All About
Breaking Up
In light of what has
happened in our lives recently, we’ve decided to add a page on breaking up,
arguably the most difficult aspect of dating relationships, and definitely the
most hated and dreaded.
So how do you
keep breakups from being so painful?
Well, it’s probably going to be painful in one way
or another, but there are things you can do to help. Keep the communication
lines open between you and your significant other. When you consistently feel that something’s
not right in your relationship, don’t be afraid to talk about it. If your significant other really cares about
you as a person, they’ll respect what you have to say. Noelle and I tried our
darndest throughout our relationship to make it an open and honest
relationship, and we succeeded for the most part. As such, when it started to look like things
might not work out between us, we started talking about them before too much
time had passed. As I began to realize
that our relationship might not work out, one of my reactions was to get pretty
bummed out; but it helped that my bummed-ness was spread out over a longer
period than if we had suddenly broken up one day, with no warning (as a result
of not talking about our feelings). We
didn’t allow tensions to build up between us with respect to our problems, and
so when the time came for us to break up, we were emotionally controlled for
the most part, and we avoided saying things that we might regret saying
later.
Our commitment to chastity
played a huge part in our breakup not being so painful, for several reasons:
1.
Since
we weren’t kissing all the time, we had all the time in the world to really
talk to each other. This, along with our
openness and honesty, helped us both to realize that our dating relationship
was probably nearing its end.
2.
Since we weren’t sexually involved, that
aspect of ourselves hardly came into play at all. There was no extra emotional attachment
associated with a sexual relationship, and we weren’t using the physical aspect
of our relationship to make up for the other areas where our relationship
wasn’t working out. We didn’t feel
overly pressured to make things work, because there was no existing sexual bond
that we might not be willing to break.
3.
By
being chaste, we were more readily able to realize that there is only one
person (if anyone) truly made for each of us, and that maybe we weren’t that
person. We knew that we truly belong to that person, even if we haven’t met him
or her yet.
So how do
you break up with someone without hurting their feelings?
You
can't. They're going to be hurt, but if you follow these steps, you can
minimize the pain.
1) Don't take advantage of the other person. Don't keep holding on for
your own emotional needs without considering their emotional needs.
2) If you have a doubt about your relationship, talk about it. It may not
be as bad as it seems, or it may be time to let go of the relationship.
But you won't know until you discuss the doubt openly and honestly with him/her.
3) If it is time to break up and you know in your heart that you have not taken
advantage of this person, you have to get it over with. Tell them that
you feel that this relationship is not right for you.. that you don't feel like
it is right to lead him/her on when you know that you're having so many doubts
and troubles with this relationship.
4) Put the ball in their court about wanting to be friends or not. If you
want to be friends, you should say that you know it will be very difficult, but
you value him/her as a person and would like to continue with a friendship, but
only when they're ready.
5) PRAY. Pray before, pray through, and pray afterwards. It's going to be
rough to get on with both of your lives, but God is leading.. how can you go
wrong?
Where do I go from here?
1) Take a few days - week to have a pity party and chocolate ice cream.
2) Don't dwell on the sadness, think about the happy times and enjoy the
company of other friends.
3) Accept that the relationship has ended and that God may be calling you to
new things. If you're meant to be YOU WILL BE.
4) Get out.. go see a movie, get with your other friends and find opportunities
to meet new people - at school, church, job, wherever. Take it slow. And don't
let anyone take advantage of you on the "rebound."
5) PRAY! Pray that God will show you His will for your life and that you will
be humbly accepting of whatever He has in store for you.