Ok so this is my story. There I was sitting in my own living room watching afternoon television. Christmas was over and I was enjoying my last few days of relaxation before returning to University to start the second semester of my first year. All of a sudden I got this feeling, an intense feeling of suffocation that began in the pit of my stomach and radiated throughout my whole body. My heart was racing, I was in a cold sweat, I felt nauseous, I was shaking......I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK. I managed to get to the toilet before my bowels opened (sorry folks), all the time I had this intense feeling that something terrible was going to happen at any minute. My husband was in the kitchen but I was too afraid to tell him what was happening to me. I even managed to pick up my son from school (God knows how on earth I did that). Later that evening off those 2 went to visit family and I was left alone in the house. Although the feeling was still there it was not as intense as it had been. All the same I just had to go to bed.......the next nightmare was that I daren't go to sleep because I KNEW I was going to die. I did live however but gradually over the next few days I had more and more of these terrifying episodes.
I remember thinking to myself as I entered the lecture theatre at University "Please don't let me have one in here..." and yep, you've guessed it........major one right there in front of all my friends. Of course they couldn't see what was happening to me but it was all I could do to stop myself from running from the room. I eventually plucked up the courage to visit the Doctor. I went to the surgery and asked if I could see him straight away and the receptionist said NO... YOU'LL HAVE TO BOOK AN APPOINTMENT.........mmmm........needless to say I broke down in hysterical tears and pleaded and begged her to let me see someone. 'Oh yes' said the Doctor you're having panic attacks. Well I had kind of figured that out for myself anyway. He gave me beta blockers because he said they would help to stop the palpitations......Nope I just couldn't walk up the stairs without being out of breath. Next thing was to try anti-depressants. I was prescribed prozac ! Did they work..........YES.....After a few weeks I did begin to feel 'normal' again, I even regained some of my sense of humour.
4 years down the line I do not take the medication anymore although the anxiety has never quite bid its last farewell. I have learned to listen to my own body more and I know that when I'm stressed, have too much alcohol or am in need of a good nights sleep, the feeling of unease will return. I cope now by using relaxation methods, essential oils and relaxing music. I do find that this helps me to feel 'better' most of the time. One last thing though, I am now the worlds worst worrier about my own health !!! You may call me a hypochondriac if you like and it's probably true. Every twinge, cough, palpitation means the inevitable and I have yet to learn to deal with those intrusive thoughts. Well that is briefly my story of living with anxiety and panic disorder.
I hope that in reading it you can understand your own experiences or that it will help you to understand what sufferers of this debilitating illness are going through. |
