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[4.26.04] When the weight of the world
[4.24.04]
The last two days were rather hectic but full of good times as well. Thursday turned into a real mess. We were suppose to have a Queen's Centre Transition meeting with the SGSR (School of Graduate Studies and Research) but than they cancelled on us at the last minute. I had scheduled my day around this and was also expecting a fre lunch. Luckily, the Dieu was also having another free lunch for staff, so I figured everything worked out fine. Unfortunately, when I went up I was told they had run out of food. And when I went up again shortly after, since they had told me more food was on its way, that food was gone as well. So I ended up just getting a small salad and soup from the coffee shop upstairs. Then Iva (one of our lab techs, sweetest little Czech woman I've ever met) showed up with a sub for me. That made me happy. Later on I found out our benefits consultant had screwed up the numbers for our premiums, stemming from a typo in their report from last year, so a couple more hours ended up being spent trying to rework the numbers so everything fell in line with our policies.
[4.18.04]
The weekend began on the 16th. I didn't run any experiments on Friday since we had our journal club at noon, and I had my oral exam for that neuroscience course at 3:30. Albeit, I probably could've finished my dissection in the morning and ran some experiments after our journal club/lunch, but I had other research related activites to keep me occupied anyways so I figured better that than rushing through my experiments or risk having to leave midway through one. I also had a number of things that needed to be tended to at the SGPS office (mostly health and dental plan-related). So, the night before I had gotten with a few of the other grad students from the aforementioned class to prepare for the oral exam (which was suppose to simulate an oral defence of a thesis [or in this case, our answers to the take home]). I ended up going back to the office after our meeting, updated the books, wrote some cheques and manage to get home by 12:30 (a.m.? [half-past midnight]), which left me hours to prepare for the exam. Unfortunately, as often happens when I decide my eyes need a rest while I lay in bed, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until morning. The next day was rather hectic. I ended up at the library by 2:30, but eventually just gave up preparing for the exam as I realized how thick the stack of journal articles we covered were, and how little I was able to actually apply to our take-home.
[4.11.04]. 3:15 a.m. How oh how I hate take home exams. Finally figured out at least a skeleton of my answers for our Phgy 822 (Cellular and Molecular Neuroscience) take home due Monday. Four questions, maximum 5 pages each. One of the questions seemed almost too unchallenging. Then we found out the prof didn't realize the exam was a take home. And here I thought they were just being nice. So, it's Sunday morning now I guess. Last couple days have been... interesting... albeit a bit of a pain as well. Spending my Easter long weekend here in Kingston. Thursday night was suppose to be spent working on the aforementioned take home. After some unsolicited drama though, along with a cup a copy and a nap, i had finally had enough and headed down to the Lone Star. After a few hours, a few more drinks and some honing of the old foosball abilities, we headed down to McDonald's. I don't think I ended up getting anything. The next morning, besides being full of merriment, I was also left wondering. Where was my jacket? Did I pay my tab? How am I not hungover? Then I realized the dame I had left my jacket with, was not one who I knew. That's where being a nice guy will leave you. There and outside McDonald's putting up a sign requesting said dame to call you back so you could recure your jacket. This was of course after wandering through Botterell (the life sciences building) to find the room your peers had selected for discussion of the take home exam you'd all been working ever-so-hard on. This was followed by a trip back to the Lone Star to make sure I had paid my tab. I have to admit, this seems to be an all too regular occurence these days, though not neccessarily always at the Lone Star. I was glad to hear there were no unpaid bills from the previous night. Upon arriving at home, I found the bill from the previous night in my pocket. Four pitchers and two shots of tequila (there were two of us, I was the only one who had shots - I was thirsty). Good times. Of course, the contents of my jacket included my keys. And the superintendent, being the charming, helpful man he is (note: extreme sarcasm) told me I would not be able to get new keys (or a new key card) until Monday (this was on Friday). He also decided that it was too much trouble for him to walk across his spacious apartment once a day to buzz me in. So, I've been pretty much in the apartment all day. Going to the lab and/or library tomorrow to work and then probably going to come home Monday morning so I can get my damn key and spit in the super's face (just because I *can* do something though, doesn't necessarily I will... I mean I could also just stab him in the eye). Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this instance by an 'orrible cunt... me! - Brick Top [4.7.04] What's funnier: a barrel full of laughs or a barrel full of monkeys [4.3.04] This weekend the SGPS semi-formal passed. As far as I could tell, everyone was enjoying themselves. I had a good time. Maybe I kept talking way past when I should've stopped talking once or twice. No harm done. Afterwards, followed some lawyer-types to some meds-types at Cocamo. I have yet to hear anything at all flattering about it, but the two times I've gone, were both good nights. I tells ya. I'd like to think I know how to have a good time. So, friday night was a good time. Good looking people and plenty of beverages. I was pleasently surprised to awake sans hangover since gratuitous consumption of champagne, wine, tequila, and beer usually don't coincide well. But i think it was just one of those nights where everything was meant to go well. Well... almost everything. My jacket has still yet to show up. I know of at least one person whom i spoke with at length who i probably won't be speaking with at length for at least a little while. Some things are always uncontrollable despite the best laid plans. And so instead i went off in search of my doctor woman. But the diversions that arose were nothing but the pleasentest. I've been lucky enough to keep getting served by some of the finest. [3.31.04] . 1:17 a.m. "... look at the flowers"
[3.11.04] I have a bit to write about now, but much more I have to do for school. For now let's just leave it with a little something I wrote tonight. ... is worth 2 in the back
A stab in the eye
[3.6.04] 10:38 a.m. Last night was fun. One of Derek's buddies came down to visit and we ended up hanging out with him, his sister, some of her roommates and friends. Derek and I started our night at My Bar, before heading over to join everyone else and head over to Scherzo. I forgot the name of the band that played but am rather sad that that was their last gig before breaking up. They were good musicians, with a good stage presence, and just seemed to be all around good guys. The girls ended up running into people they knew as we walked back up Princess after the show, and we ended up at Larry's (Pit Stop?)with a few lost to Pizza Pizza along the way. I pretty much went straight into the washroom, and as I was using the urinal, this gentleman starts talking to me. He was in his forties or so. And he kept talking with me about school, and life, and family, and all that other stuff old people seem to always want to talk to me about when their drunk... Hmmm... I guess there's not much else to talk about if you discount those things though... but yeah, I have this thing where I try not to just walk away from conversations (it makes me feel bad) so we ended up talking for some length in the time in the washroom (which i found really awkward) so I suggest we head back to the bar and refresh our glasses. And then he stops me in the hallway and goes back to talking... So, apparently he had tied me up for a few moments and then some, as others were wondering what had happened to me as I finally returned. Then Burger King, then Bubba's, and a small italian poutine to help minimize the repercussions that were sure to follow come morning. Must eat now then go to lab and library... get stuff organized for committee meeting next week and continue work on that G.I. essay. We'll see what the night brings. Oh, I was also introduced to The Rejected Cartoons by Don Hertzfeldt,... i was very much amused. Check it out. [3.4.04] 1:34 a.m. [inebriated] huh?... what?... it's March?... Re... wha?... sults?... shut up. No, i won't let a buddy's birthday go uncelebrated. Yes, going to clubs does remind me of how pathetic (in every sense of the word) the bulk of society is. I HATE you all. Except for those of you who are reading this. And friends and family. And other happy people I've met along the way. The rest of you... you dumb [countless expletives]. [expletive] you to [expletive, expletive, etc,]. You know, you make life a living hell... BANE of my existence. [expletive exclamation, emphasis] bane [end emphasis]. I shall stop wasting time and effort on these expletive expletives].
