-10-
Revelation
By Shardy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Miss Kaiba......?"

"Go away."

"I've brought you lunch."

"I'm not hungry."

"But, Miss Kaiba, you have to eat or else you might......."

"GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!"

A quick rustle as the maid scurried out of my room. Even as Melody, the staff was learning not to cross me. They didn't even lift a brow when I insisted on staying in "Seto's" room after the Kemo incident. I needed to be somewhere familiar, someplace where I could be me and no one would care.

I've become well acquainted with my bedroom. I've never realized until now how clean it always was because I only came in here to change and go to bed. All my work was done in my office several blocks away. Sometimes I slept there if work became to hectic. Now, for two weeks straight and still going, I never left this room. I just lay in my bed, staring blankly at the wall, my back to the door, getting up only to go to the bathroom either to use the toilet, take a bath, or puke. I've been throwing up a lot lately. And every three hours I went into the bathtub to scrub myself down. But even if I managed to scrub my skin off, that still would not get rid of the stench of Kemo on me.

My bed was so soft. I never realized that, either, because whenever I actually went to bed, I was too exhausted to care.

"So much stuff I've taken for granted," I muttered to myself. Emotions I never knew possessed came flooding over me. Regret. Guilt. Anger. Pain. Sorrow. All at once.

Maybe this was part of my "punishment" too. Maybe I deserved to be sexually violated. After all, I wouldn't be in this mess anyway if it hadn't been for me. I remembered that little freshman girl with the rose. If only I had just taken the rose from her, sure I would probably be dead, but at least THIS wouldn't be happening to me.

I slid off my bed and stumbled to the bathroom. I closed the door and found myself standing by the sink. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Perhaps this was the real me: Abused, alone, anger and sorrow and regret blazing in those sapphire orbs that stared back at me. Who would miss this?

I opened a draw and took out a razor blade. I held up my wrist, revealing the light scars of past attempts. This time it would be different though. I wouldn't chicken out at the last minute, because technically, this wasn't my body I was trying to get rid of this time. I wanted desperately out of this misery, and not because I was in a girl's body, probably trapped in it forever. No, because I was a girl, I saw more things clearly. Girls see the world with their feelings, the emotional part of it. They understand the human heart better than men, which makes them the most loving or the most cruel of people. Looking back on what I've done to hurt others, I saw the emotional results. That girl in particular; she gave me that rose as a form of unselfish love, not caring if I returned those feelings or not. That rose was a part of those sacred feelings, and shunning it was shunning a part of her, a part that was for me and no other. If I did that to one freshman girl, what have I done to others these past years? Sofia once drove a girl into committing suicide. Have I ever done that to anyone?

More than likely.

I was just as bad as Sofia. No, I was worse than her. I didn't just drive others to suicide. I willingly murdered a man in cold-blood when I was in middle school. And that had been just the beginning.

Death was looking more and more inviting. After all, who would miss Seto Kaiba?

Of course, Mokuba would. I mean, he would be the only one left. But he would be sent back to my aunt and uncle, who now conveniently had enough money to care for more than themselves. Mokuba, who was only ten now, could finally live the life of a normal kid. He would be sad I was gone, but at least he would no longer have to be scared of bad guys in the shadows trying to get him on my account. After all, it was because of me he was living this misery, wasn't it?

The Five would have Kaiba Corp. so naturally they would be very happy if I was gone. Yugi wouldn't have to worry about anyone to challenge him to his King of Games title. My English teacher would rejoice at my funeral because my horrid grades wouldn't embarrass her anymore.

Yes, everyone would be better off if I were dead.

I gripped the razor in my hand and poised to slice it over my wrist.

Suddenly, my hand could not move. Someone was standing beside me, holding my arm in a death grip. I turned to stare into Joey's brown eyes, which were wide with fear. He was shaking up and down, sweat rolling down his forehead. I could only stare, shocked at how he just appeared out of nowhere. As we continued to gaze at each other for endless moments, I gasped softly when I saw tears well up in those puppy eyes and begin to fall down his sweet face.

"Joey........"I whispered.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and began rocking me softly. I could feel his scalding tears falling onto my own face. "Don't do this," he choked. "It isn't worth it. Please......live......Seto."

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