was sounding disgusting already. Silly even that i felt like puking to his mouth. And so, me in my very mulut laser, said to him, "you're trying to test the market, issit? to see if you're still laku (marketable)?" I told D that, men these days, as soon as they get married, they turn very much into infidel fools with such disgusting self-esteem who can't seem to have their tickled hormones controlled when someone other than their wives treats them with super kindness. They don't seem to be content with anything just yet. D, being a man and just been married for over a year, seems to agree and admits that (most) men are like that (or becoming like that) these days. "Might as well not be/get married," i said. "You greedy pig," i added. "Hey, you can't stop a man from being a man," he shot back. "Duh," i said. Then the squabble went on for a few minutes until we calmed ourselves down and then told him in somewhat a disappointing tone that i don't feel like getting married ever. I pouted and sulked real bad at that. I feel disgusted now i told D. The word 'marriage' doesn't excite me anymore like it used to months ago when things are still blissful and rosy between that someone and I. I don't even think now that the word 'sacred' is anything related to the word 'marriage'. There are now more and more mixed beliefs about marriage in my opinion--like people getting married for all the wrong reasons, bla bla bla. D, acting now like the best friend he should be, told me not to think shallow on this matter. He tried to assure me that getting and being married is not that bad after all. I really am not sure about that anymore. For now, that is.
As disgusted as i am now and since we're on this married men topic today, i might as well include an excerpt of the text message i received on my mobile phone from another married guy who claims he is in love with me. *chuckles* His text message reads: "I'll make you my official wife no matter what. Believe me!!!" My god! you think i'll be stupid to submit to that line? That's a line to get into my kitty for hell sake! How disgusting can that be! Tsk! Tsk!
Another married guy (oh yes, i do get a number of married men attempting to lure me into evilness with him) i got to know told me that he wish he isn't married because he'd really like to make me his wife. *roll eyes* I asked why? he said i treat him very kindly and that i seem to be full of love (hmmm sounds very familiar!) in my heart and that i have a caring attitude. And that i'm creative, bla bla bla...all those sweetnothing lines. Once again, these are flattering lines and compliments from a man who just wants to get into my pants. Be VERY aware and cautious of this sort of lines you young or single and available ladies out there. Unless you're just a gold digger who desperately only want to boost your self-esteem and care about nothing else, never never trust married men who try to flirt with you. For men who are not married but who are persistently pursuing you, trust them only 80%. Hahaha. This is to save your heart.
I don't hate married men...my dad is a married man himself, but i just don't have the respect for those who can't respect their marriages by playing infidel fools behind their wives. That's definitely the budu'est thing to do in my opinion.
To you men out there, married or not, don't take what's been written here at heart. I don't mean to stereotype married men, just that...well, we'll stick to this line, MEN WILL ALWAYS BE MEN with libidos, with hormones that are easily tickled. But please, save your face as well if you're married. Stick to your vows and make your wife or girlfriend the queen/princess of your life. You'll save the earth.
28 Apr 05 (Thurs)
"No! Not when i'm having zits on my face!"
27 Apr 05 (Wed) - Pre-driving test
Had my pre-driving test this morning. If not because i am a female and a sweet-looking one (ehems!), the male examiner would've confirmed me failed. But he was flirting with me all the way (asking where i live and what i do for a living, bla bla), I was a li'l annoyed but i thought if i wanted to pass this test then i'd better be kind to him. So that was what i did, i talked to him nicely and he told me that he'll put me through anyway. My god did i freak out driving on a busy busy road. He tested me on a road full of wheels, i got out of control with my gears and signal lights. He said i drive very dangerously. Haha. My lordy, what a day! But on a positive note, i did very well on my parking, three-point and the hill. My JPJ test is next week. Wish me luck!
