If only I could get into that corner of your head
where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
oh how I wish I was the treasure that you were lookin' for
bet I would feel better if only I could find the door
Alexis had spent the last 48 hours holed up in her penthouse. She hadn't returned phone calls, are even answered her door, mainly out of fear that Sonny would be standing on the other side. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her, other than being madly in love.
I am cryin' you aren't tryin'
I am melting away
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one well you decide
and I abide as my song goes unsung (yeah, yeah, yeah)
She knew that she loved Sonny long before they had made love. But she had not been prepared for the overwhelming effects it would have on her. Every time she closed her eyes, memories of their lovemaking over flooded her senses, leaving her weak and longing for more. ”I want and need you Alexis” His words had echoed in her mind constantly. She shook her head.” Damn you Corinthos!” She screamed, throwing the contracts she had been trying to work on across the room, then hid her face in the warmth of her hands.
“What hell did he do this time?” Jax asked from the doorway.
A surprised yelp escaped her she jumped at the sound of his voice. ”Jax!” she said, coming off the couch in such a hurry that the rest of her papers in her lap fell to the floor.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” he explained, picking up the papers she had dropped.
Alexis looked at him suspiciously. “ How did you get in here? I know that the door was locked,” she said, her eyes narrowed.
He looked at her sheepishly, he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away in guilt.
“Jax!” Alexis pressed.
“Kristina is worried about you. So am I.”
“I don't believe this.” She was now furious with her sister.
“Alexis, She loves you, and wants to make sure you're ok,” he said, taking her hand. “So do I,” he added.
“She gave you her key, didn't she?” Alexis asked, but she already knew that Kristina had. She truly didn't know when to mind her own business, Alexis thought.
“Yep, like I said. She is really worried about you,” Jax said, making himself comfortable on the couch.
Alexis knew that Jax wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. And maybe that was just what she needed, her best friend. She had missed him a lot lately. “I'm alright Jax,” she whispered, joining him on the couch.
“No, you're not,” Jax said, shifting positions so that they were now face to face. “Talk to me Alexis.”
“I'm ok,” she lied.
“Let me help you. I don't like seeing my favorite ex-wife so unhappy,” Jax reminded her.
“I'm your only ex-wife,” Alexis laughed.
“No, you're not. Miranda is also my ex,” Jax said, as if that particular fact had just dawned on him that Alexis wasn't his only ex-wife.
“Oh,” she whispered.
“You're still my favorite though,” he added with bright smile.
She returned his smile. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For making me smile,” she explained.
“Always,” he promised, touching her chin.
They fell into a comfortable silence, neither of them was sure how much time had passed. “I'm afraid, Jax,” she said it so softly, she wasn't sure that he had even heard her.
“Of Sonny?”
“Yes, No. . I don't know,” Alexis sighed in frustration.
Things are goin' crazy and I'm not sure who to blame everything is changing
and I do not feel the same I'm slippin' through the cracks of floors
I thought that were strong I'm tryin' to find a place where I can feel like
I belong
“You're in love with him, aren't you?” Jax asked, but he knew that she was.
“Yes.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“And he loves you too?” Jax guessed.
“I don't know, Jax, I mean his ex-wife just died in accident, in a way Sonny and I were responsible,” she said her voice laced with shame.
“What, I don't understand. How is Carly's death your fault?”
Alexis couldn't meet Jax’ eyes she didn't want to see the disappointment that she knew would be there once he learned the truth. “Carly walked in on Sonny and me in bed together.”
“Oh,” Jax whispered, now understanding Alexis behavior for the last couple of weeks. “Alexis, you were not responsible for Carly recklessness. It was an accident!” Jax said sincerely.
“Carly drove off the cliff, because she was upset about Sonny and me...She had just learned how to drive, Jax,” Alexis said.
“It's still not your fault that she is dead. She and Sonny were divorced. He was free to be with you or any other woman he chose to,” Jax said.
Alexis laughed. “You do realize that you just took up for Sonny?”
Jax laughed as well. “Well in this case, you and Sonny have done nothing wrong. He and Carly have been over for a while.”
“I know all of this Jax, but Carly and Sonny still loved each other and there were a lot of unsolved issues between them,” Alexis reasoned.
Jax raised his brow. “ I suppose that is true I know that Carly still wanted Sonny back.”
