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The meeting that the other Crichton had called to announce his crazy plan to attack Scorpius had broken up.
He truly was as fahrbot as her John had been. But he was as honorable, too. And as much the frelling hero.
Nothing had really been decided except that Aeryn and Crais had made it plain they would be part of his crusade. Probably some of the others would, too, but that was a question for tomorrow, or the next day.
Now, it was very late, and after all the emotional stress of the day – returning to Moya, rescuing Rygel, and seeing the message John had left for the other, to name just three – Aeryn knew she really should be trying to sleep. Instead, she was sitting at the table in the galley in the middle of the night, picking at a plate of food cubes. She’d felt the need to eat, but nothing really appealed. Nothing had since…. She had settled for the food cubes – they took neither thought nor effort to prepare – and was staring into space as she nibbled, trying not to think.
Apparently also looking for a late-night snack, Chiana appeared in the room unnoticed by Aeryn. The young Nebari cocked her head and observed her shipmate. What little she’d seen of the former Peacekeeper since Talyn’s return had made it very clear that Aeryn was in considerable distress, presumably over events on board Talyn. It tore at Chiana’s heart, even if she was angry with Aeryn over the way she was treating – or not treating – the human who had pined for her all the time they were separated. “Aeryn,” she said softly, “I’m sorry about your Crichton.”
Startled, Aeryn focused on Chiana with something approaching panic welling up. She considered what to do. She knew the ones left behind on Moya were going to be asking about what had happened, and she had to say SOMETHING. Maybe getting it over with now would be a good idea. She could always leave if the girl got too pushy. She steadied her nerves and said, “You hardly knew him, Chiana.”
Chiana fixed her with a stare and replied, “I knew him well enough to know that he was Crichton, just like ours.” She paused for a minute, making up her mind. “And that he loved you,” she said, hoping Aeryn wouldn’t bristle at the unspoken, *just like ours*.
Aeryn didn’t respond at all.
On the other hand, Chiana thought, it would probably be better for Aeryn to be taking people’s heads off than to be so closed down. Even for Aeryn, she was seriously repressed here. Chiana could only imagine how much the Sebacean must be hurting. She plucked up her courage and said cheerfully, “I hope you’re this broken up about it because you finally let yourself love him, not because you didn’t.”
That got a response.
”What difference does it make?” Aeryn said harshly. “He’s gone.”
“I’ve always thought it was easier to live with loss than with regret.”
Aeryn pondered that for a few microts. *Live with it,* Chiana had said. Not *Get over it.* That deserved an honest answer. “I loved him.”
“Good,” Chiana said, and turned and walked over to the food stores.
While Chiana rummaged through the supplies, fixing herself something to eat, Aeryn changed the subject. “Did I hear right? You’re seeing things before they happen now?”
Hey! Aeryn was talking to her. Grateful for the miracle, the Nebari looked back over her shoulder and said, more cheerfully than she felt, “Yeah, sometimes. Krell, huh?”
“Has it helped any?”
Chiana looked over her shoulder and shrugged. “Sometimes. It scares the Hezmana out of me half the time, like today. But it makes things interesting.” She grinned.
“How long has it been happening?” Aeryn asked, vaguely surprised she even cared.
Chiana brought a plate full of fruits Aeryn didn’t recognize back to the table. “Um,” she said, picking up a piece, “since not long after we got separated from you guys. We ran into this really weird energy alien that was trying to use our bodies to hide in. Crichton bled like crazy all over everything when it tasted him, but it liked me…” She trailed off when she realized Aeryn had paled at the offhand comment about John. She waited a moment for Aeryn to ask about it, but when she didn’t, Chiana reassured her anyway. “Hey, he did okay. You can see for yourself he’s fine.”
Once again, Aeryn didn’t deign to comment, only taking a bite out of the food cube in her hand, and Chiana continued her story. “Anyway, it hid in me for quite a while before we got it out. After that, I started having these flashes. They’ve been getting stronger lately. Don’t know why.”
Aeryn stirred herself to ask a practical question. “Could these flashes of yours help us against Scorpius?”
“Probably not unless they get a lot more specific. You heard Crichton today. He didn’t care that I’d heard somebody get shot before it happened. He just wanted to know who did it. And he was right, what good is it if I don’t know who or when or how?”
“I suppose not.” Aeryn got up to pour herself some water.
Chiana observed her, wondering if the Sebacean was up to hearing what she wanted to say. She decided to give Aeryn the freedom to walk away if she needed to. Before Aeryn got back to her seat, Chiana said, “You’re going to have to talk to him, you know. He’s gotta know where he stands with you, or he’s going to get you all killed worrying about it.”
Aeryn stood still, mind racing, trying to keep control. With an effort she said, “I know. But I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Then say that. At least he’ll know you don’t hate him. You don’t, do you?”
“Why would I hate him?” she said quietly, setting the glass she was holding down on the counter.
“Because he’s alive,” Chiana told her. She thought she’d gone too far when she could see Aeryn’s eyes begin to glisten with tears.
But the tears never fell. Aeryn took a deep breath and said, “I can’t hate him, Chiana. He’s…John,” she gestured helplessly. “But….”
“But you can’t love him, either. Not now, anyway, and maybe not ever,” Chiana finished for her.
Aeryn nodded, not trusting herself to be able to speak without crying, and not being willing to cry, ESPECIALLY in front of Chiana….
Chiana cocked her head and studied her friend. She took pity on Aeryn and backed off. “Well, standing up for him and his crazy scheme is a good start. He’s a man. He’ll want to assume that’s a good sign.”
Aeryn smiled faintly through unshed tears. “You’re probably right there.”
“Just talk to him, Aeryn. He’s not stupid. He knows you loved the other him. Even if the best you can give him right now is you’re too mixed up to know how you feel, he’ll figure out a way to deal with it. Just don’t shut him out. He needs to know he HAS a relationship with you, whatever it is.”
“Of course he has one,” Aeryn whispered. She took a deep breath, blinked, and smiled at Chiana then, a brittle, ironic smile.
The Nebari had long since stopped eating her fruit, but now, recognizing Aeryn’s expression as a dismissal, she picked up another piece and took a bite. When she looked up again, Aeryn was gazing vaguely around the room. Chiana wasn’t at all surprised when Aeryn turned without another word and headed for the door.
Watching her go, Chiana was somewhat reassured that Aeryn seemed to be unbending at least a little. Hopefully she WOULD talk to Crichton sometime soon. The poor guy really needed it.
Chiana wished her flashes could tell her everything was going to be okay….