26 Apr 05 (Tues) - Having the blues
I really hate it when i feel irritated for nothing. There must be something that's bothering me to no end but am not sure what it is. Or maybe there could be nothing at all and am just overreacting. Have you ever felt anything like that? Today i feel like an eejit. I feel shitty. I frown a lot. The weather is hot. It could be that. Or maybe this is another of my PMS. Suddenly i feel needy, insecure, lazy and always wanting to sleep. Despite all that, I'm trying to be in my goodest self by writing it all out here and not lashing bitchiness out on people in the house. And oh....suddenly i'm also bingeing when i normally wouldn't (not anymore)...and it is sweet things i'm liking like crazy. This is, am sure, PMS. The cycle is usually around this time of the month. Ugh! I wish i knew how to handle myself better when my hormones are acting up. I feel so dysfunctional this moment. The 'past' emerges again and i can't help but feel nostalgic, angry and stupid at the same time.
Thoughts incoherent...
It is not the same again with himself i feel. How very sad. We try to talk and act like nothing happened. It hurts to ignore anything that has happened between he and I. What happened was indeed very heartbreaking. His hopes, my hopes--all destroyed. And i must say that, the once felt euphoric feelings and blissfulness have since faded away. Don't know if that's the truth. Thing is that, how come i can still talk to him and think of him now? Strange that is to feel. Received a few SMSes from himself last night. Very cautious and feeling-less in his texts. I tried to act the same. See how prideful we all human can be. And pride is a no.1 killer in a relationship. Next comes selfishness.
Haris asked me a rather silly question the other day: "What do you usually say after SEX?" he asked. I did not reply. So Haris answered his own question and he insisted that a typical Sabahan would answer, "mana suda santut sia tu?!!!" (meaning where is my underwear?). Hahahaahahaah budu.
24 Apr 05 (Sun) - White water rafting III
Friends and i cheesing on board the train to Pangi where we start our white water rafting jouney down the Padas grade IV rapids (more pics to come - courtesy of Zach - the macho Bruneian guy behind me)
(click 2 C better) - All energetic and daring (pic courtesy of BUSAT)
Tired after a long day: my bestfriend Suzie and I (pic courtesy of Zach)
I have a gorgeous tan right now from spending practically the whole day water rafting under scorching hot sun. I tagged along some 50 over adventure-seekers to Padas River today. Big group and my second time paddling through this wild roaring river. This time i was on FOC. This time round was also more exciting than the first time i went as it was more of a roller coaster ride this time and the weather was perfect. I wanted so much to experience being capsized but the boat i was in was one of the stable ones the operator had so it was quite difificult to get capsized with it. But managed to witness the group in the boat behind us get overthrown into the fierce rapids, plunged into quite a dangerous depth and some trapped beneath the boat but everyone emerged fine afterwards. I kept wishing we'd capsized like that. Would be more thrilling and fun in my opinion. I used to be very scared of rapids, especially the fierce eatings ones but after the first time, my fear of rapids is now gone. I'm braver encountering it now. I wish it could be the same with my fear of spiders. Anywho. Back on the main topic. So we also did lots of bodyrafting, which means we jump into the water from the boat and just let our bodies float and flow with the river current. It is almost a must for everyone to jump into the river at least once, otherwise the riverguide might just pull you out of nowhere and throw you into the river even without your consent. This is exciting because this really tests your courage. Why would you want to do this extreme adventure in the first place if not because you love it and are (or will be) brave enough to do it? So we reached the ending point after almost two hours of rafting. Immediately a BBQ lunch followed. Too bad there weren't much time to get to know all the other participants today, didn't even have much time to finish lunch as the train back to Beaufort arrived just 20 mins after so we all had to pack our lunches and rush on to the train. Long train ride back and all exhausted by then. Reached KK at 7pm. Arrived home at 8:30pm suntanned and tired. Retired to bed at 9:30pm.
Will post up pictures soon. I promise. You'll want to try this thrilling adventure after that! I think this is really one of the things you just got to do before you go six foot under. This adventure is fun and makes you forever young! Pheewittt!
19 Apr 05 (Tues) - Restless
I'm bumming at home today. A li'l bored. That happens when one is jobless and broke. Haha. Maybe i should go and learn how to play Celine Dion's Miracle on the piano and finish transcribing Erti Cinta for Donna. And maybe do some baking later if i have all the ingredients. I'm fasting again but what the heck. Will make it a point to go for a jog this evening, too.
