Fic: Meet Me In The Tower
E-mail: violet147@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13. Warnings: There be porn, and it be of the boy on boy variety. Also. Death.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Pairings: Adam/Davey
Summary: He was once the entire world. Now those he left behind have to rebuild the shattered pieces, and find a way to bury the one they had held so dear.
Notes: Song recommendation would be Meet Me In The Tower by Ours.

The sun glittered in the sky, beating down harshly against the dashboard, the heat illuminating throughout the entire car. His hands gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white, as the wind howled in his ears, cold against his cheek. He knew he should have rolled the window up, yet he felt as if his hands could not move from their spot. There was something oddly comforting about it, something that set his soul at ease. That was not an easy task to accomplish these days. He doubted he would ever achieve such a state again. He knew that now, the cold kiss of the wind was all he could expect on his skin.

There would be no more kisses again that could ever make him feel warm.

He pushed his sunglasses down over his eyes, his mind a whirlwind of thought and emotion. The sun would be setting soon; another chapter ending, and soon another one would begin. This was the cycle of life; he knew that the world did not stop at his beck and call, he knew that rotation and revolution would continue as it always had, even though everything he had known and cherished was no more. He let out a sigh, the movement cutting through his body like a knife, a hot, searing knife, tearing at his insides and leaving nothing but wounds that stung. To any person who passed him on the road, he looked like a normal passenger, yet if they looked closely, he knew they could see him for what he really was; the walking wounded. He was sure the open hole inside of him could be visible, if someone just looked closely enough for it.

There was only one person who would have taken that time. Only one person who would have looked at his wounds and kissed them, healing them with one touch.

No more.

"Hi there!” He could hear that voice, from so many years ago, so childish and full of promise, ringing in his ears. He let out another sigh as he closed his eyes for a moment, seeing that fateful day in his mind all over again. Staring at the boy with eyes as dark as the night sky, with a smile that could light the fire inside of anyone. Remembering how that boy had looked at him, his voice bright, yet fidgeting, as if waiting for rejection. He knew now that there had been no way he could ever possibly reject that bright ray of light, that endless ball of energy, the boy who would end up becoming his heart, his soul, his inspiration, his blood. “Can I catch a ride? I think my mom forgot about practice again. I’m Davey, by the way.”

Davey. The name would become his salvation. The boy would become his life. The boy would grow into a man, and that man would become everything good in his world, everything terrible, pain and passion, struggle and triumph, the sun and the moon, change and stability. There were no words to accurately just how he felt, except for one. Davey.

He opened his eyes, wishing he could turn his mind off. He knew that his memories would be the death of him, if he let it. He knew that Davey wouldn’t want this. Davey wouldn’t want the memories of what they shared to destroy him, to make him hollow, to turn him into a shell of the man he used to be. Davey would want him to take the lessons they had learned, cherish them, to remember all they did and smile. To remember all they said to each other, all the things they saw together, and use that to rebuild his shattered life. Yet how could he, when the foundation he had built his life upon had been swept away by a single action?

He knew that his life was going to have to be his own now. No more thinking of the past. No more wishing that things could have been different. The song on the CD player switched, to an old Social Distortion song, and yet his mind wandered again, to another time, when Davey was trying to find himself amid a sea of mediocrity, and he was just along for the ride, holding on for dear life in the storm that would become Davey. “One day, I’m going to be up on that stage.” He could still hear the soft sigh, the breathlessness inspired by the innocence of a young dream, the sparkle in Davey’s eyes as he imagined his future beyond their tiny little town. He remembered how Davey had turned to face him, a smile on his face. “Will you be up there with me?” he asked.

Yes. He would be there, front row and center, for the transformation of that little boy with the gangly legs into the radiant, fierce force of nature that Davey became. He watched from the sidelines at first, his heart swelling with pride as each day passed and Davey grew stronger, started to shine brighter, until finally like a supernova, he blazed through life, illuminating all that he passed. Yet the pride had faded, until he was left with a hollow feeling, doubt and uncertainty tainting what had once been so beautiful and pure.

