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"Doctor?"

Turlough was getting sick of this. Tegan had been gone a week and the Doctor was… weird. It was like he was pining for her after the third day or so. He hadn’t even left the TARDIS during that last landing. Mind you, that was probably for the best. Turlough got the idea that the Doctor didn’t approve of – what did that musician call them? That’s right, doobies. Good kid, that Kreiner guy. Shame about his mother. Turlough knew what wars could do, even if you hadn’t been there…

He fought back the tears of Trion. And something else. He was still at war, even now. Only now it was an army of three. Damn it. Two. An army of two. He let a tear roll down his cheek, for Tegan. Damn humans, he thought. Even when they argue with you non-stop, there’s something infectiously lovable about them.

"Doctor?"

He didn’t want to think of her like that. Of the night after leaving Frontios, when she’d found him in the kitchen, his tears dripping into a mug of cold cocoa. She never said a word, just held him while he blubbed and poured out the horror the Tractators had caused to his world. Finally, he'd looked up at her with dry, red-rimmed eyes.

"But there are monsters out there, and we sort them out. It’s what we do."

"Yes."

"And I’m not a little boy anymore, am I? I can fight them now, I couldn’t before."

"Turlough, you can fight alright. And even though you get right up my nose sometimes, so long as I’m here, I’ve got your back. That’s what mates are for."

Turlough shook the memory clear of his head. There was a door open, just up from him, on the left. The lights were dimmer in that section of the corridor, and he could see the warm light from a candle playing on the wall beyond the door. He was soon standing in the doorway, and spied the Doctor’s cricketing blazer draped over a sofa some metres away. And then he saw the Doctor.

Typical, really. A perfectly good, well-stuffed, red velvet sofa in the room- and the Doctor sits himself on a dusty old crate. A big one too, thought Turlough, that must be at least five feet off the ground. The Doctor suddenly looked up.

"Ah, Turlough!" He smiled that sad, far away smile of his. It had become even more far away in the past week. Turlough recalled how much like his father’s smile it was, when the war had come to them. Terrible, knowing, full of hope and loss. It was then Turlough noticed the thing the Doctor was holding. He stepped around the intricate candelabra and approached the Doctor.

The object was flexible, wooden, and after another moment Turlough recognised it as a double helix. It made him remember Tegan again- he’d found it in the room she showed him to, and he’d packed it away in a box for the Doctor to take to storage. The box sat to the Doctor’s right on the crate. Turlough clambered up to the Doctor’s left.

"It’s a Kinda artifact, from when… from before your time with us. With me," the Doctor passed Turlough the helix, which he now realized was a complex necklace. "They were highly evolved, telepathically, so much so that the human colonisers thought of them as savage primitives. Soon set them right though. Tegan got a bit caught up though. Possessed. Silly girl. I should have seen it coming." Suddenly, the Doctor wasn’t looking at Turlough any more. He stared intently into one of the fires of the candlelight. "And Adric… poor Adric. He wanted so much to fit in, he never knew how much he did. He tried so hard, you know. So, so hard."

Turlough didn’t know what to say. They’d been through so much in their year together. Been near to death so many times, but the Doctor always stood his ground. He has so much faith in me, Turlough thought. He’s not like those humans at the school. He cares so much about his travelers. Were Tegan and Turlough really the only touchstones the Doctor had?

"Doctor… who was Adric? I asked Tegan once, but she-"

The Doctor snapped back, and looked at Turlough with those brilliant yet cloudy eyes of his. "Again, before your time. He was like you in a way, cut off from home, didn’t quite fit in there, too smart and rebellious for his own good. He knew me before Nyssa or even Tegan, and he was so confused when… yes. Well, another time to explain that. Hopefully I won’t need to for a while, eh? He felt a bit neglected. Boys do at that age, I suppose. They want to be out on their own, but they still need their family to build them up. He was so brilliant, Turlough. A little naïve, but we were almost through that. He was coming into his own- even picked a fight with me. In my TARDIS, impertinent puppy." The Doctor let out a bitter bark of a laugh, and breathed deeply. He pulled a tattered paperback from the box and handed it to Turlough.

"‘Do androids dream of electric sheep?’ by Phillip K. Dick?"

"After I taught him to read English, it was a favourite." While Turlough was still holding the book, the Doctor tapped it open to a well-thumbed page. "This bit."

