Lessons On Grief
	One of the things that I have found since losing Lucy is that no one seems to know how to react with the death of a child.  It is such a taboo subject and not many people like to talk about it.  Some parents, including myself, need to talk about their lost child in an attempt to accept what has happened.  Although opportunity for this is poor, as too many people worry about what to say and what not to say, instead of just taking the time to listen.  I have found that the people who have taken the time to listen to me and give me a hug have been more support for me than those who try to tell me the 'right' way to grieve.  Losing a child is the hardest thing in the world to have to go through and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it.  You just need to get through it the only way you can and when you have the right kind of support it makes it a whole lot easier.  Well intentioned phrases such as 'move on,' 'lifes goes on' and 'you can have more children,' do not help.  I found the following poem on the internet:
				If you don't know how I feel, please don't tell me that you do There's just one way to know, have you lost a child too? "You'll have another baby" - must I hear this every day? Can I get another parent too, if mine should pass away? Don't say "it was God's will" - thats not the God I know Would God on purpose break my heart and watch as my tears flow? "You have a little angel, in Heaven up above" But tell me who, here on Earth, should I give all this love? "Aren't you better yet?" - thats what I hear you say No, my heart is aching, it will never go away You may think silence is kinder, but it hurts me even more I want to talk about my child, whos just gone through deaths door Don't say these things to me, although you may mean well They do not take away my pain, I must go through this hell. I will get stronger, slow but sure, and it helps to have you near But a simple "I'm sorry you've lost your child" is all I need to hear!!
		Another thing I have noticed is that a lot of people ask me how I am, but they don't really want to know the truth.  They want me to say I am fine or feeling much 'better' but I am not.  The grief is always with me, it will never go.  One day, I might learn to live with what has happened, but I don't think I will ever accept it. The well intentioned phrases that are said to me, drive me crazy as well. "At least you have your little boy" Believe me, no one else can know just how lucky I am to have my little boy But he does not, cannot and will not ever take the pain away. He cannot replace the love I have lost, the memories that I will never make. The void in my soul and in my heart, he can never fill For that love, those memories and that place was meant for only her. "At least she died before you got to know her properly" I already knew her and what a precious baby she was And it hurts to the very core to know I'll never know the person she would be. It makes me ache to imagine just how beautiful she would be It makes my head swirl to think of all the things that we will never share together. Don't say "Its for the best" How can losing a child be for the best?  Best for who? A mother who has lost all her hopes and dreams? A father who will never see his daughters first smile or watch her first steps? A brother who will never get to share his toys with the sister he had waited so long for? A child who will never spend her life amongst those who love her most? "You need to get over it and not look back" I will never get over the loss of my precious daughter. That loss will be a part of me forever, just as my living child will be a part of me forever I will always hold this love, this pain, this loss, this void Within my heart, my soul, my mind - forever it will stay I want to look back... I want to reminisce upon her life which was all too briefly was a part of ours I want to look back and see the vivid pictures hung so carefully Those chubby little cheeks, fuzzy hair and tiny little hands. Those beautiful big blue eyes - so full of love and wisdom that we will never know I want to look back and think of her and remember where we've been Because those brief moments we had with her are the most blissful that I'll know Please don't discount my grief because her life was so brief. Eighteen days may seem all we had with her But we spent the time before knowing her, loving her, anxiously waiting to hold her We spent days...months...loving her and planning our lives with her. We built dreams and treasured hopes of all her life would be. Those hopes and dreams don't just disappear in the eighteen days she was here. She is a life, she is a child, she is our beautiful little girl. She is our daughter who we love more than words can say and miss more than tears can prove We long to hold her close once more - our beautiful angel Don't be afraid to say her name or ask to see her picture. She smiles each time she hears her name from down below. She is beautiful and worth the glance at her picture that I carry with me close. Please understand that I love my baby daughter with all my heart and soul And I miss her with all my heart and soul. Love cannot be measured, but neither can the grief that comes with such a loss!!
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