I woke up in a big valley. A warm valley and I was lying down on someone's legs. I felt so small, so tiny but painless. 'Mam?'

The lady smiled at me and she nodded. She was stroking my hair. 'What are you doing here Mam? I thought you're supposed..'

I cling into my words. I've never been able to say that word. Then I realised. I've entered her new world. Something people called heaven.

'Emily listen to me. I love you very much. Very very much and I've never wanted you to be unhappy. I'm very sorry I've caused you a lot of pain. I love you so much. I never wanted to leave you. Never. I can't bear to see my baby cry. But it wasn't my choice. I had to go. I've watched you every single day, every hour, every second since I've been here and I know you're hurting yourself..'

I interrupted her, 'But mam..' 'Shhh, listen to me. I don't have too much time. Please stop what you're doing to yourself now. You're hurting me too. Every time I came down to see you when you're asleep I've always wished I could heal your pain, the marks on your beautiful hand but I can't. Every time I see you pushing that needle in I cry. That's why it's always raining. Those are my tears. Please Emily. Please stop it. Miracles do happen you know. Please, I'll always be on your side..'

'You lied mam!! You've never been on my side. You've never been there!' Mam cried and tried to stroke my hair again but I pulled back. 'You know deep inside you I've always been there for you don't you? When you looked into that boy, Mark, you knew you saw me didn't you? It was me Emily. It was me...'

Suddenly her body became blurry to me. 'Maaaammmm!!! Don't leave me please!! Mam, don't. Please! I love you. I'm so so sorry. Mam, please don't!'

As my voice got louder and louder, she fadded away and blew me a kiss. I could see she was still crying.