| Chapter 2 Alexis slowly walked up the driveway to the gatehouse. She started to knock but couldn't, instead she sat down on the porch swing. She loved Ned and didn't know if she had the courage to do what she was about to do. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up, walking to door and was about to knock when Ned opened it. "Alexis!" Ned exclaimed, pulling her into a warm embrace. Surprised and panicked, Alexis tried to extricate herself from Ned. "Let Go!!" she yelled. It was Ned that was now surprised. "Alexis, honey what's wrong?" Ned asked, knowing that something was definitely wrong. He had never seen Alexis look so.... Ned couldn't even find the words to describe the look of fear shining in her eyes. Alexis closed her eyes and counted to ten, trying to calm down. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Ned or confuse him any more than she had to. "I'm sorry, Ned, you just surprised me. I wasn't expecting that kind of welcome," Alexis calmly replied. Ned was sure something else was bothering her but he let it go. "I'm sorry baby. I know you’re nervous about today." Alexis looked away from Ned, as he talked about their wedding and how everything was going to perfect. Even his family had promised to behave. Alexis felt tears forming in her eyes, knowing that if she didn't say what she had to say now, she wouldn't be able to say anything at all. "Ned....we need to talk!" Alexis said still not looking directly at him. "About what?" Ned asked, as a sinking feeling hit his empty stomach. "I..I...can't marry you today!" Alexis said softly. "What! But last night, you said you sure about us getting married!" Ned yelled, starting to pace the room, while Alexis’ eyes remained glued to the floor. She couldn't look at what she was doing to him. "I'm sorry Ned, but I'm not sure if marrying you is the right thing for me," Alexis explained. "What the hell happened to change your mind?" Ned asked as he moved toward her. Alexis quickly retreated. "Nothing happened Ned. I just decided that I don't want to your wife!" Alexis replied, more sure of herself because there was a part of her that did feel that way. "I don't believe you, Alexis, something more is going on here. You love me!" "Yes, I do love you Ned. I just can’t be your wife and I can’t be with you right now. I need some time alone to think. Please understand!" Alexis pleaded. "Understand? One minute you’re telling me that you love me and want to spent the rest of your life with me and the next minute you’re saying you don't want to be a wife or more specifically, you don’t want to be my wife and I'm supposed to understand? Well Alexis, I don't understand!!" Ned yelled angrily. "I'm sorry Ned. God I never meant to hurt you like this. I just can't be who you need me to be right now!" Alexis sobbed. "I just need you, Alexis. I love you. Please don't do this to us. We’ve been through so much to get here. You are my soul mate, we belong together. I know you feel it too," Ned said more calmly, trying to make her realize what she was throwing away. He was sure that he was right about their feelings for each other. Alexis did love Ned and he would forever hold a piece of her heart but her soul was trapped somewhere in past. She just wasn't sure if it was with Stavros or the two men that had awakened her worst nightmare. "I can't marry you Ned. I'm truly sorry." Alexis slipped off his engagement ring and ran out of the gatehouse. Alexis walked around for hours before returning home, where Jax was pacing the floor, worried to death about her. “Thank God you’re okay!" Jax cried in relief. "I'm not okay Jax. I broke up with Ned today," Alexis whispered, as new tears filled her eyes. "Aww Alexis, you didn't tell him did you?" Alexis shook her head. Jax opened his arms to her, letting her know that if she wanted or needed his touch, it was there but not forcing it on her. She fell into his arms and cried. Jax held her tight, trying to sooth some of her pain. Jax spend the night with Alexis, mostly talking. Jax shared several stories about his childhood and Alexis spoke of some of her happier memories of a mostly dark childhood. Three weeks later Alexis had spent the last few weeks working and spending time with Jax. She was sure she wouldn't have made it this far without his support and courage. There were rumors all over Port Charles about why her and Ned’s wedding had been postponed and Alexis had managed to steer clear of Ned and the Press, thanks to Jax. She wasn't ready to face him after causing him so much pain. Alexis’ thoughts of the past few weeks ended when the elevator doors opened. Alexis opened the front door of her penthouse. Jax was supposed to bring movies and popcorn over. "Jax, are you here?” Alexis called as she set down a brown paper bag on her desk. "Not Jax, just me." "Ned, how did...What are you doing here?" Alexis asked in total shock. "Is Jax the reason you wouldn't marry me Alexis?” Ned asked angrily. He had spent the past three weeks wishing and hoping that Alexis would come around and they would be married. "No Jax isn't the reason I wouldn't marry you," Alexis said quickly. "You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?” Ned accused, not believing Alexis at all. Alexis felt sick to her stomach. Sleeping with Jax or any man at the moment made her physically ill. "No I'm not sleeping with Jax! Not that it’s any of your business Ned!" Alexis’ face turned pale and she looked as if she might faint. Ned watched the color drain from Alexis’ face and thought it was because she was felling guilty about lying to him and not sickness. "At least you could have been honest with me. You could have told me that you didn't love me and you wanted to be with Jax. I really don't know you at all, do I? Maybe I never did," Ned said in the most hurt voice Alexis had ever heard. "Ned..." Alexis said, but it was too late, he had already walked out of the penthouse, slamming the door. Alexis fell on the couch and cried. Two hours later Alexis sat on her bed staring into space. Jax had arrived about 10 minutes after Ned had left and found Alexis crying. Once she had calmed down, she had retreated to her bedroom. Jax was worried and decided to go check on her. "Alexis, are you okay?" Jax asked from the doorway. Alexis looked at him. "No," she whispered. Her life was spinning out of control. Everything was changing and no matter how much she wanted to stop it all, she couldn't. Ned hated her and would probably never forgive her. Not that she deserved his forgiveness. "Want to talk about it?" Jax walked over to her bed. He had learned not to make any sudden movements or to touch her until she said that it was okay. He didn't want to frighten her anymore than she was. "I'm pregnant Jax!" Alexis exclaimed climbing off the bed. She started pacing around her bedroom. Jax didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say anymore than Alexis knew what to do. "God Jax, what am I going to do?" "What do you want to do?" "I want to die Jax...I can't do this. I thought things were getting better. I was feeling better about my life, thanks in a large part to you. But a baby! Jax I can't do this! Why is this happening to me? Wasn't the rape punishment enough for my sins? Or is God really that cruel to leave me with a permanent reminder of that night?" Alexis sobbed. "Shh Alexis, it’s going to okay. You’re going to make it through this. You are not going to let them win. I won't let you give up Alexis!" Jax said. Tears were in his eyes as well. "Jax...you can't fix this...or me! "No I can't but you can. You just have to have the courage to try," Jax pleaded. He had never seen Alexis so hopeless. She was scaring him. He couldn’t lose his best friend. |