Marry Me Or I Foreclose On The Mortgage
"[Jon Pinyan] was a mighty [New Jerseyan]. (Those brackets are there because I was writing this before the challenge and planned to fill
in the rest like a Mad Lib.) [Jon] had a shock of [hair], shocking enough to insipre many a Girls Gone Wild video. [Jon] was famous
throughout [the New Jersey metropolitan area] for [his] [2nd place standing in the last round]. [He] also stood [about 5, 6 feet tall? I don't know], enough to crush large woodland creatures by sitting on them.
"One day [Jon] was walking through [Brainerd, Minnesota] when [he] heard a scream by the old railroad tracks. [Jon] asked a random
passersby, [let's say Fernando], what was up. [Fernando] yelped, "Oh, it's horrible! Some handlebar mustachioed fiend has tied [Colin
Fogle, the lower-ranked of the two players right now] to the railroad tracks! You have to have [him]!" (Only after rereading this in Round 11 did I see that a) I screwed up, and b) that sounds dirty.)
"[Jon] knew that the only way to save [Colin] from [a 10,000 vote penalty] would be to [beat the host at a game of Yahoo Pool] on the
precise time of [8:00 PM Central Time, Tuesday night]. Could [Jon] do it, or would [he] let [Colin] just sit there and get run over by the
hulking [vote penalty] like the [jerk] that [he] is?"
Valerie had words about this.
Valerie (Texas): I have but one thing to say to you
mtvcdm: Yais?
Valerie: you are the most evil host when it comes to challenges I've ever had (coming from a person who's been in about 60 games...)
mtvcdm: Why, thank you.
Indeed, I had meant it to be an agonizing decision for the hero of the folktale. You get into my games, expect to have your central nervous system run through the shredder. (See, I had thrown in 2 stones as a potential reward for saving Colin.) Plus feelings for people come out, as evidenced by Colin, in this offline message to me upon seeing the minigame:
Colin (Rhode Island): I hate you.
No duh he hated me; I'd just put him at risk of 10,000 votes with his only savior being an opponent.
Jon showed up. Here's the game recap of the 1 game of 8-ball.:
Jon breaks and doesn't sink anything. I go up and grab the solids, thus giving Jon the stripes. I shoot again and regret taking solids, because I just sank 2 stripes. Things went downhill for both of us from there. Scratch. Foul. Miss. It's like calling a cockfight where both roosters are blind. Jon gets down to the 8-ball and can't sink it. I get down to the 8-ball and we both hit ungodly levels of suck. We both learn new words from each other. None of them usable in public. Finally Jon sinks, wins, saves Colin.
We head on to Mount Rushmore, where I scheduled a find-the-picture game. Couple differences: 3 rounds, and I've stuck the 8 into a bracket. Not much of a difference, but damned if I was going to leave Mount Rushmore off the route.
So while this was going, I warned the players the next 2 rounds would be evil even for me. I asked them what I might have in mind. Here's what Devon said:
Devon (Louisiana): I think you will spin a big wheel, like the kind they have on wheel of fortune, except on each section there is a name, not an amount of money. The person which the wheel lands on is eliminated...
NO! Don't get any ideas from that! *gets down on knees and begs* PLEASE don't do that...
Anyway, in round 1, Devon beat Fernando, Aaron eliminated Danny, David upset Colin in a 3-6 match, and Jon beat Valerie.
Meanwhile, Valerie was confiding to me for what must have been the jillionth time about how she was the only woman.
Valerie (Texas): okay so should I bribe them to get it done?
mtvcdm: Whatever it takes.
Valerie: being the only female, I'm sure I can cook something up
mtvcdm: Yea, yea, have your fun, only female.
Valerie: I would, but I just realized Aaron's not on AIM ... there goes all hope of me being the sex symbol of 24/7
mtvcdm: This is like the 90 millionth time you've referred to being the only woman.
Valerie: I make a big deal out of it, because I feel left out
mtvcdm: I've seen a bunch of games with NO women.
Valerie: but with one woman she feels left out
mtvcdm: I don't look at gender or age or anything.
Valerie: yeah, but then there was Odds
mtvcdm: Just the 12 best-looking players. ... Course with Alex, I should've looked a little longer...
Valerie: just a bit harder might have helped ... it just is like "agh not another game where I have to win it for the females"
mtvcdm: You're doing fine so far.
Valerie: so far. ... big difference between so far and the end ... I hope to be the one living at the end
mtvcdm: Well, we'll see what happens.
Valerie: still a ways to go
Note how I'm dancing and dodging what I have in mind: Bring the 13th place applicant (last man out, really) into the game the very next round. This would be known female Heidi Whittington of Willards, Maryland, who chose North Dakota. If Valerie could just get through this one, she'd meet up with Heidi and not be the only woman.
Oh, and David beat Aaron in the finals to get 4 stones. Meh.
Now, let's talk exile in Dubois, Idaho. Mainly, let's talk Fernando, Valerie and Danny. Fernando had another round of worthlessness, Valerie hadn't done much recently either, and I could see voters forgetting that Danny had stones before Exeter, New Hampshire, because he hadn't gotten any since then. The choice was easier this round: Fernando hadn't done anything to gain position, and he was the last-place survivor of last round.
Well, until he used 5 Safety Stones. That took him out of the discussion entirely and put Valerie in his place.
And I noted Valerie had used 1 of hers. The question is, would that be enough to send Danny, third in line, home? Especially with the one audience vote she had accrued?
mtvcdm: So what do you think of your chances?
Valerie (Texas): fair
mtvcdm: Fair.
Valerie: yes
mtvcdm: So no "dismal " or "great". Just 'fair'.
Valerie: I've learned not to overestimate or underestimate my chances ... fair is about as blah as you can get
Yes, it would. The exile, however, wasn't. I didn't see it coming. I liked Danny. I didn't see his recent slump as enough to send him to the chopping block. But then again, I'm not the only factor. Fernando and Valerie had simply used Safety Stones at the right time. I had my marching orders, and so did he. Danny was exiled.
7 contestants, 6 rounds.