Fic: Absolution
E-mail: violet147@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17.
Warnings: There be porn, and it be of the boy on boy variety. Also. Death.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Pairings: Adam/Jade
Summary: The story of Adam and Jade, ballad by ballad.
Notes: These vignettes were inspired by the album Absolution, by Muse. All the lyrics belong to them, not me.

1. Apocalypse Please

It’s time we saw a miracle
Come on, it’s time for something biblical
To pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

The world, in less than fifteen minutes, was going to end.

Jade had left his parents’ house twenty minutes earlier, kissing his mother goodbye, telling her how much he had loved her chocolate chip cookies, how comforting her beautiful smile was, and how much he had loved her. He hugged his father tight, thanking him for showing him how to be a man, and told him that he hoped he had made his father proud. He hugged Smith, telling him that he had to wait for his big brother to show him into the afterlife, so they could claim the XBOX first before the mad rush of souls came pouring in. He bestowed his parents’ dog with kisses, asking him to look after his parents in the next life like he had done so faithfully in this one. And then he was gone, off to the last place he had to be, to the only place he wanted to be as the apocalypse came.

He had called Davey on the way there. He told him how proud he was of Davey, how even though the world was ending, Davey had made his mark, and when future generations, if there were going to be any, spoke of the world before it ended, they would say that David Marchand had saved millions of lives with his prose and golden voice. He told Davey that the wings he had inked on his back would turn into real wings once it was all over, that he would become the angel their millions of fans, his family, and his friends had always believed him to be.

He called Hunter next. He told Hunter how honored he was to have spent so much of his life with him, how not even death and destruction could wipe away all the good they had done together. He thanked Hunter for bringing so much light, laughter, and love into his life, and told him that he was looking forward to the mischief Hunter would cause in Heaven. He promised Hunter that he would be there soon, and they could all be together once again. After he made his final stop.

When the tidal waves first begun, all the beaches in California had been closed off. But after the earthquake, all the barriers had been torn to pieces, and now the beaches were open once again. He stopped for a moment, searching amongst the mass of people who had decided that if the world was going to end, they were going to have front row seats to its destruction. For a moment, he almost panicked; he couldn’t find him. But then he spotted the dark hair, and all was well again. His dying wish could be fulfilled now.

He made his way down, quietly watching the waves as they picked up more and more momentum. He finally stopped, and turned to the man next to him, no words necessary. He watched the waves as they started to come crashing in, closer and closer. He reached his hand out, turning to look at his right. “This is it,” he said.

“So it would seem,” Adam replied. Neither said anything for a moment, watching the waves come closer. Jade closed his eyes, taking in the smell of the salt, the smell of Adam’s cologne, the cries of those around him, the prayers that died on people’s lips, the amount of love and courage that surrounded him. He looked up at Adam, who simply stared at the ocean. “Why are you here?” Adam finally asked.

Jade took a deep breath. “If the world is going to end,” he answered. “Then you will be the last thing I see.”

Adam turned and looked at him, his eyes watering. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

Jade smiled. “Hold me.” Without another word, Adam pulled Jade up to his chest, wrapping his arms around him. They closed their eyes and held each other, the sound of their hearts drowning out the noise of the waves, the sound of the fires burning in the cities, all the noises they had taken advantage of, sounds the world would make no more.


2. Time Is Running Out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I’m addicted
Now that you know I’m trapped
Sense of elation
You’d never dream of
Breaking this fixation


He had never wanted this. He had never wanted to feel so helpless, so out of control, but here he was, and there was no going back. There was no salvation for him anymore, there was no way to get out, if he even wanted to.

The first time Jade kissed him, the ground had opened up, and Adam had been swallowed whole. He had never felt lips so soft, so inviting, and he wanted more. He laid himself out in the open, and let Jade possess him, let Jade crawl inside and now it was too late to rid of himself of the poison. Jade was now in his bloodstream, now in his system, and all he could do now was crave Jade like a wild animal, come crawling back to Jade’s bed like an addict in need for another fix.

