VERBOSITY DOES NOT REPLACE VIVIDS. USE DIRECT STATEMENTS, NOT TIME-WASTING PHRASES SUCH AS THESE:
"THESE ARE . . . "
"THAT WAS . . . "
"THAT'S HOW . . ."
"NOW I WILL TELL YOU . . ."
"THE THREE THINGS ARE . . ."
"THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY . . ."
NOT
Anne has to make a decision to stay . . . ."
BUT
Anne decides to stay . . . "
NOT
"They all had a love for something."
BUT
"They all loved something."
NOT
"That was our five paragraph essay on the things Jeremiah,
Rudi, and Anne had in common."
BUT
"Jeremiah, Rudi, and Anne had much in common."
OR
"Jeremiah, Rudi, and Anne were alike in many ways."
"Anne had to overcome the difficulties of adolescence and become a happy and successful young woman." HOW? WHAT DIFFICULTIES? BE SPECIFIC!!!!!