"So ..." Xander began, after he had spoken to his foreman about taking the morning off work. "What -?"

"Don't say it." Cordelia's tone took on a threatening edge. She fixed her eyes firmly on the road in front of them, seemingly intent on avoiding all conversation. Xander had seen her in these moods when they had been going out, and he knew that if he valued his life he should keep his big mouth shut.

They drove for a few moments before Cordelia broke the silence. "Don't even think it."

"What?" Xander asked incredulously before protesting. "I'm not!"

"Yes. You are." Cordelia replied, gritting her teeth.

The engine purred along as Xander drove them along the deserted road to town. Finally he couldn't handle the deafening silence any longer. "So, I can't even think things now?"

"No." Cordelia kept her face resolutely away.

"I don't buy it Cordy." He turned off the main road into a smaller street, and Cordelia began to recognise familiar landmarks. Yep, she was definitely back in Sunnyhell again, where she hadn't - and didn't - belong.

Sensing no reaction, he plunged on. "You and Angel - I mean, I'm not judging or anything. No one's judging. People change; we've all changed. I mean, I'm sure even dead boy -"

"Don't call him that." Cordelia's response was automatic. "He has a name - use it." She continued ascerbicly, "Even if me and Angel were - like I need yours or anyone else from Sunnyhell's permission to - It's no one's business but ours, okay?"

"Ah ... okay." Xander was unnerved by the deadly defensiveness of her voice. "I wasn't ... what I mean is that, things have changed, I'm sure even Angel's changed -"

"Of course he has, dumb ass." She paused as they pulled onto the main street, the familiarity of the stores stealing her attention for a moment. "And you better believe it. He's nice now. He looks after everyone - me and Wes and Gunn and Fred. We're family." She paused and said somewhat mischievously, "Plus he's less boring, and way more spendy now which is, you know, nice." Cordelia couldn't suppress a secret grin at the thought of the bags and bags of clothes he had bought her a few months ago. More spendy was definitely nice.

"Well ... " Xander's voice trailed off as he expertly pulled into a vacant space, killing the engine. "I guess that's okay then. I just kinda had it in my head that you and Angel - well, you guys didn't exactly get along ... before. You know, we were kinda both in the 'Angel should die' club. It's a shock to even think you guys -"

"Yeah well, people change. He saved my life a lot which kinda made me like him again." A small smile crept on her face, one mirrored tentatively by Xander as they proceeded down the street. "Plus he gave me a job when I really needed one and always tries to cheer me up after one of my lame auditions and - did I mention saving my life a few zillion times? 'Cause that tends to make a guy grow on you, you know."

"Yeah I know what you mean - about how things change that is." She cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. "Not with dead - er, Angel - saving my life a few times. Even though he has and to tell the truth, I kinda don't really hate the guy any more. You know, at least not in a 'he should die a painful, horrible death' kinda way." He paused. "Life's too short."

"Finally." Cordelia said with an exaggerated air. "Things have changed. It looks like Xander Harris has grown up. I never thought I'd live long enough to see that happen."

"Yeah you better believe it." Xander grinned at her, an expression so familiar and boyish that she couldn't help grinning back. "I've got my own place now - not living in my parent's basement any more which is - well, you know how bad that place was. My foreman says I actually make a pretty good carpenter so maybe I can start my own business some day. Plus you know, me and Anya ... marrying an ex-demon here." He paused before adding quietly, "Not one to be judgment boy any more."

Cordelia's hands went to her mouth in horror. "Oh God - I forgot Xander. I mean I remember Willow mentioning it, but with all the badness - I was so happy for you, and -" Her demeanour transformed into one of brilliant warmth. Her steps stilled and her sincere hazel eyes met his puzzled dark ones. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Cordy." He sounded pleased and genuinely surprised. He was once again caught off guard by the rapid pace of Cordelia's change in emotion, and wondered at how he had kept up with it before.

Shaking his head and smiling off serious thoughts of growing up and change, he entered the Espresso Pump with Cordelia in tow, filling her in about all things Sunnydale.

* * *

Cordelia giggled into her latte as Xander snorted cappuccino through his nose, his expression one of disbelief. They had been filling each other in on what they had been up to the last couple of years, sitting at a table on the sidewalk as a comfortable breeze soothed the morning heat of the Southern Californian sun.

"You bought him what?!" Xander asked incredulously, trying to keep from spewing the rest of his coffee out of his mouth.

"Yeah." Cordelia mercilessly continued, giggling insanely. "It was just after his apartment was blown up by this evil law firm - anyway I wanted to cheer him up, and what better way to cheer someone up than by restocking their depleted and depressing black on black wardrobe? I mean, I totally appreciated the clothes he bought for me. How was I to know that he didn't like Superman boxers? I mean they were silk - and they were on sale!" She exclaimed before rolling on. "Then there was the time when we kinda got drunk - well, he got drunk and I got way drunk - and he started singing worse than usual." Cordelia chortled at the memory. "I mean really singing - did you know Angel knows Mandy and Copacabana off by heart? I didn't. And then he did Stairway to Heaven, and then all the numbers from Grease, and then Memory - which nearly made me pass out what with all the high notes and um, general notes that he wasn't hitting - and also the image of Angel acting all Streisandy. And then -"

Xander finally exploded, spewing more quality caffeine out of his nostrils. He grabbed his sides but couldn't stop peal after peal of laughter exploding out of his shaking frame.

