Personal Testimony
	What exactly would any page be w/out a testimony of God's amazing grace on my life. It was June 2nd, 1979, I was born in some hospital in Vancouver, BC. I think, I THINK, I had a happy childhood. A few bugs, but who doesn't have bugs in life? (I do remember on my 7th birthday no one showed up... only 2 of my cousins and one friend, very depressing, but I got a bike so that made it all better).  Hmm, elementary school years... nothin much. Had my time of rebellion in grade 6, y'know, smoking,  cussing and wearing tight clothes, the works, what can I say? Grade 7 came and all of a sudden all those friends of former year are gone. I have no one, I am alone, I am introverted. But what can I expect but that. Teasing from the boys in class started bcoz I had gained weight and I was a loner. But then again, they bugged everyone. Middle of the year, lonely, depressed, I was invited to attend this service, a Youth Church Service. The first thoughts that entered my mind was this: I could find someone who might want to be MY friend.  When I got there, what do you know? I was right. They treated me the way I had never been treated, and they told me about this God, this Jesus, whom I had known, but never REALLY known. It was amazing to me. I was happy. I spent many of my teenage years trying to fit in w/ my views. I became satisfied with myself, lost in my own apathy. I realize that later. Then the night came when everything in my life changed. "God's Rock", a youth service in my church, it happened, my spiritual life began. The service was usual, Singing worship songs, sermon by the youth pastor, alter call, sing some more while we pray. After I had felt I prayed enough for God, I decided to go home, coz hey, there was a show I wanted to watch on tv, I had to hurry. I walked out the door and down the stairs, & I hear someone call my name. It is Dan Richardson. He  says, "Vicky, can I talk to you for minute?" and I nod my head, startled. This doesn't happen very often. We walk back in the sanctuary. "Vicky, I have felt in my heart that God wanted for me to talk w/ you tonite. He knows that you are far from him. He wants you back, he wants you to have that passion you first came with."  I was overwhelmed. I didn't know. I'd been so stuck in my satisfaction with myself, thinking everything was alright with God. But it wasn't! This was my eye opener! I was stunned when I walked home that evening, bcoz I knew that everything was as it should be. This WAS supposed to happen. The next week I fear it will happen again. A girl, Crystal, a couple years younger than me, says to the audience, "There is one here who needs to make things right with God, you know who you are, I know who you are, come to the front, this is what he desires." I think to myself, "Oh my goodness, she is totally talking about me." My fear stops me from going, heading her call.  Another in the group confesses, it is he who she is talking about. Relief overwhelms me. "She was talking about him, not me." I walk out of the church doors wondering if it will happen again,, and sure enough it does. Crystal walks out the  doors to me and replies w/ the ever popular words, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I nod and follow her.  "It was  you I was talking about," and she attempts to pray and talk w/ me, but we are strangers to one another, so it doesn't go that well. Emily, my friend, comes. She prays with me, while I cry. TWO times, that means something! I walk home stunned again.  I know things have to be made right. I want to know God again! 6 months I search for him. Crying, praying, thinking. I don't know how to do this. I search some more.  There is another God's rock service in May, right after this convention the youthgroup attended. They are all pumped. I go, and I watch. After the service ends, people are sitting on the floor, talking with one another. I turn to Emily, and say "I know  why I am like this, I  know where the anger comes from. It is Jealousy. I want everything that everyone else has, no matter what it is." What a realization!  It opened doors, brought down a wall.  We go over to another part of the sanctuary and pray together, and the most amazing thing happens. While we are praying,  I feel the anger, the jealousy slide out of my body, and go  out my toes... All the pain I held onto. It left me for that brief moment in time. It was totally God! I was amazed at what God was showing me. Simple, yet astounding. It's my gr. 12 year, I have to find a path to the rest of my life.  I have always heard of this school "Western Pentecostal Bible College." I've always been interested. Why not apply? If i get in, it will be God's way of telling me that this is where I should be. I apply, and oddly enough, I get in!  Throws me over for a loop. I hadn't really thought of myself as being a Bible College student. Nervousness creeps in. I pray for God to change me, to mold me. Make this year like nothing before had been.  Emily and I decide to room together, for me it was out of fear. I wanted a friend to be with me. I fear all of what God was about to do. I knew it would  be amazing... but change never comes easy. September: I arrive. I am scared. I go to classes, gripped w/ fear. I feel alone. 