He had tried to stop it. He had told himself that the guilt he felt at sleeping with a married man outweighed the feel of Jade’s lips on his cock, of Jade’s hands on his body, of the sound of Jade’s heart thumping in his chest as Adam pounded into him. The shame of everyone knowing Adam’s addiction should have been enough to make him stop. Everyone knew; even Jade’s wife had her suspicions. She had accused Jade time and time again of cheating on her, but the poor girl thought another woman had wormed her way into her bed. She didn’t see the way Adam would shake as Jade sat across from him, the way Adam obeyed like a faithful dog, serving his master so he could get the proverbial bone.

When Jade first got engaged, Adam tried to end it. Jade had snuck into his bed, and Adam tried to make him leave. He tried to protest, telling Jade it was wrong, that Jade had to let him go and let him be free. Jade had simply smiled and shook his head. “We’ll never be free of each other, and you don’t WANT to be,” he had said.

“You don’t love me,” Adam had spit out accusingly. “You’re in love with being needed.”

“No. But I crave you, like you crave me. You’re a part of me. I need you, to breathe, to function, to live. We both need this feeling, and no one can give it to us like we can.”

That had been the truth, and now they were junkies, feeding off the high they gave each other, needing the feel of each other’s skin. Adam was chained to Jade, starving for freedom but drinking in the elation. As Adam struggled against the handcuffs that tied him to Jade’s bed, he knew there was no hope, no cure, no detox for this sort of addiction. And as Jade pushed himself deep inside Adam, Adam’s eyes rolled back into his head as the fix washed over him, and he knew, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that nothing could make him refuse this fixation.


3. Sing For Absolution

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can’t renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Tiptoe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew


Three in the morning, and sleep eluded Jade once again, as it had every day for the past four years. Once again, he was haunted by his dreams, beautiful dreams of sweet nothings, whispered declarations of love, of crystal blue eyes that only opened for him and him alone. He bit back a sob, forcing the words he had been aching to say back into his throat. It felt like bile in his throat, choking him until he could feel himself turning blue. He wasn’t sure what was better; becoming poisoned by his own words, or letting himself become open and finally touchable. So sad…the idea of finally admitting to feeling something, and all Jade wanted to do was curl himself into a corner and hide.

He tiptoed his way down the tiny hallway of the bus, stopping himself in front of Adam’s bunk. He gently pulled the curtain back, and stared down at Adam, mesmerized by the calm on Adam’s face, of the smooth lines on his forehead, by how satiny his lashes looked against his skin. Jade wanted nothing more than to crawl next to Adam and lay his head down. He wanted nothing more than to wake Adam and turn his nightmares into dreams, to finally tell Adam the truth. He wanted to tell Adam how alive he felt when Adam smiled. He wanted to plead with Adam to finally touch him, to finally make him real and whole, to hold Jade’s heart in his hands and cherish it.

But Jade could say nothing. God, who was he trying to kid? He wasn’t Sleeping Beauty; one kiss from Adam would not wake him up.

No, he couldn’t risk it. He sighed to himself and reached out, tracing Adam’s cheek with his fingertip. He ignored the sharp pain in his heart as Adam sighed in his sleep, and finally just turned away.

No, there was only one choice. He would say nothing. Adam would know nothing, and Jade could only hope that he would finally start to turn blue.


4. Stockholm Syndrome

This is the last time I’ll abandon you
And this is the last time I’ll forget you
I wish I could


“This is the last time,” Adam swore with a vengeance. He paced across Hunter’s living room, chain smoking furiously. “I’m done. I’m done with his bullshit and his lies and just…just HIM. Finished. Complete. No more.”

“Right,” Hunter replied. “Because this time is completely different from the seven other times you swore you were going to walk away for good.”

Adam bit his tongue, wishing he could argue, knowing he would lose. He had said this the last time, too, and he had went back, falling for the pretty promises and the sweet-smelling flowers Jade had sent him. But this time Jade had went too far. Adam was not going to forgive him this time; he couldn’t allow it.

“Well, this time WILL be different,” he promised Hunter.

“Why do you say that?” Hunter asked with a bored indifference in his voice.

“Because I’m not allowing a lying, UNFAITHFUL bastard back into my life.”

