But behind my makeup my tears do fall.
I sit and ponder about my life
My poor darling hubby with me as his wife.
The depression and pain is now wearing thin
All of this cannot be fair on him.
And so on good days i'll try my best
But Endo rolls in, puts my life to the test.
I know there are others who feel just like me
But im surrounded by people who just dont see.
Im sure they assume im completely mad
one day happy and the next day sad.
one minute shopping or just having fun
The next minute my life is endo run.
pain rips through my sides and back
daily chores begin to slack.
To my bed I take to rest
crying "why me" with this endo pest.
I join in silence at our friends new joy
a beautiful girl a bouncing baby boy.
I watch the happiness at being a mum
And tears fill my eyes, will my day ever come.
And just when I think im back on track
Pain crashes in and the endo is back.
Thanks to kirsty..x.x.x
What do I see when I look in the Mirror?
A face pale & wracked in pain
What do I feel when I stand on my feet?
Sharp agonising pain
How do I feel when I am house bound once again?
Sadness & bitterness, cheated & robbed
But I take a second look in that mirror & what do I see?
Two eyes shining & full of hope.
What do I feel once I have taken the first few steps?
A mind which adapts to the pain
How do I feel once I have accepted my closure?
Glad to be alive & determination to make the best of this life
Why should I lie down & endure this pain
I may not be as active as I once was
I may have little spring in my step
I may have to gingerly climb out of bed
I may not be able to run through the park
I may not be able to go to work
I may have to postpone so much
Put off what I want to do till a better day
Each day is a battle to accept my limitations
Each day becomes a battle to fight off the pain
Some days I feel a failure
Some days I feel frustrated because I cant
Some days I cry with anger of the life experience Endo has robbed from me
Some days I feel like I am tired of this battle
There has been points I feel I have no strength, no fight
But as long as I have breath in my lungs
As long as I have willpower
As long as their is treatments & remedies I have not yet tried
As long as I have the love of Paul
I shall fight, fight, fight
I shall read all I can & learn
I shall endure the brutality of surgery
I shall muddle through the emotional roller-coaster of drugs
I shall find the money for new therapies
In hope & anticipation
that one day I will be without pain
that one day I will be rid of this disease
that one day I will be endometriosis free
Fight the good fight sisters
Don't ever give up
We only have one shot at life
Thanks Tina.x x x
I have in my head this poem to write,
You might think it silly; you might think it tripe,
But don’t pass judgement until you have read,
As I am giving you some access to things in my head.
What do you see when you look at me?
A happy and friendly person is all you see,
I look back at you and what do I see?
A loving mother, not something I will ever be.
You smile and nod in all the right places,
But all you are seeing is one of my faces,
I paint it on before I go out,
The laugh on my lips, the smile and the pout.
What you don’t see is the tears that I shed,
To the innocent remark that you have just said,
“Soon it will be you. Are you trying?”
The tears in my heart, which is silently crying.
I am happy to see your eyes full of love,
The family you have, that fits like a glove,
I may never be a mother, but one things for sure,
The love of my husband is totally pure.
I will sometimes be unhappy I will sometimes be down,
Wearing a big sad face with a big huge frown,
But I still count my blessings, for as you will see,
Because of nieces and nephews I will always be an Auntie!
So now what do you see when you look at me?
Does it make you think? Does it make you see?
I will always have my problems that you will never see,
But always remember there is people worse off than me.
The sun sometimes shines, it sometimes rains,
Our lives are not different, but neither the same,
Our paths may cross from time to time,
But you live your life and I will live mine.
Thank you Lynne x x x
When I look back on the things i have done,
I have a wonderful husband and beautiful son,
I cant give my husband the love he would like,
Nor play with my son when he rides on his bike.
When my son looks back on the things he has done,
He thinks of his mummy and all the opps she's had done,
She has a bad tummy and has to rest,
Thats how he remembers mum best.
When my husband looks back on the things he has done,
He remembers the times when we use to have fun,
He has to be strong and be my saviour,
Put up with my moods and my odd behaviour.
So to sum it all up when we all look back,
The smiles and the fun are what we all lack,
This awful thing is eating me away,
But for my families sake im gunna beat it someday.
Mandy xxx