| 1. During tuning, the tuner shall be recalibrated so that the trumpet section shall always be in tune 2. Tempo shall be determined be neither the director nor the drum major, but solely by the trumpets 3. Any trumpet player repeatedly playing a tempo which does not in any way resemble that of his fellow trumpets shall be awarded the trumpet medal of valor 4. Whenever the trumpets are playing Pep Band music, they are by definition playing the melody 5. When a trumpet player has lost all sense of rhythm and melody in a song, they shall immediately begin alternating between any 1st and open notes above high C. 6. Should a trumpet player be unable to play notes above G, they shall be stripped of their horn and immediately denoted as an honorary woodwind with no possibility of parole 7. Horse whinnies may be performed only by certified personnel 8. a. Arrogance in the trumpet ranks is strictly forbidden b. This rule shall not be applicable to those enrolled in public, private, or home schooling. 9. Possession of a concealed piccolo trumpet without a permit may be considered a misdemeanor 10. Placement of a trumpet upright upon the knee during a concert is forbidden 11. The use of music to play the Hey Song shall be considered an act of high treason 12. All trumpets must play as loud as possible at all times. Failure to do so will result in death by piccolo/oboe duet 13. Sale of magic lip-rejuvenation potion to minors shall be strictly forbidden 14. In the event that a marching drill involves rotating circles, the successful completion of this maneuver shall be considered an act of God, and all trumpet players must immediately sacrifice a goat 15. No law may be passed which in any way restricts, prohibits, or taxes caffeine 16. The 50 yard line is the exclusive meeting place of trumpets, and is therefore considered holy ground 17. Use of a herald trumpet in a threatening manner shall be punishable by demotion to the status of mellophone |
| The Trumpet Decree of Law |
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