RESTORING THE RESURRECTION LIFE - Part 2

2. Other causes of self-hatred
Other causes of self-hatred in a growing child or adult can include the following:

a. Adoption and favoritism
A child who have been given away for adoption feels abandoned and rejected by his biological parents. This feeling arises even though the adoption may be for his good. Moreover, when the foster parents showers more affection on their own biological children, the feeling of rejection in an adopted child grows even deeper.

Parents must not show favoritism in the home. Love must be lavished on all children, biological or adopted. Love must never be withheld from any child.

E.g. Jacob loved his son Joseph more than the others. This cause great resentment and heartache for Joseph, his brothers and to Jacob himself(Genesis 37:1-36)

Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives, and he brought his father a bad report about them.

Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.
(Genesis 37:2-4)

b. Child with extended illness, especially immediately after birth.
A newly born child, kept at the hospital or an incubator for an extended period of time, will not know of a mother's presence, warmth and affection. The child then sense that she is abandoned and rejected.

Mother must always seek to be in close physical contact with their new-borns. The affection and care of a mother at this time gives a sense of being and security to one who has just entered a new and strange environment.

c. Physical defects, disabilities or handicaps
Children with physical disabilities are very sensitive to words of others. A word of mockery or pity will hurt them deeply and bind to them self-pity, self-hatred, self-condemnation and despair.

Children growing up with physical disabilities must be assured of their intrinsic value and worth before God who loves us unconditionally. They need to be loved and encouraged to reach their high calling in Christ.

d. Comparison with others: siblings, relatives, neighbors, peers.
Parents who constantly compare their children with others who are more gifted are in fact putting down their children, making them feel inferior and worthless. Such comparison can bring on a sense of despair and hopelessness, ending in indifference, rebellion and suicide.

Parents must accept their children as unique gifts from God. They must always see a child's special and unique giftings and encourage him to excel in those area. They should seek to know and fulfill God's will and calling (not the parent's ambitions) for their child through prayer, the word of God and encouragement.

They should not highlight a child's weaknesses and mock him in front of others. Neither should they try to make him to be what he is not gifted to be. Putting extra pressure like intensive tuition classes will only take the joy out of the child's life.

E.g. Suicide cases among schooling children in Japan and Singapore are extremely common because of the insane competitive spirit among parents that put extreme pressure on their innocent children. For such a child, the joy and fun of childhood has vanished, and he feels like a machine being put through the drills to achieve man-centred success.

e. Peer rejection
Every child wants to be accepted by his peers. Nevertheless, when a child faces peer rejection or ridicule because of his looks, abilities or social standing, it can cause deep hurts and self-rejection in him.

Parent should teach a child about his value and worth to his parents and to God, no matter what others may say. It is what God thinks of us that is important and not what man thinks.

f. Parent with sever illness: mental or physical
When a parent is ill, mentally or physically, a child may feel abandoned and unloved. The parent is not able to bring the child out for shopping, holidays or picnics, and the child perceives it as rejection. The child feels that he is neglected and deprived of his parent's love.healthy parent must explain to the child that he is loved by both parents and that the ill parent still loves him, even though the ill father or mother is unable to shower a parent's love on the child.

g. Turmoil in the home
When there is constant turmoil in the home, the child grows up in an atmosphere of fear and is deprived of the warmth and affection of both parents. The child may sometimes be used as a scapegoat in the arguments and quarrels between parents. At other times, the child's behavior may be a cause of contention between parents.

Because of this, the child may blame himself for the turmoil in the home. He assumes that it is his fault that his parents quarrel and do not love him.

Parents must learn not to have arguments in front of their children. Wives must submit to the leadership of the husband concerning children's discipline and must not quarrel with the husband in front of the children. If a spouse is at fault, the opposite partner needs to talk it over gently with the spouse in the privacy of their room.

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing will be there.
(James 3:16)

h. Unfaithfulness and betrayal in a relationship: boy-girl, husband-wife, pastor-members, believer-believer, etc.
When there is unfaithfulness in any relationship, the innocent party suffers deep rejection, pain, confusion, and self-condemnation. Hopelessness and despair will arise, leading to grief and sometimes suicide.

All of us must take our relationships seriously. A believer must not play on the feeling of the opposite sex in any boy-girl relationship, and make commitments he cannot keep. Otherwise, betrayal of your relationship will leap to deep hurts in other party.