Hunter was quiet for a moment, taking it all in. “Good. Good for you. About time.”

Adam continued to pace the living room, trying to keep back the wave of nausea as he remembered coming home and finding Jade in bed with another man. As if the lies and the deceit weren’t enough, Jade had to make it worse by sleeping with someone else. No, this was the last time. Adam was NOT going to fall for Jade’s lies again. It was over. Time to move on. He deserved much, much better. He was going to move on, and forget that Jade Puget had ever stepped into his life.

His phone rang, and he checked the caller ID. Forcefully he flipped his phone open, and before Jade could try to sweet talk him, he snapped, “Don’t bother, I’m in the process of completely forgetting about you.”

He snapped the phone shut. He really, really hoped he could.


5. Falling Away With You

All the love we left behind
Watching the flashbacks intertwine
Memories I will never find
So I’ll love whatever you become
And forget the reckless things we’ve done
I think our lives have just begun


Jade couldn’t believe he had never seen it until now. He could still remember the first day of his junior year, noticing the two freshman boys, different as night and day, desperately searching for a place to sit. He saw the indecision on their faces, as they debated on which table to sit at so they could avoid being seen. He remembered seeing the relief on their faces as he stood up and told them they could sit with him and his friends, and that had been it. The friendship had been cemented for life, even though they hadn’t known it at the time.

He could remember watching the band evolve over the years, watching as Davey evolved from a shy, sarcastic teenager into a radiant, fierce force of nature. Adam’s transformation had been much more subtle, but it was still there, from the way he held his head, to how quiet and observant he had become, how unassuming he was with normal people and how ruthless and cutthroat he could be with record executives who wanted them to go in a direction they didn’t like. He had so many layers, it was impossible to truly uncover each and every one. But as Adam sat in front of him, wringing his hands, his eyes so wide they threatened to split his head open, Jade realized that yes, they had been friends for a life time. They had been as close as brothers for years, and now it was just apparent to him, that now, it was time they moved beyond friends or brothers.

“If you don’t…I mean, I’ll understand if you don’t,” Adam said softly. “It’s just…I’ve felt this way for a while…”

Jade leaned forward and put his hands on Adam’s face, smiling a little. “You don’t have to say anything else,” he told him. He kissed Adam softly, a shock of electricity shooting straight through him. He pulled back, letting himself become lost for a moment in Adam’s eyes. He wondered if he would ever be able to piece together all of the different puzzle pieces. He wondered if he was going to wake up tomorrow and see the same Adam that sat in front of him today. But he knew, now more than ever, that no matter who Adam was that day, he would love him no matter what.

They kissed again, both of them knowing that it didn’t matter who they had been or who they would become. This was the start of something that would last.


6. Hysteria

And I want you now
I want you now
I’ll feel my heart implode
I’m breaking out
Escaping now
Feeling my faith erode


Adam grabbed Jade by his shoulders and slammed him up against the wall, forcing his tongue into Jade’s mouth. He slipped his hands underneath Jade’s shirt, reaching up and pinching his nipple, attacking his mouth, pressing himself against Jade’s leg. He finally pulled away and stared into Jade’s eyes, hand still on Jade’s nipple, watching as Jade arched his hips and let out a low moan that sent shivers down his spine. “Tell me you want me,” he panted, licking his lips. “Tell me how much you want me to fuck you.”

Jade opened his eyes and looked at him, eyes clouded with lust. “Now. Oh GOD, now,” he answered, his voice trailing off into a moan.

They both scrambled to undo their pants, Adam almost dropping Jade at one point, but finally they were free of the confines of their clothes. He put his arms around Jade and slowly started to make his way over to the chair, distracted by the bites Jade was leaving all over his neck. Finally he just collapsed into the chair, and let out a groan as Jade shifted himself onto Adam’s cock, driving Adam into him without any warning at all. He gripped Jade’s hips, trying to move him in a faster motion, but Jade refused, setting his own pace, slowly, never tearing his eyes away from Adam.

“Does it feel good?” Jade asked.

