Fic: Hand
E-mail: the_smooth_one910@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Warnings: Not much, really, just angsty pining amongst boys.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Pairings: Elijah Wood/Sean Astin
Summary: He knows, from simply holding his hand.


The very first time you guys met, you tripped walking up the stairs. You felt childish, looking up at him from the floor, like you were some snot-nosed kid and he was your father, looking down at you and waiting to reprimand you. He has that presence, that grown-up, I’m a responsible dad aura, but all he did was offer his hand out, help you, chuckle a bit and say, “That was smooth. I’m Sean.” And you put your hand in his, and his hand completely covered yours, and it felt so safe, so right. You had known then. From simply putting your hand in his.


Both of you growing up in Hollywood, you guys had a bond that the other guys didn’t. Everyone was close, but not like you and Sean. Both of you knew what it was like, what a project of this magnitude would do for your careers, how it could propel both of you out of the child star image. Everyone joked around about your career, from North to Flipper to Radio Flyer, but they never got it, and they never knew how much it hurt, how it felt like you were a joke because you made a few silly campy movies. Sean knew, and all he would do was, from underneath the table, slip his hand into yours and squeeze, smile a bit. You had known then. From simply squeezing right back.


You realized you were gay when you were sixteen and you were filming The Ice Storm. The scene where Katie has to pretend she’s drunk and she has to let her head fall into Tobey’s lap had been the eye-opener. It’s not really a big deal to you, but outside of your family and your two childhood friends, no one knows. But you feel really close to these guys, and you want to be honest with them, so one night, you pull Sean aside and tell him that you’re gay. You half-expect a negative reaction, but all he does is hug you and say, “You’re still my friend.” And when you tell the others, and you’re too nervous to speak, he grabs your hand and holds it throughout your entire speech. You had known then. From simply depending on it.


When you guys were shooting the Gondor scenes, you got a call from someone you didn’t expect; your father. As soon as you heard his voice, you remember everything your mother told you about your father possibly trying to cash in and you hung up the phone immediately. You didn’t want to talk to him, not when the only times he ever talked to you like you were a person were when he needed money. And you sat and you cried in your trailer, because you did want a dad but not like this, and you hadn’t heard Sean come in, but he was there, and he had his arms around you, hugging you, and one of his hands had hold of yours and he just rocked you while you cried. You had known then. From simply letting him comfort you.


You knew that just because Sean was your best friend didn’t mean he, too, was gay. But you couldn’t help but hope for it. You knew Christine, and you saw first hand how great she was for Sean, and how happy they were, and you felt terrible about it, but you honestly, honesty hope that one day, he would come to you and all he would do is say, “I need you with me.” And it’s not like it’s a silly little crush that is pointless to hold on to. Every time he takes you by the hand, it just reaffirms more and more that you honestly believe, with firm conviction, that one day you and Sean will get to where you need to be. You know. From simply holding his hand.


How many hobbits can we fit in a bed?
This ain't floating my boat!
Home, Jones!


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