MERIDIAN
God bless Charlie Spradling's breasts

  It's a good thing Charlie (credited here simply as Charlie) doffs her duds here; I'm not a big enough fan of Sherilyn Fenn for the promise of her own nudity to sustain my interest indefinitely.  Now Charlie, that's another story, and even though she mostly disappears from the film about halfway through, at least she took it off, and that's all I ever ask from a movie that stars her.

I should've asked for more.  It's hard to imagine a movie more boring than Meridian, but I've seen Next Of Kin so I unfortunately know it to be true.  Seeing Charlie's breasts was nice, but after that scene 25 or so minutes in, she not only spends the rest of the movie clothed, but spends what little screen time she has left scrubbing at paint.

Fenn plays a young American returning to the Italian castle her family owns, and Charlie, her friend.  One day they come across a troupe of entertainers, who they proceed to be entertained by, maybe a little too much - a little bit of some rohypnol-type substance in their drinks, and next thing they know, they're each having sex with one of two twin brothers (Malcolm Jamieson), one of which turns into a hairy werewolf-like creature.  Then they try to figure out what's going on.

Meanwhile, I was having enough trouble staying awake.  There's some pretty scenery, good makeup on that creature, and Charlie's breasts are always good for perking me up, but the rest of the film is your standard beauty-and-the-beast rubbish which have put me to sleep since I was six.

There's not a lot to say about this one; I take notes when I'm at home watching movies I plan to review, and by the time this one was over I found myself with a sheet of paper entirely blank except for the film's title at the top.  That's how much of an impression this movie made on me.

Directed by Charles Band, it's an early Full Moon effort, also known as Kiss Of The Beast. (check out the super-crass hawking of Full Moon merchandise after the Making Of... after the credits; oh, they do this after all their movies, but never so tackily as this)  If you can get your Charlie fix from somewhere else, do so.  If you can't, for God's sake keep that Fast-Forward button handy.

BACK TO MAIN PAGE BACK TO THE M's