| vronsky69 |
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| fists of thunder! wrists of steel! have you got what it takes? |
| 24-7 wankathon! |
| What's new? 02.06.08 |
| Uncle Vronsky 's Guide to Virtual Dating Finally, someone you can trust! Chapter One: Gay AI "So who logged off and made you the reigning expert on virtual dating?" you may be asking. Let's get one thing straight, right off the bat. I'm the one asking the questions around here. So you've had it rough. Join the club, Mary. Can't stand the heat? Get out of the kitchen. I guess by now you've realized that "gay" is an ironic epithet. So's "queer". There's nothing more banal than homosexuality. It doesn't take a great deal of imagination to suck a cock -- I mean they're dangling right there at snout-level, aren't they? -- and the amount of imagination it takes diminishes dramatically per cock. It didn't take a rocket scientist to invent buggery, either (although rumor has it he had a BA from the University of Michigan). The whole thing is totally self-evident, girls. So where all that's concerned, stop thinking you're so special. |
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| you're visitor No. |
| Now, wanking is OK as far as it goes, but no one likes to wank alone all the time. That’s why the web is interactive, so you can meet other wankers like yourself. You’re beginning to see the logic of it, I bet. Put aside for now your fears that maybe the whole thing is a big conspiracy involving the FBI, the CIA, Al Gore and the Illuminati. The same people who brought you The Kennedy Assassination, LSD, and The Pill. Never mind all that. Don’t think, just wank! |
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| nuts you can trust |
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| Got a question? Ask uncle vronsky! |
| Planning an ORGY? Need some group sex tips? Check out Uncle Vronsky 's Guide to Orgy Etiquette! |
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| The real question is who the hell are you? But, not to worry, it's a rhetorical one. The fact is, here you are, looking for love in all the wrong places, and here's Uncle Vronsky to tell you all the right ones. Gratis. For free, in other words. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth! My qualifications? Mighty balls and a mind-bogglingly big dick. And size still matters, whether you measure it in inches, pounds, or gigabytes. So listen up! |
| The Basics Are you horny all the time? YOU ARE NOT ALONE! In fact that's the whole raison d'etre of the world wide wank...erm, web. Plug in your modem and that old hunk of crap hooked up to a cathode tube is transformed, as if by magic, into a masturbation aid the power of which the world has never known! And when that java spunk-generator kicks in WATCH OUT! |
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| I've still got that raging Johnny Rahm fetish. If anyone has pics of Johnny, send 'em my way. |
| I am building a Johnny Rahm shrine, and it's about goddamn time somebody did. So, if you've got any info on him of any kind, I'd appreciate that, too. |
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The first thing you’ll notice when you log on to any gay site is that, lo and behold, just like in real life there’s an astounding number of geezers floating around out there in cyberspace! Don't get me wrong, everybody has his place in the food chain! The gay world is like a delicate ecosystem. Everybody knows you can't have pretty flowers without plenty of fertilizer. |
| Now, people are pretty tricky. That’s how they’ve managed to survive up to now, I reckon. I mean cockroaches have a shell and scurry about in the dark. That’s their method. But since people don’t have shells and can’t see so well at night, they have had to resort to trickery to manage. They’re so tricky, in fact, that they’ve managed to sidestep natural selection, which very obviously doesn’t work anymore, but in a few select cases (like yours and mine). And among people, women and queers are trickier than regular blokes. Between women and queers, queers are probably trickier. To paraphrase Nietzsche: “Suppose Truth were a poofter, what then?” The point, in case you’ve been dozing off back there in the back, is that... People are tricky Now, there are three types to watch out for on the web. Those who haven’t got any pictures posted. What century is it again? Did you hear, nowadays we have these new-fangled pitcher-makin’ thingamabobs! Do you really want to date some Rip Van Winkle who apparently just came down from the mountains in his horse and buggy and hasn’t ever seen a camera? Or maybe he’s afraid that if someone takes a snapshot of him they’ll steal his gnarled-up old soul? What on earth would they do with it? Use it as a doorstop, likely. Whatever the case, stick to the old rule: No pic, no dick. |
| Those who post pictures of someone incredibly gorgeous who looks uncannily familiar. It’s hard to believe, but people actually do it. Either that or I just blew off Blake Harper. Do you think he’ll forgive me? Blake! If you’re out there, give me a sign! Yes, you think you’re getting Prince Harry but you find in reality you’re dealing with Sir Elton, the weepy old cow. Well, we are not amused. Remember, sir Elton, IDENTITY THEFT IS A CRIME! |
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