RESTORING THE RESURRECTION LIFE - Part 3

• forgiving all those who have sinned against us
  
• forgiving ourselves where we may have done wrong against ourselves.

• thanking Him for His love
  
• thanking Him for sending Jesus to die for us,
  
• thanking Him for giving us a new life in Christ Jesus,
  
• thanking Him for filling us with His Holy Spirit and His kingdom riches,

• daily repentance & daily obedience

1. Cause of self-hatred

2. Other causes of self-hatred

3. Results of rejection and self-hatred
Because most of us respond to rejection in sinful ways, we aggravate the damage done to our personality.

Many hate themselves, and grow up insecure, fearful, and shy. Other rebel against all authority, venting their anger and rage on their loved ones, trusting no one and unable to relate normally to others. Yet others will escape into a world of self-pity and fantasy, drugs, drink and food, unable to cope with real life because of a poor self-image.

The results of rejection and self-hatred in a person's life can include a whole range of carnal, sinful behavior. It is an expression of the old adamic life in us. The list below is given so that we may search our hearts before God, acknowledge our sins if it applies to us, and begin to walk in God's love.

The result of rejection and self-hatred in our lives fall into tow main groups:
GROUP A: SELF-REJECTION group (inward-withdrawal behavior patterns).
GROUP B: REBELLION group (outward-aggressive behavior patterns).
There behavior patterns are as follows:

Group A: SELF-REJECTION Group

Group B: REBELLION Group

a. Fear of rejection
Every rejected child fears rejection, because rejection brings great emotional pain. Because of that, a rejected person always build up walls to minimize or avoid rejection by others.

Bound by fear of rejection, many are not able to socialise with others, and become extremely shy and timid. They have few friends and keep to themselves, aggravating their problem of not receiving further affirmation and acception.

Many are unable to face the risk of rejection by the opposite sex, and so are unable to develop any meaningful relationship with the opposite sex. This leads to great loneliness and despair.

b. Insecurity, defensivenss, inferiority,
Those growing up with rejection suffer from deep insecurity. They have a poor self-image of themselves. They lack self-confidence and are not able to take pressure or maintain a steady job under pressure.

Insecure people are also defensive people. Everyone is treated as a potential enemy, even the poor spouse. The person gets angry at the slightest hint of rejection from another. Even a compliment or good advice is treated as rejection by an insecure person.

Such a person cannot maintain normal conversation or communication with anyone, especially with the spouse or family member. Every word or advice, correction or genuine disagreement is taken as an act of rejection rather than good communication.

This problem is aggravated and causes serious problems if the wife in a family is suffering from mild or severe rejection. She will find it extremely difficult to submit to the leadership of her husband, confusing his leadership decisions as acts of rejection towards her if he does not agree with her. This causes unnecessary torture and turmoil for the husband, wife and family. All wives must take note of this common cause of marital problems in marriage.

c. Self-criticism, false guilt
Many bound by an inferiority complex always look down on themselves. Many criticize themselves compulsively for their poor personality. (E.g.: I am not good, I am not able to talk, I cannot write well, I am useless, etc.). It is less painful to reject ourselves than to be rejected by others.

Others will blame themselves wrongly for the problems they are facing. Many maintain such false guilt to stir up pity and comfort from others. If a person has really done wrong, it can be dealt with by confession of the sin and receiving forgiveness from God.

Yet others will compulsively confess again and again to the same sin. They do this to shock others and to gain attention and concern.

d. Fantasy-lust, promiscuity, permissiveness, prostitution, homosexuality, cross-dressing
Because of a normal desire for love and acceptance, which was not received through childhood, a rejected person will substitute such desire with lustful thoughts and desires. He will fantasize that a certain sister is in love with him. He will tell his friends that so-and-so is his special girlfriend, and that they are getting married soon.

A rejected girl will indulge in sexual promiscuity and permissiveness just to win the love of the others. She will dress provocatively to stir up passion. This can lead to prostitution when the self-hatred is great and little value is attached to one's life, especially when sexual abuse has occurred during childhood.

Others will indulge in homosexual relationships when they are gender-confused. Lack of gender affirmation and acceptance by the father or parents will cause many to be unable to relate to opposite sex. Instead such persons will seek sexual satisfaction in unnatural ways. Many will cross-dress to win love and affection from persons of the same sex.

e. Perfectionism and workaholism
As a compensation for their deprivation and suffering in their childhood, many with poor self-image will over-react through perfectionism. They become perfectionists because they had always wanted to win the love of a father or mother figure in the past or even at present.

Thus many will clean the floor repeatedly, bathe repeatedly, wash hands repeatedly, arrange things repeatedly, until obsession sets in.

Yet others will overwork to prove to themselves and to others that they can be better than others, etc. In this way, the hope to receive the approval and commendation of others.

f. Physical escapism: drugs, alcohol, overeating, television
Many who are unable to face the pressures of life because of their self-hatred will try to escape from life's realities in many abusive ways.

Such physical abuse brings on a deterioration of health as well as waste financial resources of the family. Such person will no longer work and expect others (parents, brothers, sisters) to help them maintain their habits. Total destruction of the persons' social and physical life will generally follow unless remedial action is taken in time.

g. Self-pity, depression, despair, discouragement, hopelessness, suicide
A person suffering from self-rejection will tend to indulge in self-pity, declaring that no one cares for her or loves her. This will lead to depression, a lack of joy or hope, despair and discouragement.