“Ohhh…oh God yes…” Adam leaned his head on Jade’s shoulder, closing his eyes as Jade slowly moved up and down. The friction was absolutely delicious, as Adam struggled to maintain control over himself and not force Jade to move faster. He shifted his hips up, pushing himself deeper inside, and God, it was so hot, so tight. “Oh, Jade…go faster, please,” he pleaded.

Jade not only did not go faster, he slowed his pace down, grabbing Adam’s face and forcing him to look at him. “Look at me,” he panted, placing kisses all over Adam’s face. “Don’t close your eyes, I want to see you.”

Adam moaned and looked up at him, grabbing a handful of Jade’s hair and kissing him. The sweat on their skin made them stick together, causing Adam’s temperature to rise. “Jade,” he whispered. He shuddered as he felt his balls start to tense, eyes fluttering closed again.

Jade grabbed him and forced him to look up. “Look at me,” he ordered. He smiled wickedly. “Do you want me to go faster?” Adam could only nod, and moaned again as Jade started to speed up. “Tell me how it feels, Adam,” he said.

“Jade,” he panted, raising his hips, shocks invading his entire body as Jade slid up and down. His nails dug into Jade’s hips, pushing him down further and further. “Jade,” he could only mutter, over and over again, like a mantra.

“Say it again.”

“Jade…”

“Again.”

“Jade…”

With a smile, Jade lifted himself up so he was only on a fraction of Adam’s cock, which caused Adam’s eyes to fly open. “Scream it!” he yelled as he impaled himself back down again in one quick, fluid motion.

“Jade!”


7. Blackout

Don’t grow up too fast
And don’t embrace the past
This life’s too good to last
And I’m too young to care


The moment he walked in the door, Jade knew he was in for it. This was the fourth day in a row he had come home after curfew, and he knew his parents wouldn’t forgive him this time. Sure enough, his mother had been waiting for him at the door, in her robe, glaring at him as soon as he shut the door. “Where have you been?” she demanded.

“With Adam,” he answered softly.

“With Adam.” His mother stared at him for a moment, her lips pursed in a straight line. “I don’t want you to see him so much, Jade. He’s obviously not a good influence on you.”

“But Mom-”

“I mean it. You’re grounded until further notice.”

Jade’s eyes widened. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can! I’m your mother. What did you expect, Jade? You’re out at all hours of the night, with Adam Carson, and don’t think I don’t know about that boy’s reputation!”

Jade shook his head. “You’re wrong about him,” he insisted. “He’s really nice, and smart, and…and...”

Jade’s mother slowly turned to look at him, but instead of the anger he expected to be there, he only saw concern. “Oh, Jade. Honey, don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Sometimes…sometimes things don’t work out. Especially when you’re young,” she told him.

That might have been true. But when he was woken up that night by rocks being thrown at his window, he knew his mother was wrong about Adam. They were going to be together forever.


8. Butterflies And Hurricanes

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called
Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead


Adam was seriously about to throw up. There were so many people in the studio, and he still couldn’t believe that MTV had asked them to perform at the New Year’s show, and he still couldn’t believe how fast the year had gone. It had been a great year; December underground had debuted at number one, they were selling out arenas, everyone wanted a part of them. Yet the year had terrified Adam. He thought he had been ready for stardom, but as he stood on the stage, listening to Davey talk to the interviewer, he realized how wrong he had been.

Without even realizing it, he had grabbed Jade’s hand and just held onto it. He let out the breath he had been holding as Jade squeezed his hand, and they looked at each other. This was only the beginning of the roller coaster ride. It was only going to become harder and more grueling. Yet as Jade smiled at him, his heart fluttered, and Adam knew that as long as he had Jade, everything was going to be okay.


9. Endlessly

Hopelessly, I’ll love you endlessly, hopelessly
I’ll give you everything, but I won’t give you up
I won’t let you down, I won’t leave you falling
If the moment ever comes


They stood next to each other, holding each other’s hands, staring at each other as the music blared and their friends danced around them. Adam had never looked so handsome, his suit black and pressed, his tie matching the color of his eyes. He smiled at Jade, full of warmth and love and comfort, and squeezed his hand.