[2.29.04] So, I have a new little ritual now. Basically I dance at the Lone Star for this one waitress and make an ass of myself for a brief moment and get free shots for people. Some appreciate it more than others. Still not sure if they contain any alcohol though. This last time it looked and kinda tasted like amaretto, but again, severly diminished taste buds. Really, I don't care. Well, that's debatable. I mean I just don't care that i look like an ass. I have a good time, and have a good rapport with my server. I dunno, I've been to a number of the licensed establishments in the area now, and I generally have a good time. Obviously the quality of waitstaff and barstenders is rather variable, so it's nice to finally have a place where I can make a total ass of myself and the staff not only don't mind, but appreciate it. Some pages I was distracted by tonight while trying to do research:
[2.22.04] Went back to the Lone Star last night. I had a good time despite the noted absence of our previous night's sever. They have a good foosball table there. Don't think it's a Fabi, but pretty much the same style, and it's well kept and one of the faster tables I've played on anywhere, which makes me happy. I always enjoy a good foosball table. Lone Star's a little bit on the pricey side as far as university town bars are concerned, but on the upside it means a slightly more aged crowd for the most part (which i've really grown to appreciate now as it helps me forget how old i'm getting). They also have free nachos there (granted to enhance your thirst) but still, free food is always a plus in my books. Anyways, so it apparently took maybe a day for stories of this little chinese boy to start circulating through the Lone Star staff. heh. Time for a little introspection and reaffirmation of my life's work. What is my life's work? To make people happy. :) That's the one thing I've learned I'm able to do consistently and with some efficacy. Granted sometimes it takes a little fueling, but still I think it's the one thing in life i'm able to do with the least effort. And it makes me happy. and at times, the butt of many a joke, but meh, I've learn to laugh at myself. I mean, you might as well if everyone else is going to. What else would i do? Get serious?... pshh. I think I've been happier these last months than I have in awhile. Maybe that's not true, 'cause i've rarely been miserable or down for any prolonged period of time, but i have had my bouts of moodiness, and those definitely seemed to have thinned in recent memory. Though I was reflecting upon this fact earlier in the day and I'm pretty sure it's not so much Kingston itself that has been wholly responsible so much as the way I live these days. Mainly the fact that I'm pretty much in the lab most days, when I have classes they're usually smaller classes then before so you get a better opportunity to meet people, and most of these types are more intellectually stimulating than the bulk of those one usually finds amongst society. Basically, my schedule leaves me very little time to be in situations where I'm faced with ignorami (../ignoramuses.../ignorati) which have served as the bane of my existence in recent years, for any prolonged period of time. I've also learned to better prepare myself for a good time, and thereby make better times. I'm genuinely happy. Most of you know this. I'm not going to go through all that i have to be grateful for again, as the list is extensive. Being able to finally add financial stability is just the cherry. I've always been a giver. And this has led to financial insecurities in the past, but I've always believed everything comes back in the end, and in a way, that belief has been reaffirmed in me. I'm not the greatest guy in the world. I'm definitely flawed in many ways. But I definitely can't think of anyone else's life i'd rather have. There are definitely times when i wish i were smarter, more responsible, more motivated, a better student, a better researcher, but I have a good time. Sometimes I find it strange when people tell me I'm funny. It's something i hear a lot so I don't find it that surprising, but there are also many times when I'm just being 'normal' and just personable me and i still hear it. That makes me feel good. To me, being funny, means being amusing to others, and that's what i live for. The world is full of so much misery, sadness, hatred, ill-will, bad-mannered types full of malcontent and such that I make it a personal mission to counteract the energies and effects of all that to make the world a better