Every day with you,
In summer and in winter,
We shall be together with you,
Always.
Fascinated, he was looking at her. The girl was sitting next to him, her hair laying freely on her shoulders, elegant rosy pull-over and white jeans were emphasizing her thin waist and long beautiful legs. She looked at him and their glances crossed ? some moments they were looking at each other?s eyes trying to find the answer to the most important question. Suddenly a slight smile touched her lips, and his glance slipped down to her tender pink lips. The young man leaned his head and their lips met. First it was just a mild touch, then he gathered all his courage and his tongue slid inside. Glad, astonished, he felt that she is answering him. ?My love?, - he whispered. He began playing with her hair ? took a curl and put it around his finger. He felt the unbearable desire to touch her; his fingers caressed her cheek, ran down to the neck?The girl was sitting still but in a moment he felt her hand back at his head, her fingers slipping into his hair. While he was hesitating if he should continue further, the girl put her hand under his shirt.
It was their first night. The night when the caressing unite a couple more strongly then words do.
* * *
?She is beautiful, my love?, - he thought and ?woke up. ?My love?, - he repeated, as if tasting the words, words with a real sense; that he never told to someone yet. The young man sat on his bed. It was early morning. He looked in the window ? it was raining outside, rain, grey day. His thoughts came back to his dream; he could not throw that girl away from his head. As it was rather early and he has no work that day, he decided to read hoping that a good book will make him forget the romantic stuff and will give him his normal mood. But after he read five times the same sentence without even trying to catch the sense, he closed the book and came up to the window. Rain. The little grey drops were pouring on the glass of window making it wet and dirty. Deep in thoughts, sad, he was looking at the people who were in a hurry to their work. Grey people under grey umbrellas. ?Probably, she does not love me, - he thought. ? Probably, it is a crazy idea to call her speaking about love. Probably??
Suddenly, he noticed a big orange umbrella. Little sun among the greyness. He tensed his eyes trying to see the people under it. To his surprise, it was a boy and a girl and they were kissing. Without paying any attention to people around. His first thought immediately was ? they have no shame, where is their moral to do so in public. But then his inner voice was repeating and repeating ? but look, they are happy. They do not hesitate to do things they like. Is it a big fault to be glad among irritated grey people? And do you really want to follow the ?right? things and to be grey?
The boy sighed. For sure, he did not want to be too grey and to do too right things. His glance was staying at the rain drops falling down. He was thinking and thinking ? taking some decisions and canceling some of them. The he turned and came up to his table. He took his telephone at hands, found the number of which he was thinking and dialed it. The only thing left to do was to press ok for a call.
Winter, 2005
Copyright © 2006 Victoria Z All rights are reserved.
It was raining. Or snowing? In such time of the year the wet snow was popular. The telephone rang and she took the receiver.
- Hello?Julie would recognize that voice from a thousand of similar ones.
- Hello, ? she replied without pretending that she did not recognize him.
The man was in silence for same seconds as it pulling himself together to say something important for her.
Julie was patiently waiting, listening to his breath in the receiver.
- I left her. ? Edward said after a pause. ? Can I spend this night at you? I mean? I can?t look for a hotel now.
- Ok and where are you now?
- Near your house.
He was so sure that she would not refuse? Or not so sure? He did not ring at the door, so he still had some doubts.
It was enough of time to change a pullover to the better one and had a last look in the mirrow. Julie was in thoughts. She tried to listen to her feelings. Was she glad to see him? Kind of but what was the real reason? Love? Proud of herself that he called her in that situation? Glad that she would not be alone that night? Her parents went to they collage to solve some things and she never liked too much too be alone.