BTW, finally talked to himself again after a month long of silence. Talked to him on the phone yesterday for half an hour, nothing mushy, mostly about my bro's request for him to come and do the video shoot for his wedding at the end of May. Himself sounded eager to come. In fact, VERY eager to come. He said he has booked his flight ticket. My heart wants to say a lot of things here but i'll leave it out for this time. Pride wants me to stay in control and not get all mushed up again.
A told me yesterday that the best business to go into is 'real estate'. Why? He said your wealth grows from there. Needs re-programming of the mind and paradigm shift to get there -lah.
Am currently learning how to do crochet. Teaching myself by figuring out the crochet patterns of my mom's table piece she's made years ago. If patience is not in your blood yet, start doing crochet--guys included. Crochet builds patience into a highly regarded virtue.
17 Apr 05 (Sun) - Ayam Serama
Went to visit my sister and her husbydoo today. They live just very close by--five minutes--in a little cute yellow house with two bedrooms and a characterful cat named O'yoii. O'yoii is their baby for now. Today, i walked around their house and saw that they keep some chickens as pets, too. But these chickens are no ordinary chics. They are called Ayam Serama and usually it's never for human consumption--at least not for my sister and husby. Ayam Serama are generally shorter and look more elegant and beautiful than the normal ones we see. They walk with poise and confidence but at the same time carry an air of arrogance with them. Like jual mahal. I was captivated with the kind of characters shown by these Seramas and since it's the rooster year this year, i thought i take a few pictures of them. Maybe they will bring me prosperity this year. Ahaks! So cheers to Ayam Serama! p.s. my sis and her husby do consume the eggs produced by their Seramas. Eggs are smaller than normal too.
Others: went to practice driving today. Hoolahooo!! i'm getting so much better now. But i'm a DANGEROUS driver according to my brother. Wreckless even--maybe. I drive too fast at corners. Bad driver. Ok, ok, i will learn how to be more gentle and 'berhemat' the next time. My JPJ driving test is at the end of this month. Wish me luck, esp. with the handbrake. :)
15 Apr 05 (Fri) - Essentials
I bring a duffle bag with me everywhere i go and in that bag are all the essentials i need to make me feel complete: (Hardy har har!)
1. Wallet containing my ID and bankcards.
2. Mobile phone
3. Sketchbook I - for evil and wish list drawings
4. Sketchbook II -for daily observation
5. Notebook - for scribblings
6. Organizer
7. Pressed face powder
8. Blush powder
9. Eye curler
10. Leg shaver (awww, this is VERY essential!)
11. Brow tweezer (also armpit hair tweezer)
12. Eyebrow liner/Eye liner
13. Lipstick / lip gloss (a must!)
14. Nail color - in case i'm bored
15. Nail clipper
16. Essential oil (peppermint & RC) - for my migraine attack
17. Hair grip
13 Apr 05 (Wed) - Mom's b'day
Today is my mom's birthday. She's 56 and looking just like her age--old and tired. I don't quite know what to write about her. Maybe i just don't want to. She's not made much of an impact in my life. I can only remember lots of bad rows with her in the recent months--mostly differences in opinions about how i should be leading my life (hey, it's my life, i'm the navigator and no one else should be!)--but i'll say she's still my mother after all. I still love her no matter how sometimes i say i hate her. Actually, i don't hate her, i just don't agree with her most of the time. Happy birthday anyway mom.
p.s. mom is really in her good mood today. *roll eyes*
12 Apr 05 (Tues) - 5 things i like about me
Ha! Thereeee.... sweet and lovely I could actually look on a photograph!
Point is, E once told me i'm not photogenic at all. E, you nasty skunk!
