Fic: An Open Letter To The One I Love
E-mail: violet147@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Just implied, unrequited boy on boy love.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Pairings: Davey/Jade
Summary: Davey is done.


I love you. I miss you. I don’t understand, you or your decisions and actions and how you came to the conclusion they were the right path.

I know you cannot take me anymore. I would apologize for being sad, but that would be apologizing for being the person I am, and I can’t do that. And yes, I am sad, but who told you that I couldn’t love? I am just like you, I can love fiercely and protectively and fully, in fact, I can do more than you are willing to.

You doubt me, you tell me I’m your friend, you don’t tell me what your reasons are. I’m forced to speculate. You don’t want to sleep with me. You don’t want anyone right now. You don’t say, and I’m forced to wonder. I tell myself you think I’m ugly to make myself feel better, to make myself think you’re just an asshole and I can’t change the way I look. I don’t want to tell myself the truth, but now I can’t deny it. I have to say it.

You’re afraid of me.

Which means that it IS me, despite your protests and the psycho babble bullshit. Which means that it IS something I can change, according to them. Which means you’re not just an asshole and I’m the innocent one here. It means that it’s really my fault, the reasons you can’t love me.

I don’t even know what to say anymore, so this is what I’m doing. Telling you that I know, without you saying a word. And while I can’t apologize for being who I am, I will say I’m sorry that I can’t understand, and I’m sorry you can’t either, and I’m sorry for the both of us.

I think it’s time to go, so here is the end. I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that even after today, I’ll still love you.

I don’t think anything will ever be able to stop that, even this.


Jade dropped the letter and could not move for a moment, his mind racing with horrible scenarios, and as if the auto pilot switch was hit, he ran out of the room and towards Davey’s. Don’t let him do anything stupid, Jade prayed to himself. Don’t let him do something we’ll regret.

“Davey!” Jade pounded on the door, his heart pounding right in tune with his hand. Please open the door, Davey, he pleaded. Don’t do this, don’t do this…Jade kept pounding and screaming for Davey to open the door, but there was only silence on the other side. “Davey! I’m opening the door!” he finally yelled.

The door opened rather easily, and all the lights were out, but Jade ran in anyway, not even stopping when he saw Davey, seemingly asleep in his bed. Jade walked over to the bed and started to shake Davey, hoping to God that Davey wasn’t TRULY sleeping. “Davey! Davey!”

“Nurr-“ Jade felt Davey put his hands on Jade’s arms, and thought he was going to cry with relief as he heard Davey clearing his voice. “Jade? What the hell-" Davey reached over and turned on the small lamp on the nightstand, squinting at Jade. “What are you doing?”

“Checking,” Jade answered. He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and searched around, looking for pill bottles. He picked up Davey’s razor and to his relief, there was nothing on it but shaving cream residue. He looked all around for something Davey could have tied together to make a noose, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. He walked out of the bathroom and checked the mini-fridge. Not a single bottle of alcohol had been touched, thankfully.

“Checking for what?” Davey asked, but Jade didn’t answer him, instead searching through Davey’s suitcases for any weapon of any sort. He took Davey’s pocket knife and examined it, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw it was completely clean. “What are you checking for?” Davey asked again.

“Lemme see your hands.”

“What?”

Jade walked over to Davey and grabbed his hands, forcing Davey’s wrists to face up. No marks, no slices, just clear, white skin. “Stand up and let me see you,” Jade ordered, letting go of Davey’s hands.

“What? It’s three thirty in the morning! What in the world are you doing?” Davey demanded, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“I read your letter.” Instantly Davey was awake, eyes wide and his face solemn, and he said nothing as Jade continued, a slight crack in his voice. “You said it was time to go,” he whispered.

Davey didn’t say anything, merely stared at Jade for the longest time, until finally, he sighed. “I’m fine, Jade. I was just asleep,” he said, voice low and calm.

“But-"

“Go to bed.”

Jade stared at him for a moment, but he knew he could not make Davey break. He turned around and walked out of the room, not knowing whether to be relieved that Davey was okay, or disappointed he didn’t have to save Davey. He had his hand on the doorknob when he heard another door click open, and he turned, seeing Davey standing in his doorway.

“Davey-"

“I’m done with you,” Davey announced, the determination set in his jaw. “And I just want you to know….”

“What?” Jade asked.

Davey took a deep breath, then smiled, halfway closing the door. "I would never kill myself over you.”

Click.


The high-rolling cats wanna pay for that ass.
This ain't floating my boat!
Home, Jones!


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