I think NWA hit the head on the nail when they said, "Fuck the police." Cops, pigs, po-po, 5-0, the fuzz... give them whatever nicknames you want, they still fucking suck. The other day I was driving southbound along Interstate 81, cruising at a comfortable 75 mph in the fast lane (at this point I was in West Virginia where the speed limit is 70 mph). For those of you who are totally inept, that translates to 5 mph above the posted speed limit, which is more or less walking speed. After driving along for about an hour, I crept up behind a Crown Vic in front of me. My undercover cop radar went wild as soon as I laid eyes on this car... a brand new Crown Vic driven by a man who looked to be in his early 30's, no markings, no bumper stickers, no kids in the back seat, no stuffed animals in the back glass. Given the likelihood that it was an unmarked cop car, I tailed him at a safe distance for about half a mile. All of a sudden a big honking van comes flying up on my ass and starts tailgating me. After about another half mile I got tired of the van being all up in my Kool-Aid, so I pulled over into the next lane. I pulled up beside the cop and drove side by side with him for a few miles, always careful never to exceed his speed. It wasn't long before the asshole flashes his siren and lights and starts pointing at his speedometer, obviously signaling me to slow down. At that point I reached for my 9mm in the glove box and blew his tires out and watched in amusement as he crashed into a guardrail. Ok, that last part was bullshit, but the rest of the story is true. I just don't understand what was fucking him in the ass so hard that he felt the need to bitch at me for doing 5 mph over the speed limit, especially when you take into consideration the fact that he was doing the SAME speed. So begins my lengthy rant as to why I hate police officers...
First of all, the speed limits are just arbitrary numbers. Is travelling 70 mph safe, whereas increasing your speed to 71 mph suddenly makes it dangerous? No, of course not. But in theory, you could be pulled over for doing just a few miles per hour over the speed limit. And believe me, it happens. Have people completely lost touch with reality? The whole idea behind the creation of speed limits is to prevent people from driving outrageously dangerous speeds on roads that can't handle it. The actual number chosen is arbitrary. The numbers posted on speed limit signs are at best an approximation of the speed at which a given road can be driven safely. They don't use complicated algebraic formulas to determine these numbers to within 4 decimal places of accuracy. It's just a figure that some old congressman pulled out of his ass. So it's absolutely fucking ridiculous to pull someone over for speeding in almost any conceivable circumstance. In addition to this, the fact remains that speed limits were lowered by 10 mph in the sixties because of the gas crisis. They have not been raised to their former numbers since then, thus all posted speed limits are 10 mph less than what they should be. I'm not disagreeing with the general idea of posting limits on speed, but police officers and our legal system has blown it way out of proportion. If someone is driving through an elementary school parking lot at 60 mph, then give his ass a ticket, because that is actually dangerous. But when someone is doing 74 mph in a 55 mph zone, at 1:00 in the morning on a back road with no other cars around, surrounded by nothing but empty farm land and open road, only a douche bag would give him a ticket.
According to the last episode of America's Most Wanted that I saw, our law-enforcement officers have yet to catch all of the murderers, rapists, and white-collar corperate criminals out there. Maybe if they spent less time running radar so they can meet their monthly quota for traffic offenders, I wouldn't have to go to the gas station worried about some punks who are taping HIV-positive hypodermic needles to gas pumps (true story). Despite the bullshit our legal system loves to feed us, these traffic laws were not created to ensure the safety of the public. They're only there to serve as revenue builders for a government that's too incompetent to serve any real purpose. Every time you pay a fine, the government is basically saying, "Uh oh, you broke one of our many arbitrary and pointless rules that we set to trap you... now gimme gimme." When was the last time a cop ever did anything for you? Their motto is supposedly, "To serve and to protect." But do you feel any safer when there are police officers around. No, most people suddenly become self-conscious and worry about the police fining you for some dumb shit law that you didn't even know existed. Why do you think everyone slows down to 5 mph BELOW the speed limit whenever there's a cop nearby? The new motto for the police department should be, "To harrass and to annoy." In the end, that's all they accomplish. Local and state police departments are nothing more than terrorist organizations. They drive around all high and mighty in their police cruisers uneasing even the most law-abiding citizens. It's just a legal form of domestic terrorism.
Being a police officer is nothing more than one big power trip. They're a bunch of arrogant pricks who think they're better than everyone just because the state pays them to carry a gun and gives them a car. If you're so much better than the rest of us, how come you work grueling hours at a job where your life is constantly at risk and yet you manage to pull in just over 30k a year? As far as public safety goes, your job is obsolete. You are nothing more than government pawns to increases its already substantial profit margin. But what's the point, you already have your heads so far up your asses you could lick your own colon clean. So the next time some slap-nuts cop pulls you over for speeding, read 'em HIS rights...
You have the right to blow me
Anything you say can and will result in my foot entering your ass
You have the right to suck my fuck
If you cannot afford to suck my fuck
Tough shit, asshole, suck it anyway
In all seriousness, there is no social need for local and state police departments. Any important crimes that are committed fall under federal jurisdiction anyway. If states and districts weren't so dependent on them for revenue, they would have done away with them a long time ago. State and local police are pointless. If someone is robbing my house, the last thing I want to do is sit around waiting for the police to finish their donuts and get their dumb asses to my house so they can clean up the mess after my entire family has been slaughtered because they took too damn long. Hell no. If someone robs my house, fuck the police. I'm pulling the 9 mm from my dresser drawer and pretending like i'm playing Duck Hunt. In closing, the world would be a much better place if police officers just took their standard issue Sig Saur, stuck it up their ass, and pulled the trigger. Even that probably wouldn't be enough to blow their head out of their ass. Cops can eat me.