and break my own

Expectations

I always predicted
You'd learn to forget me

I always accepted
Being left on my own

I foretold long ago
We'd come to this ending

But I never expected
To brave it alone.

Stay Here

    Wait.
        Stop.
Something you said--
It wasn't what you meant to say.
You let it slip
Now you're turning away.
    Wait!
        Don't go.
I liked it-
That thing you just said
The thought you tried to hide
That came right out instead.
    Wait--
        Stay here.
Something I did--
It wasn't what I meant to do.
I said, 'Wait. Stay here.'
I meant, 'I love you, too.'

                   ~Æ

Marcia's Poem

    Note: this is not a love poem to Marcia. Marcia had this dream... and this stuff... and I dunno, it inspired me to write this poem. It's supposed to be from her POV, and it's really creepy-cool if you know 'bout her dream, but I'm not gonna type it up or anything. Uh. Anyway....

Here we are, in love
For all the world to see
And everything's all right
When you're here with me

Suddenly, you turn.
No, don't turn away!
Oh, What did I do?
Or what did I say?

You've left me here
Standing all alone
To brave this high cliff
All on my own

I'd depended on you
And no longer know how
To go on with life,
As you're doing now.

But wait--help me!
I need you, it seems
You're gone, but still
Half-here, in my dreams...

                   ~Æ

Icky Soup for the Teenage Soul

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul--
Mind-numbing stories by teenage twits.
Would you like another bowl
To wear away your mind and wits?

These stories inspire only hate.
Oh, dear, you say your parents fight?
They won't let you on a date?
Your hamster died the other night?

I can't believe your make-up smears
Or that you hate your hair.
All your problems, it appears
Are neither here nor there.

In fact, about your parents fighting,
I'd like to make a wager:
Your stories are creative writing
You're just a normal, bored teenager.

                   ~Æ

Holly

I saw your beginning
One beautiful morning--
A small shoot of life
Among desolate snow.
Not knowing your nature,
I shook my head sadly:
I knew in this place
Nothing fragile could grow.

                   ~Æ

Ron

The tall, red, and handsome young Ron
Seems to think he's Hermione's pawn.
But I know in my heart,
That when they break apart,
He and I will be getting it on.

                   ~Æ

Goodnight

Wordlessly, the lovers cry,
Fighting failing light--
For they know they say Goodbye
When they say, "Goodnight."

                   ~Æ

Recorrespondence

I wonder if you realize
The nonchalance behind your eyes
Is my reason not to live

I'd put myself through Hell for you
And I suppose you want me to
Well it's all I have to give

I am afraid to let you see
I love you more than you love me
Excuse me I'm preoccupied--
You looked at me, I almost died.
Nothing is what I deserve
And though you've overpaid
My product is yet on reserve
I guess I was misplayed

So what am I to do
When nothing said is true
Apologies are overdue

Even Nietzsche tried to find
the truth about hate
and its opposite

                   ~Æ

Could I explain to me..?

If I were you would I really do
The things you know I want you to?
Given the choice, given the chance,
Would I take me to the dance?
Would I humor this romance?

Or would I somehow find the strength
To explain to me at length
Why she got the "love"
And you-I mean I-
Got the "like?"

                   ~Æ

Our rules

I thought I couldn’t feel love
But realized in good time
We two agreed that real love
Was beyond the paradigm

I thought we’d redefine it
Or maybe we’d transcend
I tried to redesign it
(But that was a dead end)

Your way is as good as mine
In this, the game of fools
Our ideas we can intertwine
To make up our own rules.

                   ~Æ

Flight of Dreams

The sun sinks slowly behind the trees
Glinting golden through.
Black on black the shadows stretch,
Softly settling dew.

My hands hold hopes, desires, dreams,
Darkness dares their flight.
And all away they’re set to soar
Into endless night.

Pushing You

The simple words "I love you"
Are worth their weight in gold;
They fester in our hearts
When carelessly are told
The golden words "I love you"
Would make a lovely ring
They're lightweight and disposable
For the fall after the fling
The weighty words "I love you"
Send shivers down my spine
Like finding out a tumor is
Malignant, not benign.
The fickle words "I love you"
Are spoken as a spell--
That serves to send enchanter (ess?)
And enchanted both to Hell.
That hated phrase "I love you"
Could push you off the brink
And I'm too scared to say it
But you know it's what I think.

