If I hear one more person preach about saving the damn rainforest, I'm going to shove a redwood up their ass. Of course it would be awkward trying to maneuver it, considering that these tree-huggers already have their heads shoved up there. These dumbasses feel that the biggest threat facing the world today is the depletion of the rainforest. It would take us hundreds of years to tear down the entire thing. At this rate our society won't even exist that long. Have these environmental hippies been too busy dry-humping oak trees to watch the evening news? Most of the countries in the world have multitudes of nukes pointed at each other with their fingers poised shakily over the launch buttons. Our own government has become overrun with incompetence. Rag-headed terrorists don't hesitate to send planes crashing into U.S. buildings. And I can't even have sex anymore without fear of contracting some venereal disease that will turn my penis green and eventually cause it to shrivel to the point where it becomes an "innie." There are much bigger problems facing our society today than losing a bunch of trees. But yet these damn environmentalists continue to allow themselves to be distracted by this so-called "problem." I think it would benefit us all to just go ahead and torch the rainforest. Then these hippies will be able to focus their efforts on problems that actually matter, like the epidemic of stupidity that seems to be spreading throughout the country faster than genital herpes. So do your part to save the world... grab a blowtorch, Molotov cocktail, can of gasoline, book of matches or anything else you can use to torch a tree. And if you get the chance, torch an environmentalist while you're at it. No need to make it look like an accident. You know what they say... "If a hippie burns in a pit, does anyone care?"
