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THE BHAI'S REVENGE

If there's such a thing as a "fair" joke, this is one. It takes a knock on all three communities...
THE GENIE
A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a Chinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained " Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!" I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way to become rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied " I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

LIGHT BULB JOKES
Just to give you the hang of it...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One stands on top the table holding the bulb,
the other four rotates the table.
How many Chinese does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One screws in the bulb, the other one gives you
the bill.
How many Indians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. And they'll form a union after that.
How many Malays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Malays are not supposed to screw anything other
than their wives.
How many TNB workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One screws in the light bulb, nine others claim overtime.
How many MIC members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They can't reach the bulb. Somebody threw all the chairs
and tables.
How many Sarong Party Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Sarong Party Girls don't screw anything that's yellow.

CHINESE VELI STRONG (AND STINGY)
A Chinese man arranges for a Russian hooker (yes, you get them in KL) to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it. When finished, the Chinese man runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance. The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again. The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they were done she jumps up, goes to the window, and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed,...and......finds four Chinese men…

LOST!
What do you call the Malay guy who lost his car in Jalan Ampang?
Carlost Zubir
The Malay guy who lost his motorcycle at a MSG factory?
Hajinomoto

THE PRINTING PRESS
What do you get when you put 100 Chinamen under a printing press?
The Yellow Pages
What do you get when you put 100 Indians under a printing press?
A year's supply of carbon paper.

THREE TOURISTS
Three tourists, an American, an Indonesian and a Malaysian were having a drink at a penthouse bar in downtown Tokyo. The American ordered a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey, took just a sip and threw the whole bottle out of the window. He explained to his astounded acquaintances "Where I come from, Jack Daniels is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of of ours to do that". Not to be outdone, the Indonesian promptly lit up a Gudang Garam (clove) cigarette, took a puff and threw the whole pack out of the window. He explained " Where I come from, Gudang Garam is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of ours to do that". The Malaysian, eager to impress, threw the Indonesian out of the window, and explained "Where I come from Indonesians are…."

CHILD ABUSE
There's a boy who has been abused by his parents. A neighbor found out and reported to the police. The police came and arrested his parents and planned to send him to a foster home. The boy refused and told the police officer "No ! The guardian of the foster home will abuse me". The police officer agree and asked him again "OK ! In that case you can stay with me and become my adopted son". The boy refused and said "No! Your wife will also abuse me!" The police officer gave up and asked "Where should I send you to now. You have refused to be adopted by everybody." The boy replied " I want to stay with the Malaysian hockey team." The police officer was surprised and asked "Of all the places why the Malaysian hockey team? They don't even have a house!" The boy replied "At least they have not beaten anybody in the world..."

STUCK!
A Kancil car stopped at the red lights. When the traffic lights turned green the driver stepped on the gas pedal and the car just won't move. So he got out of the car to investigate. He soon realised that the car was unable to move because a piece of chewing gum on the road had stuck to one of the tyres!

DUNHILL
Why is the Dunhill slogan always: "Gaya, Mutu, Keungullan".
One of the owners is an Indian call Mutusamy.
CHINESE CARTOONIST
What's the name of that famous Malaysian Chinese cartoonist?
Nia Mah Foo Lat

AT THE SEMENYIH CAMP
Indon 1: How did they ever managed to caught you? You look like a Malaysian...
Indon 2: I dunno..I dressed like Malaysian..talk like Malaysian and even behave like a Malaysian.
Indon 1: So how the hell did they ever found out?
Indon 2: Beats me..when they stopped me for questioning..I managed to answer all questions..when they ask for my i.c., I told them that I left it at home and they believed me.
Indon 1: Hmm..it baffles me dong...
Indon 2: Me too..all I said when they were about to leave was "Terima kasih pak polisi"

THE LITTLE ONE
If Puff Daddy were to marry Mariah Carey, what will they
call their kid?
Curry Puff.
But since they are so rich, it'll probably be Kaya Puff...

BEVERAGE FOR THOUGHT
If you're addicted to work, you're a workaholic,
When addicted to alcohol, you're an alcoholic,
What if you're addicted to Horlicks?

THE SURVEY
A recent survey on Malaysian sex habits revealed the following:
What do Malaysian men do immediately after sex?
20 % roll over and light up a cigarette
Another 20% go to the bathroom to wash
The majority, 60% of the men; they go home!