place. Don't get me wrong, I don't see myself changing the world for the better or bringing about some great change in the world, but i do what i can to make the people around me happier, if even only for a moment. Which i usually find to be most rewarding. But rather trying at times, because, there are times when one founds themselves in the company of those miserable types and they honestly do suck a good deal of life out of me. But then I simply move on. I think the worst thing one can do is let others discontent get to you. If they're not going to take to my efforts of cheering up then screw them. There are many others who appreciate at least the effort. And I try. Not always succesfully. But above all other things, I'm always willing to put in an effort at that. I play the devil's advocate a lot. Even if i don't whole-heartedely believe the side I'm arguing. I just feel everyone's opinion should be considered and i hate to base any opinion on anything then all the possible contingencies. I'll always argue on behalf of or at least try to bring up concerns and beliefs of the side that isn't there. At least in more personal settings. I'm not good talking in front of large groups. Never have been. that's something else I wish I were better at. Of large groups, I basically believe there are always going to be people who just don't care about many sides of many stories, so i've always figured rather than boring anyone with my stories or views i'll share with those who actually care and will actually pay attention to the words i have to share. Some just don't care, and forcing your words upon them won't make a lick of a difference. I care. I live my life through my experiences and in particular human interactions. My experiences are severely limited so I try to get a better feel of the world through others experiences. Maybe in a way it is vicarious living, but in a way, i find it just a screening process as well to determine if would want to undergo the experiences of others. Really, I guess it's no different from asking anyone about their opinion on everything. Though always with the possible ulterior motive of gaining insight into another's personality. I feel bad for people who get on my nerves. Not because I'm about retribution or anything like that, but because I think I'm a very laid back and easy-going guy, and if someone irritates me, chances are that they grate the nerves of many others and thus also arouse much hatred towards themselves. This is why I don't 'hate' many others. Some people I do find to be rather annoying, but my feelings of sorrow for these people prevent the arousal of hatred within me. A long time ago, I'd occasionally wish certain people dead. I grew out of that phase. No matter who it is, chances are that someone somewhere cares for these people in much the same way I care for many others and the death of such an individual would probably hurt these individuals. An unnecessary and unpleasent side effect. And so instead, I just wish that these people simply didn't exist, or barring that I'd never have to come in contact with them (again). Plus, everyone thinks the way in which they live is 'right'. And if not, that at least it's okay, and noone that may be harmed by their actions don't deserve it. While I don't find this admirable in anyway, I think it results from some kind of flawed logic, or a lack of morals and scruples, and I don't think someone should be blamed for something they don't have, or to put it another way, simply 'cause they're screwed up. This does lead to conflicting sentiments within me but that's my burden (if one can call it that) and if anything it merely leads me to contemplate my own actions (and their underlying motives) that much more. I've always been about the self-psychoanalysis. I think there's a lot everyone can learn from themselves. From their own thoughts, actions, motives, emotions and such. If time would only allow. Time's a most precious thing. [2.21.04] 2:06 a.m. Kudos to the waitress who tolerated my antics tonight. I apologize for whatever trouble I stirred tonight, but c'mon now, if you're going to paint the word "WASHROOM" on a door, what do you really expect to happen beyond said door. On a related note, I performed my rendition of a 'Carleton' dance (a la Fresh Prince) for the first time in public tonight. I think the few that were in attendance were amused. I know, I'm a living joke. Meh. At least I know how to bring a smile (or chuckle) to people's faces... hopefully i righted my wrongs with said performance... if not, there's alway's