-11-
Chocolate
By Shardy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It took a moment, but once the shock subsided and everything registered, I shoved myself away from Joey. He......he called me "Seto". He knew, he KNEW!! If a stupid mutt like him could figure it out, I didn't bother to deny it. Instead I just stared at him for a long, long time.

"So....now you know," I finally spoke up softly once I regained my voice.

He only nodded, slowly wiping the tears from his eyes.

"How? Did Mokuba tell you?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't that hard to figure out, Kaiba. Even though you were in a girl's body, your personality.....or lack thereof.....didn't change. Add that to the fact you refused to wear anything else but your own clothes, and that Kaiba NEVER stays away from his precious company for this long. It wasn't too difficult to put two and two together. Then I overheard....." He trailed off.

"What Kemo said?" I finished.

"I'm sorry, Kaiba, it was my fault you went through this. I was so shocked from what I heard that I couldn't move until you starting screaming...."

I held up my hand to shut him up. "Don't take the heat for my own stupid mistake, Wheeler. I'm not used to it. What were you doing out there anyway?"

"Mokuba woke up and saw you sneak out of the mansion. He then remembered you telling him about that note you received, so he called me up to have me go investigate."

"Why?" I suddenly demanded, switching subjects all-together.

For a minute, Joey looked completely confused. "I guess he just thought......"

"No, why as in why did you stop me just now? You know who I am, you were about to be rid of me forever. Why did you stop me from going through with it!?"

Joey stepped close to me, leaning toward me. Now he was taller than me, so it was quite unnerving. "Would you have gone through with it?"

"Like you would've cared!" I spat.

"If I didn't care, Kaiba, I wouldn't be here right now. I came over today to see you because I do care. No, I don't know why. I've somehow always known who you really are, and for two weeks now I've known for sure, and yet I still care deeply about you. Maybe it's because that body you're trapped in is just so fuckin' gorgeous!"

Those words flashed deadly blades through my heart and drew blood. Aside from Mokuba, Joey had been the only person who actually acted like he really cared for me. To hear him say that the only reason he gave a damn was because Isis happened to make me pretty......

I placed my hands against Wheeler's chest and shoved him away from me with every ounce of strength I possessed. "GET OUT!!!" I screamed, feeling tears stinging my eyes. No way, no way was I going to display such an obvious gesture of emotion in front of the mutt of all people. I was shocked my tear sacks were still operational; I hadn't cried since........since.......

......Since my mom told me to be brave, her last words to me. And brave people don't cry.

My throat ached horridly, feeling heavy, thick, and scratchy. The lump that formed seemed to want to burst out of the flesh of my neck. My lower lip was trembling, and I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to allow my heart to let out the aching passion it so desperately wanted to release. No way. I hadn't so much as sniffled in almost ten years. Why should I start now?

Maybe it was the fact I was in a girl's body. Maybe it was something much deeper. Either way, no matter how much I tried, one teardrop managed to escape from the confinement of my eyelids and made a warm, salty trail down my cheek, the skin beneath itching from the strange caress. My entire body tensed up even more, as if trying to will the little bastard back up to my eye. As if growing brave by this lone tear's daring move, another tear soon seeped from beneath my lashes and chased after its fellow. And another followed that one. And many more soon came spilling forth until my entire face was itchy and soaked. I was so desperately trying to keep the lump in my throat from forming more that I almost forgot to breathe. Without warning, my mouth opened in a gasp for air that at the last second turned into a sob, a sound I never recall making even when my parents were alive. It was no normal sob. I could feel the loss and pain and anger inside of it, and my own heart broke just to hear the echo of all I had been keeping bottled up inside of me all these years.

It was bad enough knowing that Wheeler was still in the bathroom with me. Suddenly, it didn't seem to matter anymore that he was there or not. I sank to my knees, my hands covering my face as I poured my soul onto my palms, what was left of my soul anyway, which wasn't much. My sobs tore violently from my throat, my shoulders shaking with every whimper. I cried for my situation, for my horrible worthless existence, for Mokuba who would never understand, for the freshman girl who only wanted to show her love, for the cruel way I treated others, for my own inhumanity, for the sheer hell of the fact I, Seto Kaiba, could......still......cry.

Warm arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. Wheeler rubbed his hands up and down my back as he rocked me gently back and forth, as if he were a parent and I a small child. Involuntarily, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I buried my face in his chest, needing desperately for someone, ANYONE, to hold me like this forever. The front of his shirt was shortly drenched by my tears, I never realized a person could be capable of producing so much water in just their eyes alone, but Joey didn't seem to mind. "Shhhh......Seto, it's okay. I'm here for you. You let it all out now, just let it all out. I'm here."

I hiccuped. "You're only here......because I'm pretty......" I choked.

"You know that's not true," Joey protested softly.

It felt so good to be held in warm arms again. None of the adults at the orphanage ever held me like this, and I figured Gozaburou stole every ability I had to cry.