Quit Making Bets, Damnit

why can't I turn down a challenge?
why must I play every hand?
well deal me in, attack again
record my winnings in the sand
the tide will turn and tie the score
and we'll be forced to play some more
these cards are getting worn
this game is getting old
but we know we'll keep playing
and neither one will fold....

Morals for Sale

The incandescent light bulb / is planted in my yard
Magic is a game / I play it card by card
(extemporaneous incantations)
The President is speaking on / how silicon is leaking (and)
I need to find a place to hide / till Hegel's done critiquing
(domo domo domo arigato)
My conscience is protesting, / my own cephalic picket
Proliferation's wrong but cool; / so says Hegemony Cricket
(new nuclear temptations)
The newly manufactured code / fits the modern moral goal
Luckily, it's on sale now / and it only costs a soul
(improved plastic superego)

things i can't see

i yearn so for simplicity
you'd think it were necessity
yet I look to life's complexity
with pretense of perplexity
to curb my notoriety;
a charming lack of piety.
and with complete sobriety,
i blame naïve propriety
and my analyticity
together in complicity
for their knack at keeping me
from seeing things i cannot see.

                   ~Æ

The Last Poem I'll Ever Write You

Tell me why I still love you at dawn
When jet-lagged dreams forget you're gone
And hot morning showers con't make me forget
The angles of your silhouette
I never should have touched your mind
I didn't know what I would find
Hot as fire and colder than ice
You burned me once and chilled me twice:
Your lips scathed my name--a curse
My mouth and neck fared even worse
And scars remain beneath my skin
Because you blister from within.
I need some peace from you, and yet
Can't think of you with much regret.

Istisms

I took my heart down off the shelf
And brought this whole war on myself
Though that, I know, has just begun
I thought I had one battle won.
Well that's "just me" apparently,
Into your mind I "just can't see."

Do you think I don't know you have a choice?
I will support whichever decision you make
And though bitterness may taint my voice
I'd prefer that you your preference take.

If you want to know my side as well
It wasn't an offer to go through hell
I lived it and I'm coming back
But it's been a hard, confusing track
I know you gave a lot for me
And I to you the third degree:
For your patience, I'm in debt
But I gave all that I could get.

I still can't stop the pen I hold
Though the words I write grow old,
The story cold, the pleas too bold:
Still, my thoughts cry to be told.

Augmented words are humiliations:
You wrote the theme, babe; I just write variations.
Just change the tune, try changing the key:
I play along, and you play with me.
I'd let you go, but you might stay
For the sake of my naïveté.

I don't presume to understand the meanings of your song
Past assumptions, now disproved, suggest that I'd be wrong.
I'd try for you-I'd die for you
You knew I could-I know I would
In that respect, I'd feel the same
If you chose not to play my game--
I have choices too you know,
But you're the one that makes me glow.

Poem with Important Second Line

I only feel at ease when I've something to forgive
I only feel alive when I write out what I live
I only feel immersed when I ought to rise above
and I only feel alone when I know that I'm in love

                   ~Æ

Why I'm so confused

And so the choice comes down on me
Opportunity or stability
One to like, to touch, to kiss
One to love, to crave, to miss...

Neither one has been insured
I feel as though I've been procured
I guess I always feel abused
It's part of why I'm so confused

Complements and kisses and mindless flattery
I smiled at you when you were flirting with me
But I was smiling past you
I was thinking all of him
Not that he surpassed you
It's just that I love him

I want to try to set things straight
I'm sick of giving up to Fate
But he's so high, so high above
I feel I'd weigh him down with love

At least with you I understand
And nothing done has been pre-planned
But why are you so into me?
What is it that you think you see?

(I guess I always feel abused
It's part of why I'm so confused...)

I wish you'd see me differently
Or I loved you like you love me
But most of all, and through and through,
That he'd love me the way you do.

                   ~Æ

If Annie had been British

Chaste conversation slowly turned
To gossip of for whom we burned
To snogging and to how we sinned:
She talked and I sat back and grinned.
She called me a beguiling lout
And asked what I was smiling about.
She thought she’d catch me at a joke
But I answered, “Just some ‘andsome bloke.”