E said i'm not photogenic because he knows i'd turn so vain and get carried
away i forget his presence. Haha. Now, five things to say what i like
about me:
1. I'm a talented shallow girl with style.
2. I don't keep grudges. I forgive and forget easily.
3. I'm one very determined and ambitious person.
4. I cover up very well in front of others when i'm sad and broken. All they see is an aura of cheerfulness.
5. I love how my dimple attracts like a magnet.
10 Apr 05 (Sun) - Exhausting weekend
9:30pm--Teaching 10 hours straight is not quite my idea of fun--especially not when I'm a li'l feverish, coughy and sore-throaty. It's misery. I had to teach yesterday and today for that amount of hours. Lost my voice. Some of my kids just couldn't and wouldn't bother to practice at all and for a music teacher that's frustratingly hell to know. I've strained my voice because i had to keep emphasizing the importance of practicing and then getting all notes right when they come and perform for me. I have a student who is already in his third level and he still doesn't know how to read musical notation???!! Thing is that, he started with another teacher prior to coming to me. I had to start all over again with him and when you are on consecutive hours of teaching, it just gets exhaustive. I am really tired. I am sleepy. What's worst is that I have not taken a single shower (haha) and i so need one yet am lazy to step in the bathroom. I need a masseuse this moment...on my shoulders please.
Good night people. *snorts*
08 Apr 05 (Fri) - Driving Lesson III
Another driving day with San (my tutor). He looked good today and a li'l well-behaved than usual. Still a flirt, however, am sure he meant well. Heeee. Learned how to reverse park and do the 3-point car movement. Was fun. Have two driving hours left until test time at the end of this month. I still need to learn how to change the tyres and get my hands dirty. I so need this license soon so i can go about being productive and fulfilling my dreams.
*snorts* Gotta go feed Lucky and Cola now.
07 Apr 05 (Thurs) - weightwatcher
After two weeks, i checked again. I'm now at 46 Kg--a kilo short of my desired weight. I've been on low, very low carbs lately--which means no rice, bread and potatoes for almost a month now. Try it, it does help shed unwanted pounds. I consume lots of fish but less of poultry products or red meat. I'm on multivits and spirulina supplements. I do lunges and situps as my exercises but my tontug (lower ab) still bulges stubbornly. Tsk. That needs to get rid in no time.
06 Apr 05 (Wed) - Driving Lesson II
Another tutorship on the wheels with San today. Two hours and great fun struggling to coordinate between the gear and steering. San is real patient he tells me that he enjoys teaching a brave rebel like me. Hardy har! He still tries to be gatal (flirt) but i think he is just testing whether his gatal attempts would shake my concentration or focus on the road. Fortunately, i'm one quite a mighty fortress. Teasingly, I'll just speed up over 80 and his mind is instantly diverted into seriousness. He tells me i'm one heck of a driver that too much bravery for a sweet girl (ehem!) like me isn't good. Hahahaha. Maybe it's because, prior to this formal learning, my bestfriend Suzie had got my hands and legs on a 4WD, a hilux. Somehow, she had infected me with some of her bravery, her staringness, and her sense of adventure with wheels. While tutoring me the other time, Suz peps me, "Deb, you've gotta be brave!" I think that explains why i'm one heck of a driver now--for a beginner. Thanks to my bestfriend. Next lesson with San is Friday. Can't wait to do parallel parking.
Someone being silly asked me if it's a truck or a tractor that i'm learning how to drive. I told him I'm a dummy with an L trying to learn how to fly a jumbo jet. Hahahaha.
05 Apr 05 (Tues) - News in Rome
I've been following up with the update on Pope John Paul the second. It's
amazing to see how many faithfuls are flocking in to the Vatican to pay
their last respect for the Pope at the St. Peter's Basilica. Coming in
by the tens of thousands probably even reaching millions by now. Their
patience and willingness to wait for hours in line show how great an impact
the Pope had in their lives. I'm not a catholic but i think i know how
that feels to lose someone of greatness. The Pope's
physical heart may be buried in Poland, where the Pope originated.
Funeral is set for Friday where Vatican officials plan to bury the Pope
in the grotto beneath St. Peter's Basilica.