"Ew." Cordelia scrunched her nose in mock disgust as Xander wiped the tears rolling out of his eyes. She tossed a tissue at him which hit him squarely in the face. "You're so gross Xander."

"I'm the King of Cretins." He chirped, his voice wavering from barely controlled laughter. It took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "You know CC, I don't think we've ever had this much fun together. I mean -"

"I know what you mean." She cut him off, suddenly quiet. Thinking of her time with Xander and all the badness that had gone with it didn't really hurt all that much any more, but she still didn't like being reminded of the person she once was - the Queen C of Sunnydale High that no one really liked, that no one really cared about. It was maybe one of the reasons why she had been so unenthusiastic about returning to town.

"This is nice. I guess we ... we never were friends when we went out. And maybe not after that either - at least, not until you bought me that dress for the Prom. Which was really nice of you, by the way."

He smiled. "Speaking of the Prom - how's Wesley? How's he doing in L.A anyway?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes at Xander's less than subtle reminder of her past infatuation. "Huh. He's great. Would you believe he goes out on more dates than I do?"

"No." Xander shook his head in mock disbelief, his dark eyes twinkling. "The world is indeed an unfair place."

"Tell me about it." Cordelia smiled at him in semi-serious agreement. "I mean in a fair world, I'd be beautiful, rich, famous and have a to-die-for hottie hanging off my every word - buying me clothes and taking me on shopping trips to Europe." She looked down at her frothing latte suddenly and almost sighed. "And saving the helpless of course. Can't forget those helpless."

"Hey." Xander's voice broke her contemplation of her latte. "You're still beautiful CC. Okay, I've got to revise that and say you're still really beautiful. And forgetting the rich and famous part - because I'm sure you'll get there - from what Will says you're helping kick demon butt and saving humanity which is always great. And on the upside, you're alive and healthy. That's always of the good."

Cordelia smiled ruefully. "When did you learn to talk so well?"

"I am a man of many talents." He grinned cheekily at her.

She smiled in spite of herself. "And also a man of incredibly bad taste. Do you still -" Cordelia suddenly grabbed her head, an intense pain ripping through her brain and momentarily blinding her before dissipating as quickly as it came. She blinked a few times as her mind cleared while Xander looked on, concern welling in the pools of his eyes.

"Cordy, what's wrong? Is it a vision?"

"No." It was all Cordelia could rasp out for a second before taking a few more breaths to calm herself. "If it was a vision I'd be on the floor, crying out from the mind-numbing pain, frothing at the mouth and throwing up inside my head." She gasped as another whisper of pain raced through her brain. "Vision aftermath. Nothing to worry about."

Xander had been about to laugh at Cordelia's outrageous description of her visions before he realised she hadn't been exaggerating - at all. He stared at her in shock for a few moments until she grew annoyed by his intense gaze.

"Quit staring at me Xander."

"Cordy." He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "When Will told me about you getting visions, I thought ... I thought ..." He trailed off.

"You thought they were like flashes of bright light? Like extremely cool 'there's danger - look out' messages from the Powers That Be, with wide screen and surround sound? Yeah sure." She looked at him with something akin to tired suffering. "There's also the mind numbing pain, the constant headaches, feeling the victims' pain as they're torn into by whatever demon week after week, and oh - the mind numbing pain. Did I mention the mind numbing pain?!"

Xander remained silent, rendered speechless by her impassioned revelation.

Cordelia grabbed her head again. "Sorry. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's just ... it hurts." She squeezed her eyes shut momentarily before letting out a long, calming breath. "I'll be okay. I think I just need to lie down for a while."

Xander immediately rose up and came around the table to gently guide her up. "Come on CC, I'm driving you back to the mansion. You can lie down there."

Cordelia nodded mutely, her hand still pressed to her temple as Xander paid the bill.

She felt slightly better as they stepped into the sunshine. "He takes care of you ... Angel takes care of you?"

She nodded faintly, all her energy focused on walking back to Xander's car without tripping and falling straight on her face. "He tries to. They all try to ... in their own way." She sighed. "But ... Angel especially. I guess he thinks it's his fault or something."

"Good." Uncharacteristic steel crept into Xander's voice as they rounded the corner and got into his car. "I'm glad. I mean, I'm glad that he's there for you. I'm glad he's there to take care of you."

"Me too." She smiled wanly as he drove her back to the mansion. She rolled the windows down, enjoying the scenery speeding past them, the cool stinging wind alleviating her distress somewhat.

Suddenly she snapped her head back. "Xander, can we stop off at the butcher shop? I need to get some blood for Angel."

He looked startled for a minute before nodding. "Sure."

Cordelia took in Xander's profile for a moment as he concentrated on the road. It had been good to catch up with him today. She realised that they had lacked a certain closure to their relationship when she had so hurriedly left Sunnydale two years ago and it was good to have an opportunity to close things off. To start again as friends of some sort.

She smiled inwardly, before turning back to the window again. Maybe this little PTB sponsored side trip to Sunnydale wasn't such a bad idea after all.

 

(c) Vivian Ngan September 2001