SAMA SAMA
What's the similarity between a Thai prostitute and bungee jumping?
If the rubber breaks, you're dead!
What's the similarity between a pair of tight jeans and Kowloon Hotel?
There's no ballroom

RANK & FILE
In a typical Malaysian company, the general staff likes to discuss or play football after work. For the middle management it is tennis. For the top management it is nothing else but golf, golf and golf. So what is the conclusion ? The higher you are in the management, the smaller your balls.

THE KANCIL
Dr M, paid a visit to the White House. After finishing formal discussions with Clinton, Dr M checks with Bill to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA. After going through the brochure Bill said: "You know, I think this Kuncheel is too small for us Americans" Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Clinton offered: "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America". Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia. The next day he decides to call the number suggested by Bill. The phone rang for awhile, after which a lady on the other end answered: "TOYS R US". Can I help you?"

THE HOLY BOOK
If the Muslims have the Koran, the Christians the Bible, what do the Chinese in Malaysia have?
The Yellow Pages (business minded, mah)

MAMAK ORDERS
How does a Mamak shout your orders across the stall?
Kopi + Teh = "Ko Teh"
Milo + Kopi + Teh = "My Ko Teh"
Horlicks + Milo + Kopi + Teh = "Lick My Ko Teh"

DJ MISUNDERSTOOD?
A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl.

"What's your name girl & how old are you?"
"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."
"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."
"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a barbie doll for you.
Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."

The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Maths & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."

The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.

"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"

The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee Bai!"


ANOTHER DJ MISUNDERSTOOD?
There was this story that Yasmin hosted a quiz over her morning radio program, where she was looking for "salt & pepper" as the answer. A lady caller asked for a clue and Yasmin mentioned that "It's something that you put over your husband's eggs in he morning" to which the lady caller confidently answered "TALCUM POWDER!"

THIS ONE WON'T BE MISUNDERSTOOD...
Ever thought of becoming a deejay in a local Malay radio station? Easy! Just master the art of repeating every other word. Example...

"...cuaca, ya cuaca di Kuala Lumpur sekarang mendung, mendung... keadaan trafik, trafik di Cheras sesat, sesat....anda, ya anda sedang mengikuti, mengikuti siaran, siaran Repeat FM ....OK, OK, kita dengar lagu, ya lagu dari Ella, Ella...terima kasih, terima kasih kepada anda, anda...."


WHEN YOU DRIVE A PROTON SAGA...
What's the first thing that come to your mind when you
see a Chinese man driving a BMW?
A pimp
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you
see a Malay man driving a BMW?
Ahmad
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you
see an Indian man driving a BMW?
A car jockey
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you
see a Bhai driving a BMW?
A car repossesor.

WHAT A CO-INCIDENCE!
Two guys are sitting at either end of a bar late one night when one of them looks up and says to the other guy, "How's the going'? You from around here?" The other guy says,"Damansara Jaya" "Me too. What a co-incidence!" "Where did you go to school?" "La Salle PJ"" Hey, so did I!" "What year did you leave school?" "1981" "So did I!" "What street do you live on?" "SS22/41!" "I live there too!" "What did your old man do for a living?" "KTM worker." "Unreal! Mine too!" Just then another guy walks in & says to the bartender, "What's going' on?" The bartender replies, "Not much...but the Wong twins are drunk again!"

THREE MEN AND A BAYI
During the colonial days, three friends went together to apply for a job. The prospective employer was a cocky and nasty English manager. Ah Chong was the first to be interviewed.
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ah Chong: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left eye with my finger?
Ah Chong: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke the other eye?
Ah Chong: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
As Ali was going into the room, Ah Chong told his friend, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass!
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ali: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left …?
Ali: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke…?
Ali: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside…Next!
Ali came out and told Singh that Ah Chong was right, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass! However, the manager suspected something fishy and decided to change the questions...
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Singh: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your left ear?
Singh: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your other ear?
Singh: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Angry manager: Tell me how you'll go blind if I cut off
your ears?
Singh: If you cut my left ear, my turban will drop one
side and cover my left eye. If you cut off my other ear,
my whole turban will drop and cover my eyes completely.
Guess who got the job?

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