04 Apr 05 (Mon) - Art Journaling
The cover (above): here's a dig.pic of what i've started on art journaling. Not quite done yet for the cover. BTW, this is a sketchbook that i bought from Popular last Friday for only RM2.10! It's cheap and ugly when i bought it but i believe it's the creative mind that can turn the ugliest into something beautiful and meaningful. So here i am attempting to unleash that creative part of me through this personal journal. As you can see, I try to put meaning (simple ones) to my creation. The dove is a symbol of peace and love --something i'd like to nurture in me. The girl standing tall is a metaphor for courage and determination, always on the lookout for opportunities to be better. The stickman walking up a ladder is my life journey. Coffee brewing in a mug are musings of daily observation of life around me. Therefore, contents will be a concoction of all what's portrayed in this cover. So far, i i find it great fun doing art journaling. Creativity is limitless and that's what i like about it.
I'm home and will be occupying my time today doing art. At least my mind is diverted into something that makes me happy.
Happy Monday to y'all, especially you white collars who think Monday sucks. Tell you what, if Monday is really not looking good for you, document your reactions--draw or write about it. You'll feel all cowabunga in no time!
03 Apr 05 (Sun) - Pope and Art Journaling
The sad BIG news around
the world today is that Pope
John Paul II has gone to rest forever after 26 years reigning the
Vatican. CNN is currently airing it live for the world to see on the Pope's
body lying in state at the Vatican apostolic palace (10:01 pm as i'm writing
and it's still airing live). Pretty interesting view. Pope is clad in
red vestment, his internal organs heart taken out and preserved
somewhere until funeral day.
Did you know that Vatican is a city ruling on her own with her own administration? That also makes her the smallest country in the world. Wahhhhh....
-------
I'm currently inspired to do art journaling. I might start one as a project to keep me occupied and to break this bum state i'm in. I think this is a really fantastic idea. It is really for self-discovery and i would love to discover more of my personality/character. I would love to see how a mess i am or can be or how brilliant i can turn out to be with myself. I would also love to document more of my life journey, maybe starting from my childhood--if i can remember much. I like how this lady does hers. Also, this lady who is a li'l more vocal and graphic. Probably won't be able to display my art journal here as i will be doing it in a sketchbook.
02 Apr 05 (Sat) - Nerve tensions
Exhausted from teaching the whole day. A li'l nerve tensions prickling my head. Ouch! Maybe i lack H20. I tend to be quiet when the pricklings are unbearable. I don't talk to no one when i'm in pain. My head leans to the right side of my shoulder indicating that the pain is more on the right side of my head. I get irritated easily when i have a headache. I don't welcome silly questions and i don't expect anyone to talk to me because i just won't talk when i'm in pain. I become weird. I become bitchy. I walk and stomp my feet. I become unfriendly and that's when people would misunderstand me. Thing is, i don't mean to be all that but when i'm having a hell of a headache, you just leave me alone.
01 Apr 05 (Fri) - Fools Day
E tried to fool me today but all in vain. I am too smart for his attempt. When his pranks did not get through, i told him he looks silly. E sighed. Pity that. I remember in my younger days that fools day are brutal and merciless. I remember receiving no apologies after falling into a few that are humiliating and embarrasing. I feel so budu (stupid) after that. But gone are the days when i would feel budu easily. I'm cynical and more skeptical now.
31 Mar 05 (Thurs) - Drained
Am in all sorts, my mind is. My emotions are quite in a whirl. Drained and unsure of what to feel about a certain incident that happened two weeks ago between he and I. Don't know if it's even worth thinking of a reunion possibility in the future. And even if the broken pieces are to be put together again, am sure it won't be the same like the first or second time. Thing is that, I am extremely emotionally drained and tired now. I really am. You should rip open my heart and see how shrunk and pale it has become. I lost all hope for another chance of bliss with himself. Third chance seems almost nonexistent for me now. The gut feelings are always right and I should've known better on that--sadly, i never ever did. This furiousness is what i've been talking about earlier. I'm angry that i hardly listen to that inner voice of mine, the one guide that i should've had taken on with me all along. I'm angry that i'm swept off easily by the name of love and the emotions that go along with it. I'm angry that i have not been firmly upholding my stand, my principles, instead, find myself licking my saliva back most of the time. What foolishness is that. But I think all that is normal. You go through stages one at a time. Hmm.. one day, i hope to have a decent conversation with himself again as i don't hate no one in any way. Right now, i'll just let this stage go through its process and then move on to another. "..this too shall pass."