2 days later, I make a friend. It's ok again. On the third week of school there is a retreat at Hope, the OMEGA's go caving. The service that night, it is another beginning for me. Bill, the OMEGA director, tells us this is the beginning of the rest of our lives. This is the day we say to God, for real now, change us! There's a bowl of water at the front, and we each go up and we lift the water, and let it go, as a sign that we are letting go of everything we held onto, pain, heartache, past, sin. This was the first step to moving forward towards God. MERGE: the next step. Joyce is the speaker. She speaks of holiness, of going farther, of not being satisfied, hungering for more of him, and less of us. God used her in a mighty way that weekend to change me. A poem by Carissa Hood explains all of what was going on inside of me. You can find it w/in these pages. Emotions run rampant, bcoz of things I create during my year. There were times that I wanted to quit, times I wanted so badly to give up, but God said to me thru Bill & Nancy & Jaret & Candice & Carissa, etc... not to give up the newfound hope I held in God. In OMEGA challenge there is a 3 week overseas missions trip. There are 5 teams. 2 would go to China, Hong Kong, and Macau, and the other 3 teams to Thailand. I was on a team that went to Thailand. As it approached, just like every other major thing in my life, I approach it w/ fear. "I'm not ready for that, spiritually, mentally, physically. Everything, I am not ready to do this!" I exclaim. I make plans to tell everyone I can't go. I remember sitting in the Academic Building, thinking of how I was going to tell Bill. I see he is leaving. I sit there and I don't say anything. "How you doing Vicky?" he says as he walks out the doors to go home. He looks at me and he sees all of my emotions written on my face. "I can't go, I'm not ready," I say to him. I start to cry. Telling him my fear of flying, my fear of how much I'll screw up over there. How I'm not ready in any way. "You know what? you are ready, coz God is behind this, even in your weakness, HE IS STRONG." He doesn't say it in those exact words, but I feel them. I know that's what he means. God doesn't want me to worry. I still fear. I tell all my friends that I don't want to go. I am adamant about it. But I stumble onto this verse one night. 1Corinthians 12:9,10 "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness," "For when I am weak, then I am strong!"... and I got it! Even though I am weak, God is strong. "God does not call the equipped, he equips the called." It would all be ok, even though I was weak. So, with everyone's prayers and support I go. To Thailand. We arrive at Bangkok after being on a plane for about 22 hours at least, to this muggy, thick, hot air. I have never been the kind of person to take heat very well so I'm thinking to myself, "how the heck am I going to make it?" Air conditioning is a life saver! LOL. The first few days we spend in that huge city, shopping, touring... but mostly finding out what would lie ahead for us, when "Ministry" began. Sickness overcomes me 2 days after I get to this foreign country. I am bed stricken for 3 days. I cough so much it causes vomiting. I was very sick. The reason I get out of bed is simple. We have to go on a train ride to Chiang Mai, we have to travel. When we get there the 3 teams split up. Team D goes to an Orphanage called "IM JAI." Team E goes to the Hill Tribes. The team I am on stays in Chiang Mai, we are going to teach english at an elementary school of 3000 kids. To be completely honest, I don't know if any one of us was really excited about doing this. We wanted the flair, we wanted to see people saved on the street, we wanted people to cry at an alter bcoz they had never heard of Jesus before. But what we had was teaching english, and that had no opportunity for flair. We begin and we realize amazing, but subtle things we have in store for us. We had the opportunity for lifestyle ministry. Teaching English in a foreign school in a foreign country taught me a valuable lesson about God. MINISTRY IS EVERYDAY. It is a lifestyle! Not dramatic happenings, or rampant emotions, it is everyday! What an amazing thing to learn. The next few months it is the end of OMEGA. The end of the biggest year of my life. I don't want to say goodbye to the newfound friends, or stop learning things the way I learned them. It was easier. I didn't want to go home and face... reality. But I had to. So it ends, and we say goodbye. I go home, with Carissa, my friend. She is coming home w/ me for the summer. We bond, and we find out things about each other that isn't always pleasent. It is a hard and fun month. We learn more about each other, more about God. We realize, just as Bill said. The real challenge that stems from a discipleship program like that, occurs after it ends. The real challenge was facing the world by ourselves, without 50 other people encouraging us to go furthur and dig deeper. I have been home for 8 months now I think. And I know that I have grown. I have both walked towards God and away from him. I have struggled w/ sin, and I have been elated when God teaches me something new and amazing! I have spent time in the chat rooms, and I know that people say things like get a life, but being one of the only Christians my age in my town is very lonely. It has been the way I keep a link to others with faith, who help me grow, and teach me more about God and what he holds for me. The past few weeks have been hard, but God is teaching me to trust more in him. And to not underestimate how much he loves, and how much his grace endures. The next couple months, years, to the rest of my life, will be hard, but I am always thankful to the God who teaches me, and who is a good God. His Mercy endures, just as his grace does. To be conintued....... December/January 2000
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