"‘That which burns the brightest, burns the shortest-’"

"‘- and you have shone so very… very…’"

Turlough looked up from the book. The Doctor still held his gaze straight ahead, and tears had started to trickle down his cheek. "‘Brightly,’" Turlough finished. "He died, didn’t he?"

The Doctor’s face finally crashed, and the tears began to flow. Each sentence, each word, was punctuated by unknowable anger, from despair so deep that Turlough could almost feel it against his skin. "They wanted a hostage. They wanted Tegan, but Adric put himself up instead. It was still a logical choice, so they didn’t hesitate. He just wanted to help, he didn’t want to be a hero or a martyr, the Earth needed to be saved and… I taught him too well. It’s my fault, I was so reckless. Romana told me to take him home, but he was so full of life and potential, I wanted to show him everything. He’s dead. He died because I bided my time to finish them. I didn’t want to have to pick up a gun. And now, they’re gone, aren’t they? Nyssa’s probably dead too, and Tegan, she was so angry with what she’d seen, how much of her is still alive?"

"Doctor, if anyone can put themselves back together again, it’s Tegan."

The Doctor opened his mouth to argue, the fell into a tear-stained grin. "All right, you win that one." The smile faded again, too fast for Turlough’s liking, and the Doctor closed his eyes, shuddering. "Oh, Adric… why couldn’t I save you? He was so young, so much to live for, and I was supposed to protect him."

In that moment, Turlough did something he never expected he would do. He slipped his arm around the Doctor, and brought the Time Lord’s head to his breast. The Doctor tensed for a moment, but then relaxed and let Turlough run his hand through his smooth hair. Turlough saw a final item in the box – the Doctor must have put the others elsewhere – and got it out with his free hand. It was a small black square, and opened at the press of a clasp. "Databank?"

"Adric’s diary. He used to write in it every night. I could set my second watch by it. No, don’t power it up."

"Why not?"

"It’s a diary. You can’t just read other people’s diaries."

"I read Tegan’s. It was pretty dull."

"That was the one she left for you to find. The real one was-"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Start reading, Turlough."

Turlough laughed, and put on his best oration voice. "‘I had a huge fight with the Doctor a few hours ago. I guess I was just being silly. I don’t really miss the Starliner, it was so boring there. It’s just that sometimes I feel so out of place here. Nyssa and Tegan are so confident. They always know what they’re doing, and I’m always making mistakes. I only charted the course to show the Doctor I can get it right. I just want so much to be like him, but how can I think how he thinks? I suppose it doesn’t matter. Yes, he does make the time to talk to me, in spite of what I wrote last night. I know, even after our arguments, he believes in me. That’s why I have to stay, and keep on trying. And failing, yes, but the Doctor’s shown me that it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all. I just hope that I become someone he can be proud of, and that I can help people and save them like he does. I know he doesn’t save all of them, but he tries. Sometimes he fails. I’d never thought of that before. What if it’s Tegan or Nyssa next? I’ve got to do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen either- they’re too important, to both of us. I know I’ve been swayed a bit recently, but that’s over now. I’m standing by the Doctor. Even if it means dying to save my friends. It’s the least I can do. Have to go now. Tegan says we’re coming in to land on the freighter. Will remember to write how it goes.’"

The two men sat in silence as Turlough powered down the computer. Finally, the Doctor removed Turlough’s arm, jumped off the crate and made his way over to the sofa. He laid down without a word. Turlough jumped down as well, and noticed a thick blanket shoring up the candelabra. He carefully blew out the candles, and lit only by the corridor glow, crossed to the sofa and laid the blanket over the Doctor. Before the could move away, the Doctor gently tugged his wrist. "Stay. Just for tonight."

Turlough lifted the blanket and climbed in with the Doctor. He pressed his back into the Doctor’s chest, and felt the Doctor’s hand wrap in his own.

"Did Tegan ever say anything about Adric?"

"I asked her once, when I heard her talking to Nyssa about him. She said he was a mate. I pressed for more, and she called me a drongo and threatened to do something to me that I’m sure isn’t anatomically possible. For humans."

"But it is possible for you?"

"Depends on which head she was talking about."

"Interesting."

Turlough felt the Doctor’s warm breath on his neck. He turned towards him, the Doctor’s hand finding Turlough’s hip. Turlough’s hand wiped away the Doctor’s final tears.

"I miss her too, Turlough."

Turlough’s hand moved to the Doctor’s hip, and they stared into each other in the half-light. With one movement, they brought their foreheads together and were soon so peacefully asleep that even the memory of death could not taunt their dreams.