He had made the mistake of believing that Davey had outgrown him. That he was too small for Davey, who deserved the world on a silver platter, and had the confidence now to find it on his own. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes as he thought of the day when he finally told Davey all of this. He could remember the way Davey’s face had fallen, his eyes wide with pain, as he lashed into Davey, accusing him of things that he hadn’t truly believed, but had said in an attempt to ease his own guilt. “I don’t even know what to say to you.” He bit his lip to hold back a sob as he heard the pain in Davey’s voice, and it was almost as if Davey was sitting next to him now, repeating the words back to him. “I can’t tell you how hurt I am right now. How CRUSHED I am. How much you’ve hurt me by saying that.”

He wiped at his eyes, trying to close his mind off, trying to shut down his heart at the memory. He had forgotten that while Davey looked invincible, like a great tower of strength, really, Davey was soft inside, vulnerable, easily wounded. That the makeup was a mask, the rock star persona just that, and deep inside, he was still Davey, all heart, all emotion. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to forgive himself for hurting the person he loved most, even though Davey himself had managed to do it. He went to Davey one night, months afterward, sitting at Davey’s feet, pleading with him to understand, to forgive. He could feel himself shaking as he could almost feel Davey’s hands on his face, tilting it up so they could look each other in the eye, could almost feel the adoration in Davey’s eyes, seeping into his skin. “There’s nothing to forgive. But just know. I’ll never leave you.” He could feel the ghost of Davey’s lips against his own, the words chilling to him to the bone. “You’re deep inside of me. In a tower I’ve created in my heart. That only you reside in, no matter how many people come into my life. I’ll protect your place, as long as you can protect mine in yours.”

Davey always had the most beautiful, heart-wrenching way with words, and he had no doubt that in Davey’s mind, he truly had created that tower. He knew now that he had done the same thing, had placed Davey deep inside of him, fiercely protecting that place, refusing to let it die. They were stronger after that day, and he could feel his love turning into something more, evolving into something that went beyond the limitations of friendship and companionship. It was a complete need. If he couldn’t see that smile, couldn’t hear those words, couldn’t feel those hands, he would lose all ability to breathe and he would asphyxiate. He had known that it would be possible, for his feelings to evolve in such a way, and had known that he wouldn’t be able to hide it for long. He could still hear the rushed confession, the urgency of his own voice as he silently pleaded for Davey to understand, to feel the same way, as he hoped and prayed for Davey to return even a fraction of his love.

He switched the radio off so he could hear Davey’s words, soft, gentle, even as they broke him in half. “I can’t.” He could still hear the sorrow in Davey’s voice, could almost feel it sinking into the upholstery of the car itself. “I wish I could. God…do you know much I wish I could?” He never wanted to believe that Davey could rip someone apart with his words, let alone him. He knew that he could say nothing to change Davey’s mind. His only course of action after that day was to retreat into his own tower, away from Davey, away from his love, away from the world, so he could attempt to lick his wounds.

The tower became a fortress, and nothing was allowed entrance. The walls became too high, too thick, too covered in thorns for anyone to even dare try. Yet Davey did. Even after that day, he came to Adam often, as if he were holding the shattered pieces of his heart, offering to repair it, free of charge. Yet not even Davey, in all of his glory, could fix something with edges so sharp. “Sometimes I wonder where you are.” He could hear the resigned pain in Davey’s voice even now, all around him, echoing inside the deep walls that he had encased his heart in. “I’m still here. I’ll always be here. And one day, I’ll be ready. Just have faith in me.”

Faith. A funny word. Something that could easily be misplaced, too. He had misplaced his faith in himself, in Davey, in the strength of their bond, until it was too late. Now it was shattered beyond repair. Too late, he had realized what he had done, and just when he had been ready to tear the walls down and let Davey back inside, the opportunity had passed, and there would be no more to be had.

Like his faith, Davey was gone now.

And the tower inside his heart would forever remain untouched.

