Blonde Jokes
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Here are some great blonde jokes:
Armageddon 1. “Put a sock in it ! If you can’t produce light, shut your mouth!” (P. 14) Continuing from book 10, the 16th judgment has been poured upon the Earth. Rayford lands in New Babylon (formerly Iraq), where the unbelievers have been inflicted with a plague of darkness. Those that believe in Christ are able to see as clear as day. The Darkness has immobilize the world to the point of starvation. Many cry to God, but the pain won’t be lifted because they received the mark of the beast. 2. “We Don’t Do luck.” (P. 52) Nearly seven years ago, when “the end” began, the Tribulation Force (TB) started to trust God, and believed nothing was based on luck. Every action is because God allowed it to happen. It later became the TB Motto. 3. “I am here, within arm’s length of you! Kill me for daring to speak my mind, or reveal yourself as a coward!” (P. 54) World Leader, Nicolae Carpathia, seems to be losing his cabinet’s faith as savior to them. The agony of the 13th, 14th, and 16th judgment has frustrated many to become insubordinate to one world leader. They rather face execution than live in pain. Carpathia is provoked, and kills the insubordinate. 4. “Williams, his wife, and her father are international fugitives in exile, wanted for more than three dozen murders around the word.” (P. 112) Carpathia’s Chief of Security tell lies to GCNN (Global Community News Network) about the leaders of the TB. Though they have killed a few people, they’re actions were justified in God’s eyes. These lies counts them as murderers, terrorist, and conbartist. The Global community has Chloe Steele in custody in a San Diego. 5. Here we are, a year to go till the end of history and I be shot in my cell for not bearing the mark. (P. 132) Chloe Steele is thinking to herself about her decision not to bear the mark of the beast as she sits in her jail cell. Receiving the mark would invalidate her salvation with Christ. She had been arrested and question for information of the believers. Her faith is declining as each hour goes by, with no food. 6. The Da Vinci Code 1. “Actually, Da Vinci was in tune with the balance between male and female. He believe that the human soul could not be enlightened unless it had both male and female elements.” (pg. 120) The main character, Robert Langdon, explains to his class that historians have evidence that Leonardo Da Vinci was a feminist and disapproved greatly with the Christian Church of Male dominance during the middle ages. 2. “The Priory believes that Constantine and his male successors successfully converted the world from matriarchal paganism to Patriarchal Christianity by waging a campaign of propaganda that demonized the sacred feminine, obliterating the goddess from modern religion forever” (Pg. 124) Robert Langdon explains the secret war between the secret society, Priory of Sion and Opus Dei, a prelature of the Catholic church, over what the world should know about the true nature of the Christian Church. 3. “The Priory was founded in Jerusalem in 1099 by the French king named Godefroi De Bouillon, Immediately after he had conquered the city…. King Godefroi was allegedly the possessor of a powerful secret, a secret that has been in his family since the time of Christ.” (Pg. 157) Robert explains to Sophia about the history of the Priory, which her grandfather was grand master of. His murder is what started Roberts adventure. 4. “Unfortunately for early editors of the gospel, one particularly troubling earthly theme kept recurring in the gospels, Mary Magdalene…. More specifically her marriage to Jesus Christ” (Pg. 244) A friend of Robert explains the world’s speculation about Jesus Christ true nature as he really lived. If this information ever was excepted in the church, the church would crumble and People’s faith would turn into chaos. 5. “According to these unaltered gospels, it was not Peter to whom Christ gave directions with which to establish the Christian Church. It was Mary Magdalene.” (Pg. 248) Many gospels that were uncovered in recent centuries show that the true person holding the keys to heaven was Mary, but many of Jesus’ male followers refuse to be at foot of a women. The men threaten and even exterminated the role of women in the church. 6. “ Behold the Greatest cover up in human history. Not only was Jesus Christ Married, but he was a father. My Dear, Mary Magdalene was the holy vessel. She was the chalice that carried the bloodline of Jesus Christ.” (Pg. 249) Teinabing, Robert friend, explains that their in fact lives a living bloodline of the “Son of God.’’ The Priory keeps and protects the bloodline in a safe location. 7. “The Sangreal documents simply tell the other side of the Jesus Christ story. In the end, which side of the story you choose to believe becomes a matter of faith and personal exploration.” (Pg. 256) The information about the marriage and fatherhood of Jesus Christ is a story that is no less creditable than the bible. What you want to believe if up to you, but at least know all the facts. 8. “ Walt Disney loved infusing hidden messages and symbolism in his art.” (Pg. 261) 9. “In terms of prophecy, we are currently in an epoch of enormous change. The millennium has recently passed, and with it the end of the two-thousand year era of Pisces -the fish, which is also the sign of Jesus.” (pg. 267) 10. Opus Dei came within inches tonight of possessing it. You understand, I hope, that this put you in a position of exceptional responsibility. You have been handed a torch. A Two thousand year old flame that can not go out. (Pg. 294) 11. “Our ancient heritage… tell us that sex is natural, but yet modern religion decries it as shameful, teaching us to fear our sexual desires as the hand of the devil.” (Pg. 310) 12. Religious allegory has become part of the fabric of reality. And living in that reality helps millions of people cope and become better people.” (Pg. 342) 13. 14. 15.
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