All Ma Homies out there oo 'as problems innit just come to your main man anty Bash! Type your problems at the bottom of this page
Whatshomesaying... My Name's Raj mate im 18 like. I was on dis forum like and was gettin on with thesse people plankots the lotss, anywhay there girls like i fancyied them and i tried to impress them mates but them by telling them storries and stuff about mes mate. but afer a bit like they stoped speakin to me. calling me slamballs and plankpots my put downs, i asked half of them mates to marry and shage like but they said no. Now none like me mate! i mean wats wrong with raj! so i threatened to rape a few and harrassed sum guy on ther mates no reason to get nasti like.
anyway plz help
piace out!
Raj, Bradford
Bash Says...
Easy mate, you sound like my kinda homie blud. but u's gotta chill on dem internet bitches dawg, u is gettin all worked up over a bunch over some chumpies who aint gunna give u no head like my bitches, if u come roll with my crew il show you some real bitches. but dis forum sounds like a waste of good smokin time G! a word of bash advice, Me not gonna waste my time trying to Impress no peeps who dont like me anyway, just cut ure losses... and come back round their houses 2 weeks later with some homies and some gats and smoke dem fools, proper drive by stylies. and about threatening to rape dem shorties, dat is just wrong fool, u is not meant to do that, u shouldnt tell them it ruins the element of surprise!
Bottom line dawg is u has gotta stop wiv this net biznis son, they dont like u, face it.
Whatshomesaying...Aha, greetings to yooou my friend, ahhhh! I hing hang am i chineeeese resident of a student accomodation flat which the number is thirteen and it is indeeed unlucky for some. Well, meee. Eyyye have a problem where i cannot seem to keep friends there, ching chong, they aaaaaaaall decide to move out! I thought i had made some progress, what what, when last year a flatmate named Boh (i thought he may also be Chineeeeeeeese with such a bizarre name) approached me in the kitCHEN aye, yaa yaa! So, as a gesture of friendship i prooooceeDED to hurl my guts up all over him, covering him in my recently digested spaghetti and that yellow stuff i always used to cook in the kitchen! But...toooo my horror...he gave me a dirty glare and ran to his room never to speak to me again! The same happened with whoever else I barfed on in the Flat. In the mornings, hong high, I would get up early and call out to my fellow flatmates by barfing into my sink for six hours straight but none of them would respond aye, yaa yaa! My other ideas to win friends would include stinking out the whole flat with my weird yellow stuff and even leaving the oven on on numerous occasions so that I could get them into the kitchen, where, hong chang, I could have a friendly chat with them! However, they would just glare at me like I was somekind of weirdo! At the end of the year, like every year, they just left the flat without even trying any of my weird yellow stuff! Help me Bash, how can I make friends at my flat?
Chinky Boy, Huddersfield
Bash says...
My bruvva, you is sounding like this well weird geezer my House Thirteen Zero homies was tellin' me about who they used to liv wiv last year, innit. Used to barf 24/7, maybe its a Chinky thing, aii? Wot you has got to remember, dawg, is dat bruvvas from the hood aint appreciatin bein barfed on, you know wat I is sayin? Specially when they're goin out to get their ends away in sum well fit pussie and you know what I'm talkin about! Hell i bet you is lovin' it, avin all dem chinky bird wit fit slit eyes, back ome innit! Dawg, if they is diggin bein barfed on at night, what would they say to some original Bash juice, aii? My adivice to you is to bring ur well fit chink birds ova n let ur flatmates into some oriental action! Then you is a well top homie!
Whatshomesaying... I read your column last week and I was inspired by Camilla's story, I myself am a single mother, i am 25 and i live on my own huddersfield. My ex husband often visits and takes the children for the weekend but other than this i have no male contact. However this year three male student have moved over the road to me and they are all gorgeous. When ever i see them I wish I had the courage to go and speak to them, instead i just pretend im not looking, i often sit in bed at night and "Play One-Man-Subutio" while i think about each of them in turn having their way with me, sometimes not one at a time. Bash please help i want to turn my fantasies into a reality, how can i get the courage to ask the guys to take me all at once!
Bash Says...
Big Up yourself my sister. Me has to say you is on da right track, but u has got to get a move on, dees tax-dodgers aint gonna b there for ever, only till their course runs out innit. Me sez u bill up some chronic for dutch courage and get ure MILF ass over dere and demand they get you airtight! If not, me has some homies who can sort you out... BO!