“And he still wanted her too, I believe,” Alexis explained sadly.
“Did he admit it?” Jax asked.
“No, but I know that Sonny loved Carly and he has regrets. He doesn't have to tell me that. I saw it in his eyes, when he finally accepted that she was gone.”
“What do you want from Sonny exactly?” Jax asked.
Alexis had been pondering that very question and still had no idea how to express her feelings. “I'm not sure.”
“I think you are,” Jax said, pressing the issue.
She cocked her head sideway, giving him a very amused look. “Ok, who are you, what have you done to real Jasper Jacks? Since when you become such a Sonny fan? “ Her voice was light with humor.
”Ha-ha!” he said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “This isn't about Sonny.”
“Really?” Alexis replied, her eyes finding his twinkling baby blues.
“Really,” he said, tugging a piece hair behind her ear. “Everything I said, I meant but it wasn't for Sonny's benefit -- it was for yours.”
“I don't understand.”
“I haven't been much of friend lately,” Jax admitted in shame.
“So you decided to come sing Sonny's praises?” Alexis laughed.
He shook his head. “No, but I feel like I fail you somehow,” Jax admitted.
“You have done no such thing, Jax!” Alexis said truly shocked by the sadness she heard in his voice.
“Let me explain,” Jax pleaded, touching her chin softly. “I have been so caught up in my own life lately. I haven't been here for you.”
“Jax you're allowed to have a life. And I'm happy for you. Skye makes you happy, right?” Alexis asked, still not understanding how Jax could fall for someone like Skye Quartemaine, but who was she to pass judgment. She was in love with town Mobster, after all.
Jax sensed her thoughts. “When it comes to love Alexis, we don't get to pick and choose who we fall in love with. . . It just happens. . . Listen to your heart and just follow it,” Jax said, placing a friendly kiss on her cheek.
She nodded weakly, “Goodnight Jax.”
“Night.”
“Jax.” She called his name, before he could close the door.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime.” He whispered, closing the door behind him.
Alexis looked around room, feeling better that she had a couple of hours ago. Jax was right, she realized that when it came to love it just happened and it wasn't a choice that your head could make. . . it was all up to one’s hearts. And hers was longing for Sonny. A knock at the door shattered her thoughts.
“Sonny!” she yelped.
“Expecting someone else . . . like maybe candy boy?” Sonny said, furious with her. He had spent the last 48 hours in pure hell. And instead of coming to him, she had found comfort in Jax!
Alexis’ eyes narrowed at him. He was jealous maybe she had been wrong, maybe he did love her after all? “What, I'm not allow to have visitors in my own home?” she questioned, annoyed with his attitude.
“At 2 a.m.? And with Jax of all people . . . What did he want?” Sonny said,walking passed her and into her penthouse.
Alexis slammed the door, her anger rising at his nerve. “None of your damn business!”
“Excuse me?” Sonny asked.
“You heard me. What went on between Jax and I. Is our business, not yours!”she said furiously.
Sonny felt like he had been kicked in the gut. Didn't she know how much he loved and needed her? He had missed her so much the last couple days he thought he was doing the right thing by abiding by her wishes and giving her space. “You and Jax have business now?” he choked.
Alexis’ anger faltered slightly at the amount of pain she heard in his voice. This wasn't supposed to be happening. She was supposed to be telling him how she felt. “ Sonny...” she tried.
“Spare me the details,” Sonny said, heading for the door.
“Details? Do you honestly believe that Jax and I were making love?” Alexis asked, her voice full of anger and hurt.
“Well, weren't you?” Sonny asked, just as hurt.
“You bastard!” she hissed. “Get out!”
“Fine! I hope you and Candy boy are happy . . . NOT!” Sonny yelled, slamming the door behind him.
She heard him yelling at Johnny to mind his own damn business in the future, from this day forward. He didn't give a damn who came and went across the hall.
Well, I am cryin'
you aren't tryin'
I am melting away
Alexis slid down the door as her body shook with emotions. Tears streamed down her face. “I hate you, Sonny!” she sobbed.
If only I could get into that corner of your head
where things finally match and meet the standards
that you set oh how I wish I was the treasure that you were lookin'for
bet I would feel better if only I could find the door
Song used is Vanessa Carlton - Unsung