"I remember the last time I was held like this," I whispered through my tears not realizing I was talking. "It was the day my mother died. It had been on a Saturday, a normal Saturday for a five-year-old. I had asked my dad where she was because she was supposed to bake cookies for lunch like she did every Saturday. My dad stared at me for a minute, then knelt down and took me in his arms. For a moment, I couldn't understand and then I realized he was crying softly onto my shoulder. I asked what was wrong, and he only held me tighter. It was then he told me that Mommy had went up to Heaven, and that she won't be coming back, however she would always be watching over me. 'Mommy became an angel?' I had asked. He nodded, and then I started to cry. I buried my face in his chest, just like this now, and the tears came for the last time in ten years. I never cried again, not even when my father died soon after. I considered Dad lucky, because he was up in Heaven with Mommy and she would always be able to bake him cookies on Saturday afternoons."

"Oh, Seto," Joey breathed sympathetically.

The fact that he was pitying me didn't really bother me at the moment. Actually, it felt rather nice. I shook my head as I lifted my face and sighed. "It's so funny how the rest of my life seemed to be a blur and yet I remember that part in my past so distinctively."

Joey trailed a hand down my face. "I think I love you, Seto Kaiba," he confessed in a shy tone.

A laugh escaped my throat, a hysterical laugh and I knew I was about to lose it, and I didn't care. "Ever since I was cursed in this girl's body, I have not been acting like myself at all. The person you are in love with is Melody, not Seto." I spread my arms gesturing my body. "This is not who I am."

"What if this is exactly who you are?" Joey countered.

His statement caught me completely off-guard. Then came forth the classic Kaiba snort. "What, an over-emotional weakling?"

Joey leaned in close. "A person with a heart."

I was stunned, and as I sat there contemplating his statement and wondering if he was right, those soft, soft lips found my own again. To be stunned on top of the previous stun, I fell over taking Joey with me. His dark orbs gazed deeply into my eyes for a minute, then he kissed me again. They were gentle, cautious kisses, as if Joey were holding back because of what happened with Kemo. I smiled mentally. Could I ever be as unselfish as Joey? Maybe, maybe not. Who's to know now that I have started upon my path to that big word with capital letters known as SELF-DISCOVERY. I could almost hear the big symphony crescendo when I think of that word.

My fingers forked their way through the mane of golden hair, pulling his face closer, if that were possible. I briefly licked his bottom lip, and I heard him give a tiny groan. I welcomed his tongue, drinking in his warmth, his love. I then realized that I need Joey, more than anything I have ever needed, ever craved.

Except.....

I also realized that there was something else I was craving. It had been bothering me for the past few days now, but because I was wallowing so much in self-pity, I never really understood what it was. Until now. I sat up and gently pushed Joey apart from me. "Joey, can I ask you something?" I inquired softly.

He stared at me with half-lidded eyes and nodded.

"Do you have any chocolate?"

***

So, that is what this aisle looked like. Not as scary looking as I thought it would be, but at the same time, did they have to be so conspicuous about the packages? Damn, they had an entire wall dedicated to these things alone.

Oh, hell, what to choose? Let's see, Tampax, Always Maxi, Koaties, what the hell!?!?! How was I supposed to know which was the better product!!! "You are a cruel, cruel goddess, Isis," I muttered. Okay, um, which was the one that was the diaper and which was the one that you stick up your......

"Hey, Melody!" a voice called.

I jerked out of my thoughts and felt my face warm a bit when Tea ran up to me. "So, you stocking up for your monthly week, too?"

My face burned a bit more. "Yeah," I finally replied, not knowing how else to answer.

"So what product do you usually buy?" she asked.

"Uh....." I decided to be honest. "Actually, this is my first time."

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Really? How old are you!?!"

I said the first age that popped into my head. "Fourteen." I heard of girls starting this when they were as young as twelve, (I did take Sex-Ed so I'm not that deprived of life), and I hoped that fourteen wasn't too ridiculous sounding.

Tea sighed. "You are so lucky. I started the curse when I was thirteen."

I had to keep from breathing a sigh of relief.

"Well, I'll help you out," Tea announced. She seemed to think for a moment (I never thought she was capable of doing such a thing), then she reached up and pulled out a blue package of Always Maxi pads, multi-sizes or something like that. "Here," she announced handing the package to me. "You'll want to use pads first, because tampons aren't really that good for first timers. This is a multi-size package meaning you have small pads if you're light, medium if you're moderate, and large if you're heavy." She handed me another package. "All-nighters. Put these on every night before you go to bed. Trust me on this one."

"How am I supposed to know if I'm light or moderate or what?" I inquired, feeling totally and utterly embarrassed, not to mention my gut was killing me and the toilet paper lining my underwear was starting to stick.

"Use the medium size first, then you can be the judge," Tea winked. "Well, I better get going!" she added as she snatched up a package of Tampax. "See ya later, Melody!"

I sighed deeply as I walked off with my new pads to the candy aisle. I dumped packages of Hershey's Hugs, Almonds, and Reeses' mini-cups in the plastic basket I was carrying. It was going to be a very, very, very long week. I needed to become a boy again, and I needed to become one fast!

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