| Comic Relief |
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| Dear President Bush: Instead of sending our sweet, young soldiers over to face the terrorist hords, here's a better idea!! Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisurizer with SPF45, Prozac, hormones, chocolate & canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan & let us do what comes naturally! Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standart stuff like grocery shopping & paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.! We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them & their future! We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet & the grapefruit diet in gyms & saunas across America & never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all! We've spent years trackign down our husband or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events, so finding Hussein or bin Laden is some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? - Oh, please--- we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws & extended families at Thanksgivig dinners for years. Trust me, we understand tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced enought husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover us bank accounts & money sources. We know how to find that money & we know how to seize it... with or without the government's help! We've raised enough teenagers that we can easily tell the truth from lies, or sincerity from b.s., and are experts and finding contraband no matter how well hidden it may be. Let us go and fight. - The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their god-foresaken terrain!... and/or Iraq?!?!? Sincerely, The Mature Women of the United States. |
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