U. Machias Online EXTRA
MASS GRAVE DISCOVERED
IN TORREY HALL

SEVERAL COMPUTER CORPSES IN VARIOUS STAGES OF
DISMEMBERMENT WERE RECENTLY DISCOVERED...

IN THIS OFFICE ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF
TORREY HALL.

MANY OF THE CORPSES HAVE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERED
THE BARBAROUS EFFECTS OF SEVERE TORTURE...

BEFORE BEING DUMPED.

INVESTIGATORS HAVE LITTLE TO GO ON EXCEPT THE
LOCATION OF THE DUMPING GROUND.

VICTIMS OF A BRUTAL REGIME, THEY ARE BELIEVED
TO HAVE SUFFERED AN AGONIZING DEATH BEFORE
BEING DUMPED INTO THIS PIT.

WHILE REFUSING TO IDENTIFY THE PERSON BEING QUESTIONED,
ONE INVESTIGATOR DID DIVULGE THAT THE
PRIME SUSPECT SAID LITTLE EXCEPT,
"IT'S ALL JOHN'S FAULT, IT'S ALL JOHN'S FAULT,
IT'S ALL JOHN'S FAULT!"

THE PERPETRATOR FACES THE SERIOUS CHARGE OF
COMPUTER MOLESTATION IN THE FIRST DEGREE.


To leave feedback on this or any other material found in this paper contact: ummfeedback@hotmail.com
 


HOME

| ANNOUNCEMENTS  |  ARCHIVES  |  CANCELLATIONS  |  CALENDAR OF EVENTS  |  CAMPUS ORGANIZATIONS |
| CLASSIFIEDS |   COMPUTER ISSUES  |  COMPUTER FEEDBACK | CONSTITUTION  |  ENROLLMENT ISSUES  |  ENROLLMENT FEEDBACK |
| EDITORIALS  |   EDITORIAL FEEDBACK  |  EXTRAS | LINKS  |  NATHAN TURK  |  OUR CAMPUS  |   SITE MAP  |  TEXTBOOKS |