He turned the car off, sitting for a moment, just listening to the sounds of the crickets chirping, the soft rustling of the grass in the wind. He swore if he listened hard enough, he could still hear the sound of his phone ringing on that fateful day, at two in the morning. While the rest of the world slept, two AM was always the moment in which Davey shined the brightest; a star gleaming against the black sky. “I know it’s late, but I need to see you.” As he stepped out of the car, he could still hear the sound of Davey’s voice, an echo against the wind. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But I’m ready now. I can do this now. Okay? Can I come over?”

He took a deep breath, surveying the emptiness of the field. The grass looked as if it hadn’t been cut in a long while, and tickled softly against his knees. The sun was setting to his right, an intense mix of purples and pinks, violently painted across the sky. The wind had taken on a chill that he could feel to the very core of his bones, much like all the hope he had once had inside of him. Davey had taken all that hope with him when he left, and there was no hope of rebirth or salvation, for either his hope or himself. He put his hands in his pockets, watching as the sun sank further into the sky, closing his eyes and seeing that night as if it were a movie, playing back in slow motion. He had waited for hours for Davey to come, fell asleep in a chair by the window, watching and waiting for Davey’s car to show up. But it never had.

“About time.” He could feel his heart leap into his throat at the sound of that voice, the gentle rolling of the letters threatening to set him aflame as they once had before. He kept his eyes closed, scarcely believing that this was real, that he was actually hearing the sound he thought he would never hear again. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come.”

“I always came. You’re the one who didn’t,” he whispered.

He could feel the soft sigh, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. If he concentrated hard enough, he swore he could feel a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you.”

He tried to hold back a sob, placing his hand to his mouth to muffle the sound. “I…I…”

He could feel hands on his face now, and slowly he opened his eyes, to see Davey staring at him, smiling at him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered.

Finally he couldn’t help himself, and a sob tore from deep within, the anguish filling the air like a poison. “Davey…”

“Adam.” Davey leaned forward, leaning his forehead against Adam’s. He placed a kiss on Adam’s cheek, his lips warming all of Adam’s insides. “Don’t cry. It’s okay.”

Adam looked up at him, tears brimming his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Davey nodded. “I’m alright. It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he answered. He started to stroke Adam’s cheek, Adam leaning into the touch, putting his hands on Davey’s arms, desperate to feel him again, one last time. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. I tried. I really did.”

“I know,” Adam managed to choke out. “I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

Davey smiled, tilting his head, staring at Adam in a way that only he could. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he whispered. He started to thread his fingers through Adam’s hair, holding him firmly while Adam’s body shook from the tears. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m not,” Adam whispered. “I’m so lost. Stranded. Stuck.”

“Ssh,” Davey placed a hand on the back of Adam’s neck. “Don’t run back into that tower. Please, Adam. You’ve lost so much already. Don’t lose yourself in that place again.”

Adam was quiet for a moment, just admiring the curve of Davey’s face, the softness of his skin, the light in his eyes. Tentatively, he reached out, stroking Davey’s cheek. “Are you even here?” he murmured.

“Well. Technically, no,” Davey replied. Adam couldn’t help but laugh, relishing in hearing Davey’s dry, sarcastic sense of humor one more time. Davey grinned at him for a moment, the smile fading until finally, his face was serious again. “I’m as real as you make me. As real as you see me. Remember that cheesy shit about how people don’t ever really go away, as long as you keep them alive in your heart? It’s actually true. As long as I’m in there…” he trailed off, placing his hand flat against Adam’s chest. “…I’m still alive. As long as you protect my place inside there.”

“Always,” Adam whispered, staring at Davey, closing his eyes at the feel of the soft strands on Davey’s head. “Even when I was hiding from you, I was still protecting it.”

“I know. Adam. Look at me.” Adam opened his eyes, shaking as Davey placed his hands on Adam’s face. “That day…when you told me…I wasn’t ready. That’s why I said that to you. I knew I wasn’t ready for you, so I told you to wait. It took me a long time to get to that point, but by the end?” He leaned forward, their lips now just inches from each other. “I was ready for you.”

