Lesson 34

 

Be ZEALOUS FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS - Part R

Righteousness in the family - 4

Divine order for husbands & wives - III
 

                                                                                            

 


Home

Vinebranch's Restaurant


Story

Sunday
Sermon

 

Some of the images here are from



KEY SCRIPTURES:

A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.
                                                                                         (John 13:34-35)

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
                                                                                           (Romans 15:7)

A. Righteousness in our personal life (Lesson 20)

B. Area of personal righteousness (Lesson 20-30)

C. Righteousness in the family: Introduction (Lesson 31)

1 What is a family?

2. What was God's purpose for the first family?

3. How was the first family ordered or structured to fulfill God's purpose?

4. What was the family order on earth based on?

5. What happened to the family order and its purpose when sin entered into mankind?

6. How is the family to be restored to its divine order and purpose?

7. Divine order for husbands and wives (Lesson 32)

(a) Line of authority

(b) Function of each member (Lesson 33)

(i) Both the husband and wife must fulfill their respectively roles and duties within the family in order for God's purpose to be done through that family.
(ii) The husband must lead, provide for and protect his family
(iii) The husband leads by example
(iv) The husband leads by open communication and discussion with the wife.
(v) The husband leads the wife with due consideration for her weakness.
(vi) God will give wisdom for the man to lead
(vii) The man must not look down on his own lack of education or status in life and pass the leadership responsibility to the wife or children.
(viii) Neither must the wife look down on her husband's lack of education or experience and attempt to usurp his leadership.
(ix) As the husband leads in all areas of godliness, the wife must help her husband, encourage and support him. She must not oppose him.
(x) It is for her own good and protection that the wife submits to her husband's leadership in the family (1 Corinthians 11:3,9-10)
(xi) A wife must not be tempted to take over the leadership of the family as long as her husband is willing to take up his responsibility.
(xii) The wife must support her husband in all his decisions.
(xiii) When the husband goes against God's word in his decisions, the wife must disobey her husband's decision.
(xiv) Where either the husband or the wife does not want to fulfill his or her role, the spouse can cry out to God to intervene.

(c) Relationship between husband and wife

When a man and a woman gets married, they enter into a contract (a covenant) that is binding as long as they both shall live.
Thus the marriage relationship is a covenant relationship (Malachi 2:13-14).

Another thing  you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?"
It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your MARRIAGE COVENANT.
                                                                                                           (Malachi 2:13-14)

God is a witness to the marriage covenant
The marriage covenant involves three parties, the husband, the wife, and God Himself who is the witness (Malachi 3:14).
As a witness, God knows the joys as well as the difficulties in every marriage; and He has the answer to every problem or need in the marriage.

And because God is involved, His power is available for the marriage covenant to be honored, so that every marriage reflects the will of God.
No marriage needs every to be dull, or depressing or miserable.
We can make it reflect the joy, the peace and the love of God, if we submit ourselves to the will of God.

Our marriage covenant must be patterned after God's covenant with his people
God's covenant with man is often likened to a marriage covenant (Ezekiel 16:8).

Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the sovereign LORD, and you became mine.
                                                                                             (Ezekiel 16:8)

The attitude we adopt in our marriage covenant is therefore to be based on God's covenant with man.
In His relationship with man, God has set the pattern for all covenants, including the marriage covenant.

The success of the marriage covenant is dependent on the attitude of love that the husband and wife must bring toward the marriage relationship.
God's covenant with man is based on His love, sustained by His love and maintained by His love.
Likewise, for our marriage to be successful, it must be based on God's love, be sustained by God's love and be maintained by God's love.
Any other foundation for a marriage will never bring fulfillment to the purposes of God for that marriage (John 13:34-35; Ephesians 5:25,33; Titus 2:3-5).

A new commandment I give you: LOVE ONE ANOTHER. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another. 
                                                                                          (John 13:34-35)

Husbands, LOVE your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. Each one of you must LOVE HIS WIFE as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.                                          (Ephesians 5:25, 33)

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.                                                                (Titus 2:3-5)

Expressions of God's love in His covenant with man.
To love another person is to do good to him.
The Lord God is always good, to man and to His creation, because of His everlasting love (Psalm 100:5; 145:8-9; Matthew 5:43-45).