Some years ago it was a love story and they both still had an impression that the strong feeling did not disappear completely. They parted and he married another woman. The story which is the same as many others stories like that. But why did he do it, even himself could not tell. He was afraid to have an equal independent partner. With his wife he could allow to be himself ? sometimes rude, paying no attention to polite manners, sometimes pretending that he was still a child provoking his wife to take care of him ? cook, wash, clean ? all instead of him. He could say whatever he wanted and behaved like he wanted ? without paying attention to his wife. She would excuse him everything, only sometimes she was saying rude impolite things to him but he paid no attention to it, if a person does not love his partner, he does not care much about what she says.
If he lived with Julie, he could not stay himself and had to think hard before telling something rude to her. He would have to control himself always. Besides, he would have to do a half of the domestic work and be fair to her. At the time when he married he thought that it was too big price for his feelings. Only with time it occurred to him that if he suppressed the bad sides of his personality, and stayed with someone like Julie, he could be a different person now.
Julie showed him the room and proposed him tea. He agreed and Julie went to the kitchen.
In the while Edward had a look around. It was some years ago that he was in her flat. They made the reparation and the flat was in the style of modern and minimalism. His eyes noticed a battery which was empty, for no reason, he remembered the batteries in his flat, always full of wet child clothes drying there, from what the air in the flat was always unpleasantly damp.
Julie called him to the kitchen. The tea was ready. She sat in front of him and put a cup closer to him, also she proposed him some sweets. ? I remember you like them. ? She smiled. ? Maybe, they would help you to calm down.
Being in thoughts he was enjoying his tea and sweets. Julie did not ask anything, just was looking at him trying see the changes which years caused to him. Definitely, he looked much older, his hair did not seem soft silk any more, his cheeks became much bigger as he got fatter. His bad manners, the humiliation which used both his wife and himself towards each other, the lack of agreement and satisfaction within his family - all that was shown on his face as an impression. But some years ago she was loving him. Or loved her own imagination about him?
- I can?t stay with her any more. ? Ed said. She irritates me, gets on my nerves. I was trying to avoid it, spending much time on work, with friends, on trips..
- But Ed. ? Julie said. ? And the child?
- The child. ? He gave a bitter smile. ? She does not care about me. As well as I do not care for her. No, no, I shall give her money, but? any time I wanted to play with her, he ended in hitting me. She is never kind or tender to me. She is like her mother, even look more like her. Julie was listening.
- And what are you going to do now?
- Will find a flat for me or for them. Would stay some days in the hotel. Then I do not know. I wonted to do that many years ago. But was restraining myself. But some days ago I had to go for a very good trip, I wanted always to go to that country. So did she. When she found out, she wanted to go with me, but that would spoil me the whole trip. Then she made a scandal. Told that I do not give any attention to her, and to the child.
Ed gave a sound that there were many things like that. After he said:
- As if she cared for a child. A babysitter does everything, I hired it. But the child is so stupid that still does not speak. Or the babysitter does not learn her. I never controlled her, my ex-wife had to do it. But as the babysitter helped her around the house she said that she suited her.
Julie was looking at him. ?If those people found different partners many years ago, probably they would be happy. And now they made each other suffer from themselves, from the lack of love, and the child sees that?. ? Julie thoughts. She let him go info the room and washed the cups. Her love disappeared. She saw a miserable man full of problems that he caused to himself. She entered the room to see if he felt comfortable. Ed was sitting on a bad, half-naked. She had a look at him and got disgusted from the view that would made her glad some years ago.
- Thanks that you let me stay, Julie. ? Ed said. ? You know, I always felt love to you even when we parted, I just? do not know.
Ed stood up and came closer to her. He leaned his head to kiss Julie and put this hand on her back.
- Julie, - he whispered.
She looked in his eyes and said.
- You?d better sleep, Ed. No, I shall not change my mind. His hand slipped and hang along his body.
Julie closed the door and went to her bedroom. She was thinking, and thinking feeling his presence in the next room. Then she stood up and silently went to the telephone. She dialed the number and after her loved boy-friend, almost fianc?, took the receiver, she told:
- Dear Fran, we would marry, wouldn?t we?
Winter, 2006