Yes, I Was Supposed To Go To Therapy Today
I know... if I don't go to therapy I really can't get better, but it is an hour bus ride to that office, BEFORE work... and we all know I'm suffering from serious insomnia, so I didn't fall asleep until around 5 or so, and you know there was no way I was getting dressed and out to the bus stop before 8, shoot I live a ten minute walk from my job and I still didn't get there until 10:30 (yes I was late). Part of the problem is motivation, I'm okay once I actually get somewhere, but I never feel the desire to get up and move, the other thing is that since this guy can only talk, he can't give me a prescription, and I can't see the man who can give me a script until next month so it seems so futile to sit around reflecting on what I'm not accomplishing when I know I need some medical help. UGH! I know it sounds like I just want some drugs, any drugs, but the truth is I am not ready to deal with any deeper issues until I get rid of the edge of this depression.
I did accomplish a couple things this week, 1st of all I got that horrible carpet ripped up from my daughter's room, it was a pigsty in there, just disgusting, and I have put off cleaning it out because it upsets me so much to think about how I let it get that way by not taking the time to help my kid get control of her hygiene habits. The ex was over here, and my stepson was back from his mom's so with his help I got all the furniture moved out, and we tore up that carpet, which really did stink, then in less than a day we got all those nail boards pulled out, it is so much nicer in there now. That felt really good.
At the very least I feel good about some household projects, like making my own household cleaners, and getting some plants up in here, the "baby" is coming home from camp Saturday, and I'm off work next week, so I plan to make a day of going to pick out some house plants, and hanging them up in her room and mine. Last night I finally dealt with my financial stupidity and made somewhat of a budget up, at least a plan, to get things caught up. I felt really depressed after my job interview Friday because even though it went really well, I still don't think I got it, and I truly want some change, but maybe... maybe I'm meant to deal with my life here, and what I don't like about it, before God will let me move on......