For the LORD is GOOD and His love endures forever;
     His faithfulness continues through all generations.  
                                                                                             (Psalm 100:5)

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
     slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is GOOD TO ALL;
     He has compassion on all He has made.            (Psalm 145:8)

Likewise, every husband and wife MUST DO GOOD to their spouse as an expression of their covenant love (Galatians 6:10; Proverbs 31:12; Titus 2:3-5).
We must do good to our spouse as the Lord has done good to us.
Only in this way can our marriage be sustained and maintained in joy and peace.
This is the meaning of love - to do good to another person at all times, under all circumstances.

Let us DO GOOD to all people.                                 (Galatians 6:10)

A wife of noble character who can find?
     She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
     and lacks nothing of value.
She BRINGS HIM GOOD, not harm,
     all the days of her life.                                      (Proverbs 31:10-12)

God's love for man is seen in the following acts of goodness towards His people:

God gave His life for His people.

God accepts His people.

God is faithful to His people.

God forgives His people.

God is patient with his people.

God is kind to His people.
(i) God gave His life for His people

God enters into covenants with man because of his love for man.
In spite of man's sin and total unworthiness, God chose to redeem man from sin and death because of His love (John 3:16).
And God redeemed man by giving the life of His Son on the cross as a sacrifice.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
                                                                                                                     (John 3:16)

Jesus gave His life as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (Romans 3:23-25).
He did this because He loved us.
We are commanded to love one another in the SAME WAY (John 13:34-35).

A new commandment I give you: Love one another. AS I HAVE LOVED YOU, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.                                                (John 13:34-35)

Husbands, love your wives, JUST AS Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.                                                               (Ephesians 5:25)

For the good of your spouse, always go the second mile.
As Christ died for you, die to yourself to bring good to your wife or husband.
Before the wedding, while you were courting, many of you declared your total undying and unbounded love for you fiancée.

Let this declaration of sacrificial love continue, even after the wedding.
Let the sacrificial love of God flow through your life to bless your spouse.
We love because of the covenant we made before God, and because we want to obey God's commandment to love.

We love whether the other party deserved it or not.
We love whether we feel "good" about it or not.
We love even if it causes us inconvenience, pain and sacrifice.
We must love one another to the point of giving our life for our spouse.

We must learn to put the interest of our spouse before ourselves.
Only as we die to self for the sake of God and for our spouse's sake, will we see the love of God flowing in our family.

Example:

Help your wife during the night in changing nappies and preparing milk for the new baby.

Bring your wife to the Ladies' Seminar she wants to go to, even if it is far away.

Pray for your husband's overtime work in the office.

Support your husband's desire to attend the men's fellowship while you look after the children at home.

Do not put down your spouse even if you are better in many things, but encourage one another.

Do not always demand attention and appreciation, but always serve one another as unto the Lord.

Do not always monopolize the conversation and talk only of your own interests, needs and problems. Care for one another's interests and concerns.

Take time to pray for the blessings of God upon your spouse.

Rejoice in the success of your spouse and do not be jealous of each other.
Both of you are one. When one party is honored, both share in the honor.

Always respond with thanks and appreciation when your errors are pointed out by your spouse.
Do not retaliate in anger or resentment when your spouse is right.
Your anger and resentment only shows your deep insecurity.
Ground yourself in God's love and the love of your spouse.
(ii) God accepts His people

God chose us as we are.
In Christ, He accepted us as we are - lazy, carnal, selfish, proud, insecure, timid, sloppy, imperfect, worldly, sensual, greedy, stingy, temperamental, foolish, etc.
He saved us by the blood of Jesus, and called us His children, as we are.
God did not wait for any of us to be perfect before He saved and accepted us.

However, God has a perfect plan and destiny for each of us.
He sees us justified and glorified in Christ (Romans 8:30).
And He knows that the power of the Holy Spirit in us will transform us into the likeness of Jesus from glory to glory everyday (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Indeed, God will complete the good word He has begun in our life till Christ is formed in us (Philippians 1:6; Galatians 4:19).

Likewise, husbands and wives must accept one another as they are.
We have made our choice in our marriage vows, and the person that God has given to us is not a mistake.
He may not be the "Shining Knight" of your dreams, but he is a son of God.
She may not be the "angel" of your fantasy, but she is a daughter of God.

Your spouse is not perfect; neither are you.
There is no perfect spouse in the world. (Just look at the mirror, and you are looking at an imperfect specimen).
Just learn to joyfully accept one another and with the help of God, help each other grow to perfection in Christ (Romans 15:5-7; Colossians 1:28).