I am convinced now that long-distance relationship is only for the tough-minded and not for the faint-hearted. I would like to believe that I am a strong character but the truth is i probably may not be at all.
Others: the dry spell is over. Rain is starting to come apourin' and it cries over earth in the evenings. I am lovin' it for now.
Nigh is April. Expect fools to come out silly-er tomorrow. Be very aware of their pranks. Be very aware of turning silly yourself too. Hehe.
29 Mar 05 (Tues) - Indon quake
A major earthquake off the coast of Indonesia has killed hundreds of people and triggered tsunami alerts throughout the Indian Ocean region. The whole of Kuala Lumpur felt the tremor c. 12 midnight (early a.m. 29th March) and why wasn't i around in KL when it hit? I think it would be cool to experience it once. I can imagine my panic. Read more reports here.
28 Mar 05 (Mon) - Nothing in particular
The human egg has wreak havoc in me once again. The PMS is over and crankiness has diminished. It's just bloody now and my abs is a li'l bloated still. The hormones are imbalance and my sexual drive is at the lowest.
Akademi Fantasia audition was the weekend hype here at the Pacific Sutera Hotel in Kota Kinabalu. Some of our kids from Tamparuli tried and heard that one of them has made it through the selection for the top 12! Wish her all the best.
I miss J. Why do i?
2:48pm - nap time.
23 Mar 05 (Wed) - moments of hopelessness
10:25am-- My eyes are swollen from last night's tears. Sleepless night. Have lost my sense of being for now. I'm afraid i'm in one of those moments again where i'm wallowing hopelessly. I don't pity myself, i'm just angry for a lot of things. That furiousness is a monster that's currently taking dominion over my whole being. It feels terrible. I am cranky. Today it's for nothing. Last night, it was because of something else--matters of the heart. I'm having ab cramps. Why i'm cranky, it could well be that the PMS i so dread is at work. I can feel the hormones fluctuating like mad. I'm disoriented. My mind is. It's even worst when i get unending petpetpets (nags) from my mom. I could go almost like a dumb kid.
22 Mar 05 (Tues) - Lucky, my beloved
Introducing my smart, adorable and hyper dog, LUCKY. We named him Lucky
because he has an extra finger/toe (aiya, don't know which one is which)
on one of his legs and so we thought, hmmmm, maybe this guy might bring
luck to us sometime. Hence, the name. Lucky is super hyper. He is a cheerful
dog who never fails to greet and jump on me whenever i'm out in our yard.
When i don't see him around, i would call out his name and in a minute,
out of nowhere, Lucky comes running hyperly towards me and does his thing--jumps
on me. We found out Lucky has a sweet tooth. My god! this guy loves sweet
biscuits, actually anything sweet. He also loves eating curry puffs. And
oh, Lucky loves to be bathed. He would stand still with his two front
legs up on the chair while we bathe him. He enjoys the shampoo, he enjoys
us massaging his head and searching for sinits (fleas) on his
body. So adorable i tell you! Lucky is a good boy, yes he is and we love
him so dearly. At least, I do. Lucky has been with us for six months now.
Six months old he is. We bought him for a mere RM15.00 from an old man
whom we found sitting in a corner in a market in Tuaran with Lucky (still
a baby at that time) beside him. Initially, he had no intention of selling
Lucky but after a long negotiation and persuasion by my bro and his fiancee,
the old man finally agreed to give li'l cute Lucky up. More about this
guy in the future.
Others: Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? English majors, correct me if i'm wrong (haha) but you don't normally say "I need to put on my panty", do you? It's almost always "i need to put on my panties." Why is that?
Please bear with me, i'm trying to reorganize my archive section. It may take quite a while to get everything linked.
On matters of the heart, somehow, i still do miss J.
