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| 2/5/03 I've discovered right now that I really seek characteristics in four people. Jamie, Jarrett, Russell, and Mario. Let's do a recap since most people don't know who these four people are. Jamie is my ex-bf who I was and still am deeply into emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. He was really my first bf and I had the best sex ever with him a day ago. Seeing that nobody really reads this, I'm okay with putting that. NOW Jarrett, he's a guy that am totally connected with spiritually, he's my guide for my life at this moment and he's helping me with ideas about myself. Russell is a hot throb, he's uncut and full of attitude, REALLY he's uncut(NOT REALLY) We never had sex or kissed, but we went out for approximately once week. Lastly, Mario is a guy that I talked to a long time ago and turned me down because I wasn't purely white, he's changed alot about himself and I like alot of his mannerisms. The thing about Jamie and Mario is that my friend Andrew (my supposed best friend) went out with both of them after I either broke up or got turned down with them. The only time I've done anything of that with Andrew is when this guy gave him head and went out with him for maybe a day.....we decided that the guy was too wild for him!!! That's different, it was discussed. I don't care, because the way it looks now, Russell and I are pretty good together. Well moving on from this shit, my good friend Christy is moving to Raleigh, which is llike 3 hours away from here. I'm going to miss her, I probably won't find any other punky friend like her for a while if not ever. I'll MISS YA CHRISTY!!! |
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| 2/8/03 I have gave alot of stuff thought recently and have concluded that everybody is the Antichrist, and that I'm going to brand 666 on President Bush' head. Jesus would be proud of me. Hmmm . . . me sacreligious? I think not! " Oh my . . . what's that noise . . . . somebody is knocking at the front door . . . I think it's Jesus Christ . . . why Jesus Christ I wasn't expecting you for tear, but as long as you'r here lets' gossip and talk about your latest loves . . . . . . . . " I'm not cool enough for Jesus Christ to hang out with me! Anyways, back to the real world, I'm personally going through some crazy shit right now, but I went book shopping today so I'm feeling a tad bit better. |
| 6/16/03 I know, I know, long time time, no entry. Geocities has been such a bitch, that I couldn't get Pagebuilder open. On 5/23/03, school lets out and Summer Vacation begins a little bit deeper into Spring. That's okay, we deserve to get out early since school started early. 180 days of shit, 180 days of harassment and anxiety. I'm glad I have got through this. I'm glad I have overcame. Before school was over, I got a car. A new(used) Burgundy 1990 Ford Mustang LX. Finally, a car so I can escape this place. On 6/5/03, my friend Aimee Winstead got into a car accident, really sad. I'm not one to mourn or get disappointed, but I was in shock. She's gone, I won't be denial about that, because she wouldn't have wanted it that way. Aimee was real and she would have got over me dying, if it had been me. On 6/10/03, she was funeralized at the First Free Will Baptist Church and buried at Gethsemene Cemetary. I'll miss her, but I know she's gone. Ummm. Okay. I'm looking for a new job. I've been looking for a new job for awhile. But now I can't really stand the bitching of people that work at Mrs. Willis' Restaurant. Everybody is so full of shit, I mean not everybody, but most. Still Single. I passed all of my exams and all my classes. I'll be a senior next year. I'll get to run trains on all the hot freshmen, well not really, but I can wish. I'll have a parking pass and all that stuff that makes me want to masturbate. |
| 7/2/2003... I feel very confused. School starts in a month and a half. ANYWAYS, I still like Russell. I don't think I'll ever get over him and I don't think I want to get over him. His lips, face, hair, none of that. I just get emotionally incompetent around him. I want to kiss him, but no. I want to say I like him, but no. Same shit problems I had with him while going out. BUT, if he ever reads this I hope he knows that I like him sincerely. |
| Random thoughts from 6/16/03 - 7/2/2003: Lewis halfway quit sometime during this period of time. Lewis is that guy that I work with at the damn restaurant . He's funny and hilarious, nobody understands him much there, but me. He's great. Some people might call him immature, but I call him a man, who's normal. Sadley, nobody at this restaurant really understands that. When Lewis left, a new guy named Richard, LOUD AS FUCK, came to work with me. The dude makes me nauseas. Loud people make me anxious and he started dipping his French Fries in my dipping sauce. (BY THE WAY I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE WHO CALL FRENCH FRIES, FREEDOM FRIES....I live beside the town where that man invented the shitty name) Don't fucking mess with my dipping sauce. I yelled at my boss last night also. I don't like being talked to like an incompetent child, because nobody gave us their order for drinks. I made sure what her problem was. I really don't like her and made sure to glare at her so she knew that. I'm gay |
| . . .7/21/03 I wish I could get 5 bucks for everytime I got a boner, because from 7/2/03, I think I've got about 7,000 of them. Whatevah! My ex boyfriend came back home from his Navy post, he seems pretty depressed. I think he really honestly hates being in that place. He told some officials that he's gay and even doing that it's going to take a long time for it to get processed. He smoked some pot and took an urine test, and he's hoping that will get him thrown out of that place. I feel for him and he feels for me. Of course, we had sex, and I loved it. We gave each other handjobs. The first time we did anything really sexual was exchange handjobs. He's great. If there was a choice between him and anybody else, it would be Jarrett. Jamie(my ex bf), could blow anybody around here I have crush on out of the water " Tonight in the whispers where we won't be found, nothing can stop us! " -"Wester" by AFI I love that song. |
| RUSSELL IS A HYPOCRITE: I came to this conclusion when he criticizes other people's looks, and he doesn't consider how bad he looks. I mean, nodody is perfect, especially not him. 7 suicide attempts?! Far from perfect. One word *ATTENTION*. That's right, the word is "attention". |
| . . .7/26&27/03 I think I had a growth spourt last night. Speaking of last night----> Christy had a get together with me, Andrew, Heather, Becky, and some guys. Great times. A guy I have had a crush on turns out to be Becky's brother...fun fun fun. It was real fun. We watched 200 Cigarettes, laugh laugh laugh. Church sucked today! Hypocrisy spoken at its finest. I don't like church. I don't like organized religion. I don't like those people all in my life. |
| 7/21/03-whatever date is next Lewis brought in his friend to work named Bobby. Real hot guy. His guts fell out in a bicycle accident when he was little and his scar is very intense. LOL. He has a beautiful smile, beautiful body, quiet, introverted, and overall crazy. Love seeing him around. |