tomorrow... cheers. (note: tonight's anecdotes resulted from a fantastically fun night at the Lone Star). [2.17.04] Reading week kinda loses some of its appeal when it basically just means you get to do lab work for 10 hours a day uninterrupted. Killed my first BALB/c mouse on Monday. Lot of twitching. Our lab tech usually does the euthanizing in our lab, but she had the day off for Heritage day. It's a good thing I'd watched the procedure being done enough times before, otherwise it probably would've thrown me off. What does still get to me a bit now and then is the fact that the mice don't seem to always (ever?) close their eyes when they get knocked out, at least not this strain. There's just something a little unsettling about exsanguinating a mouse (or probably anything else for that matter) that still has its eyes open. You just gotta kinda avoid its gaze. I've talked to a number of people about what the G.I. in G.I. Joe stands for. Mostly since I've started working with the GIDRU, since I know that GI (gastrointestinal) is probably not the same as Joe's 'G.I.' We never really came to a consensus. I just figured it was some military term like General Infantry or something. In the same conversation I think we also talked about me one day maybe getting my PhD - as a Doctorate in Phlatulence. Apparently G.I. the abbreviation stands for Government Issue, whereas G.I. (or GI?) the noun is an enlisted person in or a veteran of any of the U.S. armed forces, especially a person enlisted in the army (dictionary.com). There, that's my something new for today. Oh yeah, reason why I thought of this, our journal club is known as G.I. J.O.E. - Gastrointestinal Journals of Excellence. And they say scientists don't have a sense of humour... Other G.I.s
[2.14.04] 1:24 a.m. okay, i lied when i said i was going to cheat... so... last couple of days I have run into a number of people I really didn't think I would see again (or at least didn't think of seeing again) since our initial encounter... as per usual, names will be omitted in case any want to deny actually socializing with the likes of me... In brief, there was she in chem eng., who signed my nomitation form and kept me much entertained on the night of the mixer. There was she who I met again on same said night, who I had previously conversed with at semi-lentgh over a bowl of les melange de fetes... I thoroughly enjoy party mix... and certainly any company that accompanies it... Then there was that girl... at the Grizz tonight... who i bantered with shortly outside... i thought she looked familiar... then it eventually hit me... you were smoking outside my apartment that one night... last term... with that friend of yours then... whom i'm pretty sure i saw last night..., and was looking rather unapproachable as per usual... ... meh.... again, I apologize, as i wish i could write more at the present moment, but no... no... this'll have to do for now... maybe friday the 13th really isn't so unlucky.. ;-) ... Coney fries i like... [2.12.04] oi... a lot can happen in... 10 days... ... before i get too ambitious, quick synopsis... got rocked on my journal club presentation last friday (6th), went out with GI group later that afternoon to the brew pub... got ratified for my position (VP operations) for the SGPS on tuesday (the 10th)... got back home from Valentine's Day mixer at Grizzlyu Grill about 20 minutes ago ((the 11th [12th?])... plus a lot of article reading the last week or so... plus a lot more to come... started dissections on BALBc mice today (for those biomo-oligists out there)... basically these are the strain/background of mice that are typically used when researchers decide to use knockout mice (basically, mice with a certain gene 'knocked out' [i.e. missing])... things have been going... could be better, but could be a lot lot lot worst, so i'm not gonna gripe)... one thing I'm not too impressed by though is the personal attacks that certain individuals have taken on others who felt their cause could be furthered better by such means rather than adressing the issues apparently (e.g. see Queen's Journal: February 10th, Op-Ed section)... I'm going to forget a lot of the things i meant to bring up tonight, but first, here's all those links i mentioned sometime ago... Scott Blake - Barcode art