21 Mar 05 (Mon) - Outward Bound Sabah (OBS)
Yesterday was great great fun! I was at the Outward Bound Sabah at Kinarut, Papar (a town approximately an hour drive from tamparuli) the whole day yesterday with a bunch of fun and adventurous friends who, like me, wanted to test their physical and mental fitness. It was OBS anniversary day so they had their fees on promotion rate and we got a good deal. RM10.00 was all we had to pay for one water and three land activities. Normally, the fee reaches up to more than a hundred ringgit and you stay for at least two days for courses on team-building, physical and mental endurances, etc. But this particular day yesterday, we got it for RM10.00! We arrived at the OBS site sometime after 9am. My first time to OBS and something i've always wanted to do. Initially, there were seven of us in a team. Eventually, two others we met during the day joined us in the last activity. It is very interesting that i only know four members of the team. The other four i was introduced to and became instant friends only when we were at OBS. That's another four added to my circle of friends now and it's getting wider by the day. Amazing. Anyway, for our first activity, it was the rock-climbing. With an instructor and several volunteers guiding us from the ground, each of us had to scale some fifty feet high rock wall. Fun i tell you! I think we all enjoyed this one particularly. Our stamina was really put on test and our muscle strained to the max. I had a problem when it came to abseiling down. I found out i did not have much of a faith and trust in letting go my hands off the rock. Neither did i have much trust in the volunteers below when they instruct me to lean my body back and away from the rock and slowly abseil down with only my feet touching the rock. It took me about ten minutes to gather courage and faith to let go. It felt peanuts when i finally got to the ground. We all did it amazingly. That done, we head to our second activity--the Giant's Ladder. I am not sure how to describe this one but this particular activity needed some team work and strategy. It is an obstacle where three participants begin three feet from the ground and end up thirty feet in the air by climbing four swinging logs three feet apart from the bottom and get progressively farther apart with each ascend. And as you climb, you are not allowed to use the cables on the sides to help you up the log. Once again, our stamina was put on test. Fortunately, in the group of three that i was in, i was the only female and so i had much assistance from the two guys whose stamina were amazing. We finished the climb in less than three minutes. Our third activity was the flying fox and this one was great fun. We start out by climbing up a tree about a hundred-fifty-feet high (my god! felt so gayat!), and then with everything buckled up on us, we slide down the 300m rope to the other side on a speed that's approx. 30km/h. That was really fun! Our last activity was a water activity - Kayaking. Because of the scorching sun and a slight migraine, i did not join in this activity. However, my team mates did. To shorten the story, the guys in our team joined a rafting competition and won 1st prize! One of our guys even won a lucky draw - a voucher worth RM1,500.00 for OBS courses. Lucky dude! If there is one thing i would like to re-experience, it would be rock-climbing. I had a problem trusting and letting go and, if i were to rock-climb again, I would like to really make sure that faith and trust come easily for me this time. Well, we left OBS c.6pm--all feeling satisfied that we had a terrific time. Would love to do OBS again.
Rock-climbing: It is I and my fit calves (ehem!) trying to scale a 50-feet high rock wall.
Giant's ladder: Suzie on her last log struggling to assist her two team mates up the swinging ladder. It's tougher than you imagine!
part of the team (From L - R): suzie, donna, J. Mabel, Deb, Nevi and Amin.
...and the rest of our team who won a 1st prize hamper for the rafting competition.
18 Mar 05 (Fri)
Reminiscing the past: this is whanita (the one with red sling bag) and I cheesing upon arrival at Bangkok's main train station after enduring a tiresome 24 hours train ride from Butterworth, Penang. (2001)
The weather is unbearable. It's hot, damn hot. I'm not going outside. It's something like drought here. Mild El Nino. News is that, on the 21st (next week, that is) it's going to be extra hot. Extremely hot they said. Prediction said the mercury would reach up to 40 C. Maybe higher. I think that'll kill me and make me the crankiest girl ever in the history of my life!
Quite a restless day for me. I suspect it's the hot weather. A li'l unproductive, lots of dreaming, lots of thinking. Dammit.
