It has been close to 32 years since man first set foot on the moon. Since then, we have seen an incredible advance in technology. There are now sattelites which are capable of reading the labels on your clothing as well as men living in space aboard space stations. Cameras have been sent to distant planets to bring back photographs and even robotic cars have traveled the surface of Mars. It is amazing how advanced this society has become in the past 32 years. Here on this planet, we have seen the development of the Microwave, making it easy to be a single male. Cars are now equipped with Global Positioning Systems so you do not get lost, and every teenage girl driving one can be seen on a cell phone just to get the latest gossip as well as sale prices on jeans at The Limited. So why is it that I cannot take a shower without living in fear of the water going from comfortable to unbearably frigid?
Somewhere between the invention of the automobile and the internet, this country began to take showers over baths. And in all this time, am I to believe there has not been one shower where the water was comfortable from start to finish? It certainly is that way to me. Is it the hygiene Gods punishing me for skipping the ocassional shower when I am too hung over to even go to the bathroom, or am I taking showers during someone's rinse cycle each and every time?
If it has never happened to you this way, you are lucky. Imagine yourself, you are pretty tired because you stayed up to watch Howard Stern, you have the water temperature just right so you flip the shower lever. Standing there, you think to yourself that this is going to be the only good thing about your day when, suddenly, the water becomes colder than your ex-girlfriend's heart. Amidst a cloud of obsenities that were never meant to be uttered before sunrise, you scramble to adjust the knobs and slow your racing heart. Your morning has been ruined. And if this water tragedy does not happen immediately, it will when you have the shampoo in your hair. Such an incident is just enough to persuade you back under your still warm covers and call it a day. If only it were that easy.
It is to a point where I would gladly hire a midget to stand there and regulate my water temperature. Male or female, I don't care who sees my naked body, just as long as I can experience my first consistently hot shower in my 24 years. Im not sure how many showers that covers. Considering I probably started taking showers over baths at 8, and I take a shower every day, sometimes twice, that's quite a few showers. I think I am due for one nice shower. Don't you? |
