Chapter 48
He sat next to Vanessa and listened as the counselor told her to be more open with her feelings, with her emotions. He tried to think back on to how he got to his current position. What a long crazy ride it'd been. He could remember when the whole thing started, how Vanessa had brushed him off, stopped caring. He'd been at the end of his rope, and she gave up on the relationship and he couldn't stop her.
At the time it'd been too much for him to handle, he hadn't wanted to end it. He was sure he wouldn't be able to make it through, that he wouldn't be able to wait.
Then Illana came along and changed everything. He was barely aware of what the counselor or Vanessa was saying, he was too caught up in his thoughts.
Illana had come along, she cared and she listened. She cheered him up and helped him to get through it. She'd fought for him and even risked loosing a friend, for him. Well it hadn't totally been for him, he wasn't conceited to think that it was only about him. He knew she'd been hurt too and did just as much for herself as she did for him. She wasn't selfish, she gave and she sacrificed for him, something that Vanessa wasn't and couldn't do at the time.
And he let her go, he let her walk away from him. He knew he couldn't pretend any longer. He knew now that he was no longer in love with Vanessa. Sure he loved her, but it wasn't the same kind of love that it was in the beginning. He loved Illana; he was in love with her and wanted no one else. He bit at his nails. How did he tell Vanessa that? He hated the lying but he didn't want to hurt her either. This was going to be rough. ************************************************************************
After the session, they headed back to Vanessa's.
"So what did you think Nick?"
"It's cool. I know you've only been to a few sessions but, do you think you've improved any?"
"I don't know, it's too soon to tell I think. I feel better now that I'm talking to someone, getting some things off my chest you know. It's good for me."
"Yeah it is. I'm glad that you're doing it Vanessa, I mean that really. I'm glad that you're trying to change things."
She smiled, but then it faded. "Nick, is everything ok?"
He looked at her. "Yeah, why?"
"I don't know, you seem different lately. What's going on?"
"Nothing."
She sighed heavily. "I'm not blind Nick. We've dated for over two years, and despite the fact that for the last part I haven't been all there, I do know when something's going on with you. I just wish you'd tell me."
He sighed. He didn't know how to tell her that he'd fallen in love with her best friend while she was trying to figure herself out.
"Nick..."
He looked at her.
"Is it...Illana?"
"Vanessa..."
She shook her head and sighed. "This is my fault really. When invited the two of you over that day, I noticed that you guys were acting different then the way you used to. Then when we went out and yesterday evening too, the looks you kept giving each other. I know those looks."
He didn't know what to say, he just looked at her.
"You're in love with her aren't you?" She whispered, the tears spilling down her cheeks.
He ran his hands through his hair; he didn't want it to be like this.
"I held back so much and when I pushed you two away, you found each other."
"Vanessa, I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. Illana is everything that I'm not. She was there when you needed her; she's caring and sweet. She's everything that you deserve. But why, when I asked you to get back together with me if you loved her, why did you say yes?"
He sighed. "Well when you asked me I wasn't sure what I was going to say. But then Illana left and I went after her and she thought I should give it a try, to find out how I felt about you. That we should give it another chance."
"You knew then that it wasn't going to work, you knew and you still tried. And Illana, she loves you and yet...yet she sacrificed how she was feeling and actually wanted us to get back together." Vanessa murmured.
"Yeah, she did."
"She's amazing."
Nick smiled. "I know."
"You have to go to her."
He looked at her shocked. "What?"
"You heard me. You have to be with her Nick. You two belong together. I know you're both hurting, so why not stop the hurt then?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She was letting him go.
"But Vanessa..."
She pressed a finger to his lips. "She warned me, she warned me that if I wasn't careful I'd loose you and I did. She was the someone else, the someone else who'd sacrifice and give of herself and love you the way you should. She was right." She wiped at her eyes.
He looked at her helplessly and she smiled through her tears.
"You've waited long enough Nick. Go be happy for once. Let me do this one thing to make you happy."
He simply stared at her, slowly leaning in to kiss her gently. "Thank you." He whispered, pulling away and wiping a stray tear away.
"Now go get your woman!" Vanessa smiled, sniffling.
He smiled and got up, quickly leaving.
She watched as he left, a content smile falling over her lips. Maybe she was getting better.