17 Mar 05 (Thurs) - Driving lesson I
11:30 am--just got back from my driving lesson with San. Yes, i've guessed right. My tutor is a flirt. But, i must say i'm lucky to have San as my driving tutor. He is nice--perhaps, he is just being overly friendly--and he doesn't yell at me while i'm driving. He says i'm cool and brave. Woohoo! Today, i went well over the speed limit for a beginner--80 km/ph--San actually scolded me but did it flirtatiously. My god! I had lots of fun today though. Two hours was just not enough. I can't wait for the next lesson already. It will be sometime next week 'til i am able to get on the wheels again.
16 Mar 05 (Wed) - Unforgettable butter prawns
Things are a li'l out of alignment in my life at the moment. But, that aside for now. Was in Sandakan yesterday assisting the Malaysian-International Chamber of Commerce and Industry (MICCI) with their business networking luncheon at the Sabah Hotel Sandakan (formerly the Renaissance Hotel). It was a day trip. Flew in early in the morning with Donna and some businessmen who are members of the MICCI. They sponsored my plane ticket, everything--am i lucky or what! So, we took the 7 am flight and arrived Sandakan Airport at 7:45am. Quite my first time to Sandakan town, can you believe it? Sandakan is the second largest town on the east coast of Sabah and i'm telling you that in all of my 28 years of living i have not yet been to Sandakan??!! I think that's such a shame on me ya. But, well, nothing quite spectacular really about Sandakan except for the sinfully tasty butter prawns (or seafood for that matter) i consumed at the luncheon at noon time. Yummy! Seafood is just something you must not miss when you are in Sandakan they said. Aiya, too bad Donna and I didn't have much of a time to really go around town as it was purely a business trip, visiting a mega project site which looks out beautifully towards the sea (the Harbour Square), bla. It was an interesting trip, however. One of the big shots i managed to get into conversation with prior to the luncheon had actually asked me for my resume and i thought that was an amazing opportunity, an honor in fact. We had to be at the airport by 4:30 to catch our flight back to Kota Kinabalu at 5:25pm. Schedule was quite tight and i could only remember the delicious food i gobbled up on. Hehe...as much as i try to resist eating to my belly's content, I don't think i could ever do that when it comes to food. Especially when it comes to butter prawns, I care nothing more about the world when i'm feasting at that. I also don't care if it will make me glow in the dark after that. Hehe.
My first driving lesson is tomorrow by a tutor named San. Hahaha...i hope he doesn't yell at me for not knowing how to operate the stick-shift gear. Or i hope he doesn't flirt with me it would really terrify my hormones! Eeks. Nonetheless, i hope to have lots of fun. Wish me all the best.
10:27 pm and i so need a shower. Good night peeps, sleep well!
09 Mar 05 (Wed)
Aloha people! I'm back again and i hope this is a much preferred layout. Contents wise, please bear with me, i'm shallow. Heehee. Grammar and sentence structure wise, skip it 'cause i hardly like to follow the rules. You knows what i means? Again, i still wonder if people do actually read anything that's in here. There's really nothing much here except to immerse yourself into my (maybe) boring, pathetic lamentations of life. You're welcome, anyway.
Awww, it's March! It's scary to see how fast the days are passing by, ain't it? The thing is I have not quite put much incredible meaning into my life since the turn of 05. I mean, i have not done much to accomplish what i said i would like to do for this year. But, so far, i've managed to cultivate the habit of reading at least two well-meaning books a month. Thanks to A who has kindly and generously lent me amazing books to read. Well, for the rest of this year, and of course with moolah being no obstacle, these are what i intend to fulfill: 1. Learn how to dive and get an OW PADI license. 2. Buy a Yamaha upright piano. 3. Move out from the family's house and live on my own. 4. Attend RWMF 2005 in Kuching in July. 5. Love again. 6. Get my driving license. 7. Be more outgoing and brave. 8. Keep fit and maintain weight at 45kg. 9. Go to church (hehe).
Deb (Sabah) © 1999-2005
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i am an APPLE TREE (Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.