                   ~Æ

Here, lemme show ya how it goes.

i sympathize about what you've lost
but you took, too, and that's the cost
oh please don't think that i blame you
or nothing that i've said is true.
i love the light you can't disguise;
the life that laughs behind your eyes
i'll never understand how she
could sneer at what you give to me
only loved for giving love
an awful way to be thought of
well i can see how that's depicted
but i can't heal what she inflicted...
still, maybe i can try to show
how such things are supposed to go.

                   ~Æ

gloried emptiness

A chill wind blows, the leaves now gloried: crimson, orange, and gold
The sky is unchanged, clear and blue; the air is getting cold
The field is bare of what I knew: of music, dancing, thinkers
The old gazebo stands deserted; alone as she remembers
the long hot days of summers past
the joy, the life, the love
and how those times went by too fast
and all the tears thereof

                   ~Æ

You could have warned me...

He warned me life was not a game
And I replied that they're the same...
I told you that I'd stop the lies
Truth is, I missed the exercise
She warned me that it was a sin--
But if I'm cheating then why can't I win?
Sixty-nine percent's a failing grade
No matter how the game is played.

I understand, as I told you I would
And I'll move on, like I told you I could.
I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
But I can't take the locket off of the chain.
Be nice and make it easy for me:
Take a breath and set yourself free.
‘Cause I might suffer that dull aching pain
But I can't take the locket off of the chain.

Someone warned me yesterday
Not to let life slip away
Someone warned me yesterday
Not to let things get this way
Well we'll first meet again someday
Maybe we'll find things to say
Someone warned me yesterday
Someone warned me, yesterday.

                   ~Æ

scratched

now there are scars on your wrist
but your eyes are still open wounds
that make me want to take you
and get you away from yourself.
well i'm always far enough away
to be your crying shoulder
bitter tonic not to know you better
isn't it?
but if i could find one glimmering
piece of Happiness
i'd give it to you, to keep
and to keep the cat from scratching
out its misery on your skin
next time it gets out
of the gunnysack

I believe

Everything life gives to me
is backlit by your glow--
It makes me see what I can't see
and show what I can't show.
I've been in darkness for so long
that I can't hide in day--
Blinded simply by your song,
I can't go on this way.
So I take every chance I find
to call faults and make you leave--
You can't, however, change my mind
nor make me disbelieve.
But if the sun decides to set
I will not fear the night--
That sun is all I know, and yet,
I now believe in light.

untitled

Inside me grow two awful things--
but only one is mine;
a violence, an innocence...
just one can I define.

The violence cannot be killed--
it is a part of me;
the innocence must be destroyed...
before it gets to Be.

I do not want to die myself--
nor live in total shame.
so I'll commit my last great sin...
and mourn what I became.

lying to my conscience

I side with the underdog, so when
my conscience yells at me I tend
to take its side and say that Oh,
it's sick of being guilty, so
the only decent thing to do
is make my conscience guiltless too.

telling a little white life

Didn't you trust me when I said
That you can't take me from my head?
Don't you believe me when I say
That I really want to be this way?
Won't you continue when I sigh
That all I have told you was a lie?

I guess it isn't fair of me to use you to
get over who I used just to get over you--
With him it didn't hurt to try.
All right, that's just a flat-out lie.

But you still make me what I'm not:
A virgin with a truelove knot.
It's really just a hangman's noose
that saves me from my self-abuse
and gives my conscience fuel the more
to call me a pathetic [bore].

                   ~Æ

blue eyes

                   ~Æ

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spare me

                   ~Æ

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Absurd Games (play to win)

This is a game of intellect, a game we like to play
A game based on nervosity, on what each one will say.
A game with unfamiliar rules, a game of that within
for all my learning how to lose, a game I'd like to win.
A game unconsummated yet by kiss nor touch nor glance...
A game in which we'll have to give absurdity a chance.

                   ~Æ

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Home

                   ~Æ

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similarities

It's a question of taste, it's a matter of choice
It's like learning to speak without using your voice
You're the one who can find all the keys to my mind
I'm the one who can see every time you are blind
It's our similar thinking, it's just synchronized sinking
It's the intoxication from the thoughts we've been drinking....

                   ~Æ

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to justin

                  ~Æ

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summer tears

                   ~Æ

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falling down

                  ~Æ

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falling up

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linguisticism

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deja vu

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everywhere

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I'll Get You.

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ambrosial stars

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(Softly)

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Also check out: Retarded Poetry