Dammit, I'm going to cheat and write in the rest of 'today's' entry later... (mental note: write about interesting people you met (again) tonight... tonight you went to the Grizz for that Valentine's day thing...)... [2.2.04] Just though i'd do a quick update as I don't know how much free time I'll be having in the next little while. Went to the Brew Pub (don't know what happened to their homepage) on friday with some labmates and friends. Was a good time. Then the majority of the party split while I was in the washroom. A little disheartening, but then again I guess we had just paid the bill. Spent the rest of the night with a compatriot from the basement of the Dieu chatting it up with this couple (both in their 40s) who had been sitting at the table next to us since we showed up. Good folk. Very parental like. But very reassuring too. Basically I had shown up with a tuque on ('cuz it was cold) and a bandana underneath ('cuz my hair kinda does it's own thing). But basically, over the course of the evening, Rob (the gentleman) told me how much of a dumbass/gangster i looked with the bandana on, how he was afraid of getting accidentally getting shot at any moment, and how he would rather his kids be in a class where I was the prof without a bandana rather than with. Also, they reassured me I was an okay looking/'cute' kid without my bandana. I appreciate that. I lack self-confidence. I've just come home from the QP. Had a meeting just before that. Don't go out to the QP that often as I don't know that many that frequent it, and you know how I am about drinking alone. Had some company though, so it was all good. Mental note:... Damn, I know i was to make a mental note of something. Regardless, there's still that meeting at 8:00 i'm to not miss, so i'm not even bother going to write anymore for the time being... except this... The showdown begins: QUTU vs. QUTAU Dammit, almost forgot, came across a bunch of interesting links (i.e. links that I, found interesting while procrastinating the other day. I'll probably put them up in a coupla days, but basically they were a selection of those featured at College Humour.com [1.29.04] i love playing make believe... i was just contemplaying a career in show business the other day... i'd like to get typecast as a scientist... as bad as my sciencing skills are, i could talk the jargon, and i think i could look damn good in a lab coat... y'know, with enough makeup and wardrobe people around... [1.25.04] It was a hectic week. I finally decided that I would run for VP operations for the SGPS Sunday night. Of course, it meant I had to get 30 nominations by Tuesday afternoon, which ended up quite the trying task as most days I'm stuck in the basement of the Dieu. But I managed, and by 6:00 on Tuesday I found out I had been acclaimed to said position since no one else had decided to run for it. That made me happy as it is a paid position and I've been living in the red for awhile. Wednesday night was a celebratory night of sorts. Went out to the Kids for Kids benefit concert at AJ's put on by the Queen's Student Auxillary Branch of KGH. I had a good time. Had a few libations, mingled with some breakdancers (who put on an entertaining show) and afterwards just hung out with this girl on the street for awhile. She had been out there since before the concert and was still there when we left. I'm sure she appreciated what change she did receive, but still, it must suck to sit out in the cold for hours on end with no company. And one thing that I've learned is that when you having nothing else to give, you can always still give your company. We chatted a little but mostly just sat in each other's company. I usually enjoy the small talk, but it was a damn cold night, and i think resources had been diverted from the part of my mind usually responsible for coming up with things to talk about. Went to the Iron Horse yesterday. My first visit there. There was a live band playing. Got there before cover. I'm not exactly a fan of country music, but I do enjoy going out and just patronizing different establishments. I did feel a little out of place, but had a good time nonetheless. One thing I did find odd though was the male:female ratio on the dance floor. I think at times there were probably like 20-25 women dancing without a single guy on the dance floor. I dunno, I guess the macho cowboy type's just aren't all about the dancing. Time to get back to work. Two journal presentations this coming week, and a discussant for another. I really hope I'm not forgetting anything else at this point. I think there's always time for one more diversion though. For now: anti-industry: a new music industry [1.13.04] If it's -30 outside (with or without windchill), i think pedestrians should just automatically get the right of way. [1.11.04] Something new for the day: (today, words)
eponym n.