Likewise, a marriage is a life-time covenant relationship (Malachi 2:13-14). A spouse who is unfaithful cause deep anguish and self-condemnation in the innocent party. God hates the adulterer, and he will lose his salvation (Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 21:8).

In a church, where the pastor has poured out his love and affection on the sheep, the betrayal by any member will always be painful. Back-bitting, slander, criticism, gossip and disloyalty will break a pastor's heart and confidence, causing hopelessness, despair and self-depreciation, false guilt and self-condemnation.

Every church member must know his role in the body of Christ, and help the pastor to build up the Church, and not to destroy it by rebellion. Ultimately, God will severely judge all rebels (Numbers 16:1-50).

3. Results of rejection and self-hatred.
Because most of us respond to rejection in sinful ways, we aggravate the damage done to our personality.

Many hate themselves, and grow up insecure, fearful, and shy. Other rebel against all authority, venting their anger and rage on their loved ones, trusting no one and unable to relate normally to others. Yet others will escape into a world of self-pity and fantasy, drugs, drink and food, unable to cope with real life because of a poor self-image.

The results of rejection and self-hatred in a person's life can include a whole range of carnal, sinful behavior. It is an expression of the old adamic life in us. The list below is given so that we may search our hearts before God, acknowledge our sins if it applies to us, and begin to walk in God's love.

The result of rejection and self-hatred in our lives can include:

Instead, he is bitter towards those who have rejected and hurt him. Such a person is easily angered. If he is married, the spouse and the children will suffer because of his unpredictable rage and anger. If he is still single, his elderly parents and siblings will suffer.

Sometimes, a bitter and rebellious son will turn violent in the home. When he physically hurts others or damages the house or commits a murder, he is sent to the lunatic asylum, sometimes for life.

Many make inner vows in their bitterness, declaring that:

"I will never let anyone order me around again!"
"I will never let anyone hurt me again!" "I will never trust anyone again!"

Because of these vows, they are bound to their sinful past, and cannot walk in love and trust towards others. Their hearts are no longer tender, but hard. They are determined to show no affection or gentleness, in case they may be rejected and be hurt again.

b. Insecurity, defensivenss, inferiority, false guilt, self-criticism
Those growing up with rejection suffer from deep insecurity. They have a poor self-image of themselves. They lack self-confidence and are not able to take pressure or maintain a steady job under pressure.

Many are bound by an inferiority complex and always look down on themselves. Many criticize themselves or blame themselves for what has happened to them. Such guilt complexes are false. Such false guilt is maintained to stir up pity and comfort from others.

Insecure people are also defensive people. Everyone is treated as a potential enemy, even the poor spouse. The person gets angry at the slightest hint of rejection from another. Even a compliment or good advice is treated as rejection by an insecure person.

c. Fantasy, paranoia, schizophrenia
Because of their inability to cope with the outside world and its demands, many rejected persons withdraw into a world of fantasy. They talk to imaginary persons and hear voices in their imagination. This opens a door for lying spirits to destroy them.

They laugh and cry in their fantasy. They create great stories of themselves through self-deception. They also create new personalities for themselves; this is called schizophrenia or a "split personality complex. They have imaginary enemies, and everyone is out to get them - this is the onset of paranoia.

d. Judgementalism, competition, jealousy
Many rejected adults adopt a judgemental attitude towards others. They are always putting down the abilities or deeds of others in order to put themselves in a better light in comparison.

They also have a competitive spirit and are always comparing themselves with others, never sure of their own acceptance by God as they are. They are also prone to jealousy when they see the blessings of others. They have an inability to rejoice with others who are blessed. They talk only of themselves or their children.

e. Perfectionism
As a compensation for their deprivation and suffering in their childhood, many with poor self-image will over-react through perfectionism. Others become perfectionists because they had wanted to win the love of a father or mother figure in the past. Thus many will clean the floor repeatedly, bathe repeatedly, wash hands repeatedly, arrange things repeatedly, until obsession sets in.

f. Physical escapism: drugs, alcohol, overeating, television, workaholism
Many who are unable to face the pressures of life because of their self-hatred will try to escape from life's realities in many abusive ways.

Such physical abuse brings on a deterioration of health as well as waste financial resources of the family. Such person will no longer work and expect others (parents, brothers, sisters) to help them maintain their habits. Total destruction of the persons' social and physical life will generally follow unless remedial action is taken in time.

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