The Heat, New Meds and Bellyaches

August 10th 2001

Only 4 days into meds here. I am sleeping better, I think more because of the hope of impending relief from some of this depression rather than the drugs having any effect yet. Instead of staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning I'm falling asleep around 2 or 3. This may seem minor, but an hour or so extra sleep has made a world of difference.

I did read that effexor can have effect within 1-2 weeks so I guess it is possible that fairly soon after introducing meds to a body that has NEVER been on meds before things could start happening (for the better I hope!)

The meds make my stomach hurt, and with only a 37.5MG dose I'm hoping that my body will adjust before I move up to the 75mg dose next week. I'd be upset if I couldn't take them because of nausea. It's not strong, but about 2 hours after I take the meds my stomach goes queasy, I'm wondering if a little snack around that time would help ease it. The first day was the worst, so maybe it is just a matter of getting used to it.

Now I've read that people on this medication report "unusual dreams" Well....I don't want to feel like I'm a mind altering drug, I don't know what "unusual dreams" means, someone on a message board said they seemed more intense(her dreams) but she's also on a 225mg a day dose.

I've started managing the "retreat" symptom of my anxiety and depression. I make a little list of things that HAVE to be done, stupid things sometimes as simple as remembering to mail in the form to cancel payroll deduction at my old bank. I have a tendency to not take care of things right away and then having almost a 'fear' of doing them at all. So each day I specify ONE thing I HAVE to get done. Which is how I called to doctor in the first place.

Today when being at my stepson's doctor's appt ran much longer than I thought I called my supervisor to tell her I wouldn't be back like I thought I would. This sounds obvious, but there are so many times I just don't do the things I need to do, it's so foolish and self-destructive, but maybe subconsicously I was wishing I would get in trouble at work with my time, or crash in some other way and get the attention I needed. Everyone seems so sure that I am perfectly capable of functioning, they see me as strong, independent, a "loner". Why is that? How have I managed to give off that aura while inside I crumble?

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