“Pictures! I need pictures!” Davey announced. He bounced over to them, batting his eyes flirtatiously, camera in hand. “Come on, pose for me,” he pleaded. He grinned as Adam put his arm around Jade, and took the picture. He cooed as he checked the picture, looking up at them. “Oh God. You two are adorable. I’m so happy for you, really.”

As soon as he walked over to them, Davey was off, presumably to take pictures of Smith and Hunter, who were fighting over which song to play next. Adam shook his head, looking over at Jade. “I think he might be more excited than we are,” he said.

“Doubtful,” Jade replied. He paused as the DJ announced that the next song was a special request for the happy couple, and smiled up at Adam, holding out his hand. “I believe that’s our cue, darling.”

Adam took his hand and let Jade lead him out to the dance floor. He put his arms around Jade and swayed to the music, rubbing his thumb against Jade’s. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Jade looked up at him. “For what?”

“For just being you. And for not making me take your last name.”

“I like Puget-Carson better anyway.” They continued to dance in silence for a moment, unaware that everyone else in the reception hall was cooing and taking pictures of them. Jade sighed against Adam’s chest. “I love you, Adam.”

“I love you, too. Endlessly.”


10. Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

I know you’re in this room, I’m sure I heard you sigh
Floating in between where our worlds collide
It scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see


The room was cold and sterile, the sound of the machines making a steady rhythm, but Adam could feel nothing. He was only consumed by one thought, one question that he hadn’t been able to find the answer to for the past thirty years. When he was finally gone, gone and buried in the earth, what was going to happen? Where was he going to go?

Adam didn’t believe in God. He had stopped believing in God thirty years ago, when the cruelest of fates had taken the love of his life away from him. It shouldn’t have happened; Jade was straight-edge, and lived a good, clean life. He never drank, never took drugs, hardly ever took any medicine. He had to have been feeling like shit to take medicine, which was rare. Yet the one time he did take medicine, it had killed him. Unforeseen allergic reaction. There had been no way knowing, Adam had been told. It was an accident. Nothing could have been done. It was obviously Jade’s time to go.

Adam had not been as virtuous as Jade. He drank and smoke, and took poor care of himself. And he just couldn’t believe in a God that would take someone as pure as Jade, and let someone as tainted as Adam live a long life.

But now, as he laid in bed, hooked up to a variety of machines and drips to keep him alive, he had to wonder about his beliefs and what they now meant. The cancer had reached a point where all they could was make Adam as comfortable as possible until the end, and now he had no idea what time it was, what day it was, whether or not what he saw was real or a figment of his imagination. He wondered how long it would be. He wondered if it would be fast, or if it would be slow. Most of all, he wondered, would Jade be there? Would Jade welcome him with open arms? Or would there be absolute nothingness? No Jade, no anything?

Adam didn‘t know. He had never been able to figure out why Jade had been taken from him, and now he was just waiting. He just didn’t know, and it scared him. He wondered if Jade had been scared, too. He wondered if Jade was looking at him right now, waiting for Adam so he could take his hand, or if Jade, too, was nothing now, but a memory in Adam’s mind.

Sometimes, late at night, he used to think he could hear Jade’s voice, and wondered if Jade was trying to talk to him, but he knew it was just the wind. Sometimes he could feel the bed sheets moving, as if Jade was crawling into bed with him, but he knew it was just his mind playing tricks. Sometimes he thought he could see Jade, wandering down the hallways, peeking in the bedrooms as if he couldn’t find Adam, but he knew it was just shadows on the wall. Jade was gone, had been gone for thirty years, and he hadn’t come back.

Adam closed his eyes for a moment, trying to will the tears away. He could hear the sounds of the doctors rushing in, screaming something about flat lining, but that didn’t matter anymore. He opened his eyes, and as if it were a miracle, he could see Jade standing in the doorway, the fringe of his hair covering one eye like it always did. “Jade?” he whispered.

He smiled at Adam, his eyes twinkling, and he nodded. “Soon,” he whispered, his voice fading like Adam‘s heartbeat. “Soon, my dear.”

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