just suddenly thought of what joel told me some tims ago, if I'm felt that way, the other one must be feeling like crap? forgot the exact words anyway. but yeah, gah, its not like I can't understand to be feeling almost as bad right? oh well, whats past is past. even conversations.
so many promises made, what to do? I'll quite give in to almost any girl really, hahaz. but thn again thats not really the point. yeap, new year, not gonna ruin it any further. ganbatte.
I'm still trying my best now, trust me, or how can I trust myself ? uh...right.well, this is me typing whilst in my most normal mind now at least. cheers...
new year's so far wasn't exactly fun, so not gonna post abt it. what a way to start a year..
at this moment, now, instead of getting paranoid, I'm trying to freeze dry my mind to a deep numb, not gonna care for the world. at this moment, if any of you inform me that you want me out of your life, I'll even try my best to disappear. my feelings for anything are temporarily numb now, not sure about tomorrow onwards or whot, but yea, right now.
I was so sure I wouldn't hate anyone before, now I'm trying my best not to ever hate. my faith in myself wavers continually.
meh, and so many people are ignoring me now for god know's whot, even lucify gazette!? wtf??
HEY
man, I've not been going everywhere to read recently, but yea, seen something, don't know if its just me being paranoid or whot. but just wanna say what I want to, NOW.
keke, dunno if I'm left out in the dark about some people knowing stuff that I don't know they know, but yeah, what happened happened, even I can't control that. I made a promise, I'll keep to it, though sometimes I overdo stuff in my actions unknowingly? even I'm not sure about that myself. I admit I'm the draggy sort who can't really say get over even after a certain period of time, but I'm trying my best while still trying to be in that family. I really like being around all of you guys. please understand for once, this is the first request I'm giving. though I'm not sure even if this message will be read.
I'll be behind you all, all the way, I'll just be the best brother I can be. just that, my god. sigh.
if you all don't believe in me, then I really...don't know. my head's bursting now. god! help..
kay, cleaned my room up for abit, online, sgcafe, the wolfpack thread's become dull for abit at least on weekends now, argh. nothing much happened today. went to grandpa's coffeeshop for dinner with family...haix, typing that out suddenly makes me miss having dinner with our yamamoto family hahaz...
whats up next? needa meet up with marcus and macius soon, get back sleeping bag from marcus then. needa meet up with tenma and kuro bro soon, needa go tenma's hse soon to return his friend's blazer and burn a vid I want from him. needa go post office soon also(maybe tmr? dunno). what else?? had planned stuff with classmates before, not sure when carrying out. had thought of going around various places to take pics for something as well.
meh, damn parents still trying to tell me off, say whot if keep going out, just move out and don't come back, you think I don't want to? its just I still prefer the current convenience of getting $$ from you asses *laughes* like damn unfilial hahaz oh well.
this day's been damn melancholic, sigh. its like the chunk of happiness in me's gone or something. jie wei's gonna fly to hongkong in 2 days for..a week?, and kuro may go for hols for 10 days in time. everybody's flying overseas...gah. eh? I just remembered I got another friend who went to study in australia, dunno if she's still studying there..oh well
and I wonder who still reads my blog nowadays. I dun think gp or raymond still does, jiewei and xinwei, dunno, I dun think jh does anymore, left...tenma? sis? god knows..nobody?