[1.10.04] I've been keeping busy as of late. As a result, I haven't been doing as much web browsing as I have at other times. Now and then though, I find interesting sites linked on friends' webpages or forwarded to me, so i thought i'd share some of them here. Reith Lectures 2003: The Emerging Mind (forwarded by Ju-Lian) - The Reith lectures are given annualy by a leading figure to "advance public understanding and debate about significant issues of contemporary interest." This year's series of lectures were given by neuroscientist Vilayanur S. Ramachandran and covers such topics as "how neurological oddities [e.g. Capgras delusion, where one may believe their mother is an imposter when faced with her, or Cotard's syndrome, where one believes that they're dead) can help unravel the mysteries of consciousness and human nature", "how the brain creates and responds to art", and how neuroscience may now be beginning to provide some answers to traditonally philosophical questions such as What is free will? What is body image? What is the self? and Who am I? that was a really badly written sentence. Infiltration (came across on Mez's page [which is full of interesting links]) - is a magazine about urban exploration - "the exploration of buildings, tunnels, anything really -- for the sake of exploring it, to see what's there, how it works." The National Security Archive- an independent non-governmental research institute, library, and archive of declassified U.S. documents obtained through the Freedom of Information Act. Memoirs of Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds - "The object of the author in the following pages has been to collect the most remarkable instances of those moral epidemics which have been excited, sometimes by one cause and sometimes by another, and to show how easily the masses have been led astray, and how imitative and gregarious men are, even in their infatuations and crimes." (from the preface)
oi, enough of this now, back to me journal articles matey. [1.9.04] Today was a good day. Went to the Grad Club, My Bar and The Toucan. Not a terribly eventful night; the same as many other a weekending night. But enjoyable nonetheless. Hanging out at McDonalds gave me the munchies something fierce though. I had the hankering for a McChicken like I haven't had in quite a while. But I resisted temptation. If you're at the Grad Club enjoying some libations with a buddie or two, the Horn o' Mayhem is a platter plentiful in sustenance (mainly fried and battered). My Bar is one of my personal favourites just to chill at and knock back a few while enjoying a game, with their big screen t.v. and comfy couch. Of course, their close proximity to my abode doesn't hurt either. Nor does the foosball table (as can also be found at the Grad Club). And The Toucan... proud supporters of Guiness. I dunno, I like the place, but don't think I've experienced the full Toucan experience as of yet since it's closer the the lake (and thus much farther from my apartment) than many an other bar, so usually by the time I patronize said establishment, ... well, let's just say I'm not having my first drink of the night. I've come to appreciate the abundance of foosball tables to be found in Kingston, despite the fact that I've stil yet to find a Fa•bi (those who know 'know). I also recieved a rather humuorous crank call on my machine tonight. Apparently some woman had "the best 3 hours of her life" with me last night and was engaging in a lesbian orgy which she hoped I could give a hand with. *sigh* eh? heh. Yeah, too bad I was occupied watching The Ring on DVD again. It's an engaging film I guess. I dunno. I'm just one of those people who enjoys all movies. I figure if I'm going to do something (e.e. watching a movie) I might as well enjoy it. Not to say that there aren't bad movies, but my take on movies has always been that those which are bad are bad for one of two reasons - a bad plot or bad acting. If it's a bad plot then I just simply make up my own little story and imagine how the actors of the feature film would act it out. If it's bad acting, then i just imagine me and my friends acting it out. I have very talented friends. I might have mentioned this already. If I did, well, you can't blame someone for having a bad memory. Though, *maybe* you can blame them for causing their memory to falter. But then who's about casting blame? Oh, I also impaled some neurons and and attended my Phgy 822 (Cellular and molecular neuroscience) class today. Yep, it is Friday. [1.7.04] What the reflections I share lack most are details. There's a reason for this. Namely my dilapidated memory. Though there's a lot i do remember that I consciously omit. There's a lot I've done in my life that I haven't been all that proud of. I don't regret any of it... or do I... there may be one or two things i do regret. Actually there's one prominent regret that those who know me might know of. But even what's arisen out of that one decision can still be rectified. And as i seem to have this gift for seeing the good in all people, actions, and turns of fortune, i don't dwell on the bad too often except to consider how it comes to be. That is, why bad things happen, and why certain things are considered bad. Though while I can see the good in most (if not all) people/actions/etc. I still