There is no more zeal or interest in life. Those who are prone to fantasy will begin hearing demonic voices telling them to commit suicide and end it all.

They will always see the negative side of every situation. They only believe that everything will work out badly for them. They cannot believe that in all things God is working for our good.

h. Attention seeking: religious spirit, screaming and yelling, loud music, etc.
Because of their hunger for love, a rejected person will act to draw attention to herself in various outlandish ways. When such a person uses religious acts to seek attention, she has opened herself up to a religious spirit.

Such practice include:

i. Self-neglect, uncleanness, indifference, laziness and poverty
Because of their poor self-image, a lot of rejected persons will neglect to keep themselves tidy and neat. Since others do not love them, they feel that it is useless to live themselves. Thus they are generally unclean and sloppy in appearance. They are indifferent to the lack of cleanliness in their living area.

Because of their inability to keep a job, they find it hard to make ends meet. They will accept poverty as their lot. Many will refuse to work as the pay is low for the job that is available for their personality. A form of habitual laziness will set in after a period of joblessness. They will thus be dependent for their livelihood on their spouse, if married, or on their parents and sibling if unmarried.

j. Fear of all kinds: of poverty, of relationship failure, job failure, etc,
A rejected child, abandoned or neglected, will grow up lacking the confidence to face problems. They develop a fear of poverty and will tend to hoard things, even unwanted materials, and pile up trash in their homes.

Others develop irrational and unreasonable fears, including fear of germs and disease, of relationship failure, of job failure, of the dark, of strangers, of insects, etc.

k. Rebellion, disrespect, bitterness, inner vows, hardness, anger, violence, murder
When a child is rejected and abused, he grows up hating everyone, especially those in authority. He blames those who have abused him and will no longer submit to any authority or rules of society. Rebellion is his attempt to show that he can no longer be hurt by others.

Instead, he is bitter towards those who have rejected and hurt him. He is unable to forgive. The root of bitterness is kept alive and leads to resentment, hatred, anger, retaliation, violence and murder.

Such a person is easily angered. If he is married, the spouse and the children will suffer because of his unpredictable rage and anger. If he is still single, his elderly parents and siblings will suffer.

Sometimes, a bitter and rebellious son or daughter will turn violent in the home. When he physically hurts others or damages the house or commits a murder, he is sent to the lunatic asylum, sometimes for life.

Many make inner vows in their bitterness, declaring that:

"I will never let anyone order me around again!"
"I will never let anyone hurt me again!" "I will never trust anyone again!"

Because of these vows, they are bound to their sinful past, and cannot walk in love and trust towards others. Their hearts are no longer tender, but hard. They are determined to show no affection or gentleness, in case they may be rejected and be hurt again.

l. Self-will, stubbornness, selfishness and unteacheableness
Because of his rebellion, a person will insist on his own ways. He becomes selfish and does not care about the welfare or convenience of others. Since he has been rejected before, he now compensates by pampering himself.

Such a person will become stubborn and unteachable. He will not listen to advice or teaching, even from church leaders. He will insist that what he is doing is right and justified. He is blink to the fact that his behavior always lands him into trouble, although he finds it hard to admit to the truth.

m. Accusation, judgementalism, competition, jealousy, envy
Many rejected adults adopt a judgemental attitude towards others. They accuse others of wrong-doing to draw attention to the weakness of others, and away from their own rejection. They are always putting down the abilities or deeds of others in order to put themselves in a better light in comparison.

They also have a competitive spirit and are always comparing themselves with others, never sure of their own acceptance by God as they are. They are also prone to jealousy when they see the blessings of others. They are envious of others who are able to experience love and give love.

They also have an inability to rejoice with others who are blessed. They talk only of themselves or their children.

n. Self-deception, delusion and pride
A rejected person wants to feel important. He may highlight his own achievements, even though they may not be great or significant. Or he may highlight imaginary achievements, and delude or deceive himself.

He has a great need to boast his ego, and will try to put others down to make himself look good. His empty boasting is obvious to everyone else except himself, and is embarrassing and pitiful rather than offensive.

o. Fantasy, distrust, suspicions, paranoia, schizophrenia
Because of their inability to cope with the outside world and its demands, many rejected persons withdraw into a world of fantasy. They talk to imaginary persons and hear voices in their imagination. This opens a door for lying spirits to destroy them.

They laugh and cry in their fantasy. They create great stories of themselves through self-deception. They also create new personalities for themselves; this is called schizophrenia or a "split personality complex.

Because of his rebellion, a rejected person tends to treat others as enemies, especially those who have interactions with him. He is full of distrust and suspicions, all of which is unfounded and comes from his imagination. He thinks everyone is out to get him - this is the one set of paranoia

p. Control, possessiveness, manipulation
Because of his rebellion and self-will, a rejected person wants to control others. He will attempt to manipulate others by his tantrums and anger. He is supper-sensitive and is easily offended, thus forcing everyone to please him in every way to maintain the peace.

Your thought:

a. Ask the Lord to search your life and show you areas of sinful behavior patterns that are a result of rejection in the past.

b. Forgive those who have sinned against you and rejected you (whether real or perceived).

c. Begin to thank God for his love for you in different areas of your life.

d. Daily repent of your sinful behavior patterns and begin to walk in obedience to God.