Hello, I'm Clarissa and I live in Kansas.
I found myself the primary caregiver to my precious mother for over 7 1/2 years until she recently passed away April 25, 2003.
For over seven years my primary focus was taking care of my mother with her failing health I and my (husband) had to provide her with 24 hour care over the last two years of her life. This of course pretty much put our life's on hold. I would like to thank my (husband) for standing by me, and for treating my mother as his own with much respect.
My mother had always been very independent and very strong-willed person who worked her entire life. She was never one who was sick, she worked three jobs for years taking care of people in her own home as a *Caregiver* and worked at the *Hospital on the psychiatric ward* as a nurses aide. Plus keeping house at home, cooking three meals a day and cleaning and canning. While she went to work at the hospital during evening shifts (my dad) was home to sit with the ladies she kept in her home.
By the time she retired in her 70's her health started going down hill. And by the time she moved in with I and my (husband) she was facing alot of different health problems. As things began getting harder with her failing health and forgetfulness, I found myself having to take on more responibility, such as filling out her monthly bills' every month. And taking her to the doctor's office sometimes every week for hours on end. Giving her, her daily medicine and sitting with her through frequent hospital stays. Mother suffered with reacurring bladder infections from a fallen-bladder and uterus keeping her skin infection within the bladder which was always present, from her bladder never emptying out. This also caused her to have kidney failure along with lack of bowel and bladder control, again from her fallen bladder and uterus.
She also suffered from verocle blood veins that caused her leg to become ulceratiated, along with swelling in the ankle and leg below the knee. She had clogged arterys in her neck, which caused several mini-strokes.
She suffered from chronic pulmonary fibrosis and chronic Bronchopulnomary disease. And atrial fibrillation and heart fibrillation which worsened if she got sick or had another infection on top of the infection she kept in her bladder at all times. She couldn't undergo surgery because of her heart and the fact she couldn't be put under with anicispic. She also had high blood pressure, and during the last three months of her life was also put on a breathing machine to help her breath.
I worried about doing my grocery shopping and getting out just once a month to pay bills' and etc; after my mother was not able to go with me.
It took everything she has over the last two years to just walk to the van without being out of breath and her legs giving out on her. Her body just had no going left in it. Mainly her constant bladder infection took its toll on her body, along with standing on her feet and working from sunup to sundown all her life every since she was around nine years of age.
Alot of the time my (husband) did most of the running around getting the groceries and etc. At other times for a short period of time I would have my mother lay down while I went to the store to get groceries. Of course I hurried as fast as I could so shw wouldn't be alone for very long. I was always constantly worring about her.
It's very strainful to be a caregiver and comes with alot of stress. But, I did the best I could with no outside help. I couldn't think of the thought of placing her in a nursing home. I just believe we owe our parents after they grow old, that's when they need us most.
But, what "I asked myself the most over the years was why siblings' refuse to deal with the needs of an aging parent"? That responsibility doesn't just rely on the one sibling if their is more than one in the family. Alot of times I felt isolated and depressed.
I have one older sister that lives in South, Carolina and six brothers with five of them that only live about 25 minutes away.
O' I know the stories you hear about why family couldn't stop by or call. The most famous one is they work and don't have the time. Well thats all good & said, but we all work no matter if its outside the home or in the home. People can certainly make the time for the things they want to do such as going out to eat and etc.
At the end of my mother's journey in life she became bed-fast and so I then and only then had to seek help for her care as I could no longer take care of her on my own since I had severe back problems with sciatic nerve damage from a prior back surgery. So when it came to lifting I knew I could no longer care for mother. I waited as long as I could feeling despair of having to seek a nursing home. I knew all to well about nursing homes and the lack of help most of them have and I knew all to well that mother never wanted to be confined to a facility. But, that day came I had to seek a nursing home for the remainder of my mother's life of 1 1/2 months.
I knew she didn't have long to live but, I couldn't get the doctor to tell me she was dieing so I could of had hospice called into my home. The problem was my mother's doctor moved away and I had to find her a new doctor and with all her health problems it is hard for another doctor to take over with so many problems he is confronted with in patients. The medicines they treated my mother with for her constant bladder infections had dwindled down to not being able to treat her as she had became amuned to them. And what she wasn't amuned to she was alligeric to. At the end their was only medicine through the Iv's that she could be treated with and by the time she would get home from the hospital stay she would be back in the hospital within a weeks time. All in all my mother lived in the nursing home I found for her for a short period of the month in a-half, before having another stroke that left her not being able to talk and then going into a semi-coma before passing away. If I had it to do over mother I would do it all again in a heart beat. I miss you so very much and will never forget our laughs and our Bible-Studies and all the times we had together.
All my love, your daughter. . . Clarissa H~
