Chapter 19
She sat, staring at the phone. All day at work she'd thought about this call, what would she say? It was almost like redemption, she could do it, she could. Biting her lip, she pressed the button and dialed the number.
"Hello?"
"Hey girl."
"Illana, what's up?"
It was stupid really, the guilt had set in about thirty seconds after Nick left last night and was still there now, at seven o'clock the next evening. She really didn't have anything to feel guilty about, but for some reason she couldn't stop the feeling. She'd headed to bed with thoughts swirling in her head and the feel of Nick's lips still lingering on hers. Some part of her told her that it had all been a mistake, that it'd been so wrong. The feelings and the sensations he'd caused told another story.
"Oh nothing, just thought I'd call and see how you were and all."
"I'm fine. Does this worry have to do with yesterday?"
How could she answer that? Any number of ways. She decided to play it safe. "No, just wanted to talk with you." Vanessa was quiet for a moment.
"Let's go out, to 'Tahoe's' for a drink."
"Uh, ok. Anything in particular you wanted to talk about that we couldn't do on the phone?"
Had she found out? No, Nick wouldn't tell her...would he?
"No, just wanted to get a drink. I'll meet you there in a few." With that she hung up. ************************************************************************
She pulled into the parking lot and sat. Vanessa sure did seem anxious to talk, what was going on? She got out of her car and went inside. After a quick scan, she made her way over to the bar next to Vanessa.
"Hey."
"There you are." Vanessa smiled, turning and looking at her.
"Yeah." She flagged the bartender down and ordered a drink. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"Whatever, I just had to get out my house, it was driving me crazy."
"Oh." She didn't know what she'd expected her to say, but she felt somewhat disappointed.
"So what have you been up to lately Illana? Anything exciting?"
"No, not really. Same ole shit and whatever."
"Mmm, and how's work going?"
"It's going. Nothing new there." She stopped, drink halfway to her mouth and looked at Vanessa who was looking nervously at her. "What?"
"Nothing."
"You're a shitty liar. Come on Vanessa, I know that look. What is it? What do you want to know?"
Vanessa started at her for a second and then down at her glass. She was debating something, that much was obvious. "Did, did um..."
"What?"
"Did Nick ask about me yesterday after I left?"
Illana stared at her, so that was it. "Vanessa, would it matter either way?"
"Shit I dunno! I was just wondering. It'd been so long since we've seen each other and I was just wondering if...whatever, it doesn't really matter."
"So how have you been since the break up?"
"I'm doing better, it really was for the best. I've been out more, able to talk to whomever I wanted."
"You're saying Nick kept you from people?"
"No, I just don't feel so tied down. Shit, this is one of the best things to happen to me." She went on.
"Wow, I didn't know being in a relationship made you feel tied down."
"Well you know what I mean. It's just Nick, I mean Nick was smothering. I was the only person in that relationship that knew boundaries, knew how to say no. I wouldn't be surprised if he was miserable without me." Vanessa chuckled.
She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. How could she be so damn arrogant about this? Boundaries? She wouldn't even let him hold her hand! That wasn't a boundary, that was a fuckin' wall! How could she not care about what she was putting him through? Illana put her glass down and turned to look at her.
"What?"
"I swear Vanessa, you fuckin' amaze me." She slid off the stool and headed out the bar She had to get away from her, she walked quickly over to her car and got in. She had to do something, she couldn't let things go on like this, and what her and Nick were doing was wrong. It was, and she'd put an end to it now.
