“Rivers,” Miriam gently says to herself. Somehow the thought of that name gives her so much pressure that Miriam thinks she’s not able to breathe. Miriam flips on the blue album, listening to Only In Dreams.
‘You can’t avoid her… She’s in the air… (in.. the.. air..) In between molecules of… oxygen and carbon dioxide…’
* * * * *
“Um, Rivers?” Miriam says into the receiver.
“Yeah…”
“Hi”
“What’s up?”
“You know who I am, right, Rivers?”
“Oh ‘course, Mim, you’re Mim.”
“Yeah…”
“So… Is there something you want to say?”
“I don’t know, I’m just kinda, bored.”
--Man, is she calling me just to hear my voice?— “Do you want me to come over or something?”
“Can you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Ok then.” Miriam hangs up without saying bye, because she knows that she’ll see him very, very soon. Just as she finishes her thoughts the doorbell rings.
“Hi,” Rivers says, standing in front of the door not moving.
“mm…”
Silence. They are just standing, as if they were communicating in another way, in another world, with another attitude. Rivers walks a few steps inside the house; Miriam takes a few back, surprised by Miriam’s reaction; Rivers apologizes.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel… um… uncomfortable.”
When has their relationship turn into such an awkward situation? Miriam wonders. Before, when they’re just friends; when Miriam used to hide her feelings towards Rivers, it seemed so much easier, so much better. Maybe friends and lovers are differed just by that thin line. “Actually,” Miriam takes one step forward, “do you want to, like,” Miriam takes his hand, “come inside?”
Rivers doesn’t know what to say, his fingers feel hallow, his heart is jumping out of the body, and raw flesh of him is rotting. He can’t say anything but follow her lead into the living room. He feels like he’s so close to her, yet, a transparent wall is in between them. He tries to touch her, but he can’t.
Them both sit on the sofa, waiting for the other to say something to ‘break the ice.’
“I guess I should say something, huh?” Rivers is trying his very best to be natural and, well, normal.
“We haven’t talked for so long,” Miriam stands up to get herself a drink, “beer, Rivers?”
“Oh, um, yeah, sure. Thanks.”
Miriam comes back out with two beers in her hand. “Ever since the day I first went to you guys’ rehearsal, we haven’t talked.”
‘Maybe she does like Brian,’ Rivers thinks, ‘I mean… it still seems like Brian likes her.’ Rivers takes a sip from his beer. “Yeah, I missed you.”
“Mm…” Miriam stares into the piss-yellow beer. This beer is so cheap, Miriam thinks, just like me, I wonder if Rivers likes it.
“I really did miss you. Mim, there is something I want you to know.”
‘Oh god, please, don’t tell me that you love me; that you need me; that you can’t live without me…’ Miriam hopes in her head
“I don’t know any other better way to put this,” Rivers continues as he puts down the cheap beer, “I love you, and I really want you to know that, and, keep that in mind.” Rivers places his hands onto Miriam’s. “I don’t need you to say anything back, but I want you to know that, I love you; you and only you.”
“I…” Miriam tries to say.
“Shh…” Rivers doesn’t want to hear a word of reply. He then stands up and leaves.
Ch. 8