Accept one another, then, as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.                                                                                     (Romans 15:5-7)

We show our acceptance of one another in the following ways:

Thanks God everyday for your spouse.
God has given your spouse to you as a good gift.
Your spouse will bring many blessings (favor) of God to you (Proverbs 18:22; 19:14).
Therefore, rejoice in God everyday for His gift of a spouse to you.

He who finds a wife finds  what is good,
     and receives favor from the LORD.                  (Proverbs 18:22)

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,
     but a prudent wife is from the LORD.               (Proverbs 19:14)

God has given you a wife to be your helper in everything (Genesis 2:18).
She will bring you joy, support, encouragement and counsel to bless your life.

God has given you a husband to love, lead, protect and provide for you.
God will bring security and direction to your life through your husband.

Appreciate the good qualities in your wife or husband.
Thank God for all the good qualities you see in your life partner.
In many ways, big and small, we take the goodness of our spouse for granted.
We must thank God and thank our spouse for the blessings they bring to our life and family every day.

Imagine for a moment that your wife were to be no more with you for a month.
What blessings would you miss from her absence?
Likewise, the wife is to appreciate the goodness of her husband.

Pray to God in faith for God to change your spouse.
Your spouse, being a human, will be imperfect this side of heaven.
He or she will have glaring faults, shortcomings and weaknesses to fill many books.
It is not your duty to point these out everyday to your spouse, or to criticize him or her for these poor qualities.
Criticisms and nagging are easy and cheap, but they don't change any person.

Instead, ask God in faith to transform your spouse.
Ask God to convict your spouse of sin, righteousness and judgment.
Ask God to touch your spouse so that he or she will have the strength to obey Him.
Begin to thank God by faith everyday for what you have asked.
And you will see the transformation before your eyes.
This is the real adventure, challenge and miracle in marriage - that God can transform two worldly, imperfect persons everyday into the likeness of Jesus and cause them to live together in unity and harmony.

Therefore, thank God everyday for the imperfections you now see in your spouse, because God will receive the glory when your spouse is transformed by the Holy Spirit into the likeness of Christ.
(iii) God is faithful to His people

God is faithful to His covenant promises (Psalm 100:5).
He always keeps His word and does not break them.
Whatever He has promised to do, he will do.
He is committed to His people according to the promises of the New Covenant he made through the blood of Jesus.

Likewise, the husband and wife must keep their covenant vows and be committed to the well-being of their partner for life.
They must never break their marriage vows or give up on their husband or wife.
God's word declares that the marriage contract is a permanent contract, as long as both parties shall live. God hates divorce (Malachi 3:12-16).
No married person should ever contemplate divorce.
What God has put together, no man must separate (Matthew 19:6).
Divorce is a sign of covenant unfaithfulness on the part of a marriage partner.
God wants us to guard our spirit, and remain faithful to our spouse (Malachi 2:13-16).

Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?"
It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have BROKEN FAITH with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 
                                                                                                           (Malachi 3:13-14)

As we remain committed to our marriage covenant and honor God, God will give us the grace - the wisdom, strength and help - to overcome any crisis.
God will give us the endurance and love to overcome all divisive pressures in our marriage.
As we remain faithful to our spouse through all challenges, God will strengthen our marriage.
(iv) God forgives His people

Our God is a forgiving God (Exodus 34:6).
He will always forgive us whenever we repent of our sin (1 John 1:9).
No matter how many times we sin and turn to Him in repentance, He forgives us.
Where would we be if God kept a record of our sins?
We would all be condemned to eternal hell-fire and death.

And he (the LORD) passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and FORGIVING wickedness, rebellion and sin."                   (Exodus 34:6-7)

Likewise, we must forgive one another in our marriage (Matthew 18:21-35).
Offenses will be committed everyday, but out forgiveness gives our spouse a new beginning and liberty to grow more into Christ (Ephesians 4:32).

Be kind and compassionate to one another, FORGIVING each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.                                             (Ephesians 4:32)

Our forgiveness includes a "forgetting" of the sins committed against us.
Just as God forgives us and remembers our sins no more, we are likewise to never bring up the past sins of our spouse after they have been forgiven their sins (Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 8:12).
As we forgive others, God will in turn forgive us (Matthew 6:12).

As we have received God's grace, let us impart grace to others.
As we have received God's forgiveness, let us readily forgive others.
Let us begin by ministering the grace of forgiveness to our loved ones in the family.
(v) God is patient with his people

Our God is a patient God.
He does not pass judgment on us the moment we sin.
He is a God who is slow to anger (Exodus 34:6-7).
In other words, God is infinitely patient with us, despite our weakness and shortcomings.