don't necessarily appreciate them. But I am tolerable of them. So what details do I leave out? Basically anything that I would want to keep from even one person. I've always been really cautious about what i divulge about my life. It's not that much of an issue anymore. I think i've settled down in my ways a tad. I'm not 18 anymore. Wow. That was only 5 years ago, yet, my, how life's changed. At least my life. Our supposedly most formative years are what? early childhood? or is that most impressionable? puberty? i dunno... i don't believe there is a common age which corresponds to the most formative years of everyones' lives. I believe in change. I believe everyone can change whenever they want to. And development is just a subjective directed change. Of course keeping in mind that merely saying or thinking that one is going to change is not the same as changing. What movie or book is it that says something along the lines of with every day (moment?) that passes is another chance to turn it all around? I'd like to believe that. So I do. I like to believe in things. Life would be dry without beliefs. Then again, I guess you can't believe in nothing. I mean believing that nothing is believable is itself a belief. A rather bleak belief. Beliefs drive the road of life. I wasn't trying to be esoteric. It's self-evident isn't it? What you believe in, believe to be worthwhile, right and good (or not-so-bad) continually dictates every decision you make. Including who/what you choose to believe. [1.6.04] Just thought I'd write a little something now since i have the time and really haven't written anything here in awhile. My Christmas break was rather uneventful. Really didn't do as much or see as many people as i had hoped. Though at least I did get to sleep and wake-up whenever I felt like it and managed to not give to many thoughts to school. I hung out with family for a couple of days in and around Markham, then pretty much just returned to my position on the couch in Scarboroughwonderland at... I guess a fitting description would be with my pseudo-surrogate family. I think I have a lot of pseudo-surrogates in my life. I don't ever actually think of one person replacing another in my life. I simply seek the company of varying individuals depending on my mood and thier availability. And I can be a moody one. I just like company. I'm one of those people who has a very difficult time being alone. I have a short attention span and just grow weary of my own company rather quickly. Seriously now, I've heard all my stories. I think I suffer most from a lack of motivation and inspiration - at least academically. I think this is where this begins to fall apart into random thoughts and contemplations. I didn't really drink too much this break. Which is probably a good thing. But still feels kind of odd. This growing up thing is so foreign to me... well, I guess that's a lie since I have been growing up for a good time now. Maturation though, that's a different story. I'm stupid... No, I'm sure there'd be some willing to argue against that (thx you guys)... but if nothing else, I'm a bad decision maker... no... well... I guess I can usually tell the difference between a good decision and a bad one, unfortunately, for I guess too long now I've been living for today instead of planning for tomorrow (yes, when I don't feel like finding the words I just drop in the occasional cliche [yes, i do realize i'm missing my accent ague, unfortunately alt+0233 doesn't display properly here.. meh])... you know when you begin to do something, or even before that, when you've just planned everything out, and you realize how bad an idea this whole plan is and the minute chance that you'd actually benefit with the execution of said plan, but you decide to go through with it anyways just for kicks. It's kinda sad, I'm not even talking about climbing lampposts or jumping off roofs here. I've done a lot of things just for kicks. I've decided i'm going to plan my own funeral for a number of reasons. I don't want anyone else to have to pay for my death. Plus I just want it to be a kick ass party - yes, open bar. I dunno, to me, funerals are the epilogues to our lives. Or maybe the eulogy is more so. Regardless, i see it as the opportunity for anyone who cares to celebrate a life lived. Life is tiring. Just in case you're silly and don't know me, don't worry, I haven't thought of planning my death (well, that's a lie, i've thought of it, but then again i think about a lot of things, idle thoughts are what I'm all about), but anyways, where's the fun in planning your death?... Rather uneventful day at work today. I made up my 4L of solution in the morning as usual only to find out that our guinea pigs don't come in til tomorrow. So it means I'll be dumping it all out of the volumetric flasks into much smaller beakers and readjusting pH values tomorrow morning. Ah well, it was nice to have a relaxing first day back. Yes, I do know how you love to hear every thrilling detail of my exciting life (who says you can't convey sarcasm in print?). Hey, I did go to that meds party before the break and had my night of debauchery the night before that. One man can only do so much. ... and this is where i go find something better to do... [1.1.04] Happy New Year! |
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