Adam closed his eyes, shivering at the feel of Davey’s lips, so close to his own. They were close enough now that he could feel Davey’s breath on his skin, could feel Davey’s body yielding to his own, and this was exactly how it should have been, if things were different. Yet Adam knew this couldn’t last; he knew it was just a beautiful, fantastic dream. “I know. Thank you. For being so patient. For giving me what you could, when you could.”

“You have to let go,” Davey whispered. Adam looked up at him, his heart breaking as he watched the tears well up in Davey’s eyes. “Please, Adam. You have to bury me. You’ll never live if you don’t.”

“Davey-”

“No.” Davey bit his lip, taking a deep breath, as if to compose himself. “It hurts so much to say that. But it’s true. Protect my place, but bury me, please. We have to play the hand we’re dealt. I have to fade away, and you have to live.” He looked up at Adam, the tears falling now. “I wanted it to be different. But it can’t be. Please. Just…”

Before they knew it, they were both clinging to each other, the tears falling for what could have been, what SHOULD have been. Adam knew that this was it; here was the moment where he would say goodbye to his entire world, his entire reason for breathing. He found that he was speechless, only caring to remember the feel of Davey in his arms, the sound of Davey’s heart beating, the feel of their bodies coming together and clicking one final time. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you. COMPLETELY.” Davey looked up at him, pressing a soft kiss to Adam’s lips. It was the barest of touches, yet Adam felt like the world was going to open up, and he was going to be swallowed whole, just by that one kiss alone. “I wanted you to know that before I go. That it wasn’t just friendship. Or a brotherly love. It was complete. Whole.”

Finally, for the first time in years, since Davey had been gone, Adam felt as if he could breathe again. “I know.” He placed his hand on Davey’s chest, looking down at him. “Are you ready?” he asked.

Davey smiled, the eye crinkles that Adam had adored so fiercely showing up again. “Yeah. I think I am. I wonder what it’s going to be like. You know? If everything will really be all white and glowing.”

Adam laughed, shaking his head. “Davey. You never really change, do you?”

Davey smiled up at him. “Would you have me any other way?”

Adam shook his head. “Of course not.”

Davey stared at him for a moment, then smiled, turning away and starting to walk away. Adam could merely watch him, the realization that Davey was walking away for good not yet sinking into him. Without warning, Davey suddenly stopped and turned back towards Adam, rushing towards him. “One for the road won’t hurt, will it?” he asked, reaching Adam and grabbing him by the shoulders, leaning up and placing his lips against Adam’s.

Adam opened his mouth immediately, letting Davey push his tongue inside, as they held each other, exploring each other’s mouth, the electricity between them threatening to make Adam fall right there, on the spot. He moaned into Davey’s mouth, reaching up and placing his hand on Davey’s neck as Davey gripped his shoulders. He could taste the cherry lip balm that Davey used to always wear, his lips as soft as Adam remembered them to be, his tongue as hot as Adam imagined it would be. As each minute passed, Adam could feel the ache in his heart starting to lessen, could feel pain in his chest subsiding, could feel himself healing from underneath Davey’s hands, could feel himself, for the first time since he had gotten that terrible phone call informing him that Davey had been in a fatal head-on collision, becoming awash with love and comfort, trust and security, the guilt finally seeping out of his pores until finally, he knew he would be able to live again.

Yet even moments like this couldn’t last forever, and Adam soon found that his arms were empty, and no longer was there Davey, pressing his hot mouth to Adam’s. All he could feel was the chill of the wind, as the sun had finally set, and he was surrounded by darkness. He blinked, trying to adjust to the severity of the black sky, and found himself looking up, watching the stars as they shone brightly. If he looked hard enough, he swore he could see Davey’s smile, looking down upon him.

Finally, he managed to take a step, the grass crunching beneath his feet. As he walked over to the car, he could feel the tower he had created specifically for Davey, inside his heart, the doors closing as he tucked Davey safely inside. He knew that wherever Davey was now, he too, was locking up the tower inside he had built for Adam, tucking the key away for safe keeping.

One day, the doors would open again. But until then, Adam was ready to guard that place, until the day came that once again, they would be each other’s world again.

The high-rolling cats wanna pay for that ass.
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Home, Jones!

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