And he (the LORD) passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, SLOW TO ANGER, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and FORGIVING wickedness, rebellion and sin."                   (Exodus 34:6-7)

God does not criticize us or condemn us when we fall.
Instead, He forgives us when we repent, and He strengthens us when we call unto Him, so that we can grow in obedience and righteousness.
He knows that with time, as we seek His face, we will grow into the likeness of Jesus.

Likewise, we must possess the same attitude of patience and long-suffering toward our spouse (1 Thessalonians 5:14; Ephesians 4:31).
We must pray for one another's weaknesses and believe that God has began to transform our loved ones.
Therefore, in faith, we rejoice in the daily changes in our spouse.

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be PATIENT with everyone.        (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.                                                            (Ephesians 4:31)

We must give time and room for God to work in transforming our spouse.
God's power can do it, for with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
We only have to wait patiently and see the miracle of God.

Therefore do not yell, shout at, grumble at, nag, criticize, condemn or torture your spouse with words of anger, sarcasm when your spouse has done wrong.
This is not of God. It is wrong. This is demonic (James 3:15-16).
Anger and fretfulness is the first sign of a lack of patience and maturity.
Your anger and impatience bring discouragement and condemnation to a fellow brother and sister-in-Christ, who is also your spouse.
In fact, you are treating him worse than you would treat your enemy.

Our Lord Jesus has said: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your father in heaven" (Matthew 5:44-45).
If we are thus commanded by our Lord to love even our enemies, should we not extend our love to our spouses, who sleep with us and live with us and are committed to us for our good?
Why have we changed our calling to be a blessing to our spouse to one that destroys another brother or sister-in-Christ?
(vi) God is kind to His people

To be kind is to "do good to others when they do not deserve it and when you do not expect anything in return."
God is kind to His creation.
He does good even to his enemies, the unjust and the unrighteous (Luke 6:35-36).

Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you are sons of the Most high, because HE IS KIND to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as you father is merciful.  
                                                                                                                (Luke 6:35-36)

Thus we are commanded to be kind to one another, including our enemies.
And in the family, husbands and wives must always be kind to one another, following the example of God and obeying God's command.
Otherwise, we are hypocrites, being kind to stranger or outsiders, but being unkind to our loved ones living next to us (Ephesians 4:32).

Be KIND and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.                                                     (Ephesians 4:32)

Examples of kindness between husband and wife: 

Give words of encouragement to a spouse when he or she has made a mistake, spoiled and electrical appliance or burned the rice, etc.

Never speak words that kill the spirit, would the heart and discourage the soul of your spouse, no matter what the situation.

Always help one another in the housework whenever one person is busy and the other is free.
Many hands make light work and bodies that are less tired.
E.g. Throwing out the rubbish, cleaning the toilets, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, collecting and ironing the clothes, shopping, etc.

Always show your appreciation to your spouse for who he or she is with words and tokens of love.
Your spouse is special to you because God has put you both together.

Bless your spouse with a treat when you have your bonus.

Speak good of your spouse before others, Do not put him or her down to discredit or embarrass your spouse, but praise him or her instead.

Encourage your spouse in his or her ministry to God and to the body of Christ when the priority is right.

Do not ignore your spouse or treat him or her coldly just because you did not agree on a certain issue.

Etc. (Ask God to show you how to be kind to your spouse).

Your thought

  1. Are you disappointed by your husband or wife after your marriage?
    Have you responded with grumbling, complaining, criticisms?
    Is your attitude right?
    How would you go about making your spouse to be a man or woman of God?
    (List out the proper steps you would take).

  2. How would you respond if your wife knocked the family car into a tree?
    How would you respond if your husband forgot to put on the washing machine for you overnight?
    Why do we get angry with our spouse? Is it right?
    What should be our proper attitude? Why?

  3. Do you quarrel with your spouse at home?
    How did you contribute to the strife and misunderstanding?
    What attitude would you take the next time around when you have differences in opinion, in order that you will no longer contribute to the quarrelling, but instead contribute to joy and peace in the home?

    CHECK LIST:
    Are you following God's ordained line of authority in the home?
    Are you fulfilling your duties as a husband or wife?
    Are you walking in the love of God towards your spouse?

                                                                                             



This page hosted by GeoCities Get your own Free Home Page