Apocalypse Now!??!!?
What you say?! Could this be true?! Is there really an apocalypse upon us?!
Of course we say. Here at Insanity we've know that the end has been coming and we've been doing plenty of research. I personally spoke to Sal Veigh, an Apocalypse historian whose been through enough to know one when she sees one coming, "I've been to the depths of the underworld and back... this one coming is nothing... wait. OK, yeah sorry I'm wrong. This chart here shows a bigger one than I expected. We're screwed!! RUN FOR THE HIIIIILLLLLSSS!!!!!!!"
Unastonishingly she then ran from the room leaving behind her "charts." I had a good look at them and they were actually the papers I had spilled my coffee on earlier. LOL. OK guys... my bad.
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
(Am I the only one who works around here?)
All of this below is old. It reminds me of that time when...
Tap Swordfish?
A local United State of American turned on her faucet and after waiting for an hour discovered a swordfish in her glass. How did it get there? We wondered and asked faucetorian Chip D. Glass, from VaVaVoom Mental Facility, what happened.
"Well when he was an egg, he must have taken a long, rough jouney through the poluted water sytem and sat himself inside the faucet until the faucet's turner onner was turned on..." He then stopped talking and began licking an upeeled lemon he had in his hand, then he began licking the wall... We were curious as to whether he was even a faucetorian.
So next time you turn on your faucet and it takes a little longer than 15 minutes for water to come, get to the nearest faucetorian office and ask them if there have been any swordfish sightings... You just never know.
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
Gilligan's Island... or what's left
Do you remember when Insanity sent out our seven adventurers, trying to find Gilligan's Island? Well we did find it... and we may have just destroyed it.
Here at Insanity we are not quite sure how this happened. One day a black bird fell through our window and there was a picture and a note that said:
We regret to inform that we're all missing.
We don't know how we got the picture if they're all missing... odd. Anyway sorry, that's the end of that. Hope you're not too dissapointed. If you really are, we can send out another batch, trust me, we've got plenty more where those silly nillies came from ;).
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
Open Up
Lately it has come to our attention that hospitals are being overwhelmed. Why? Here's the answer;
CLOSED DOORS
People we can't be doing this, we must keep ourselves aware of Closed Doors. .003% of hospital patients are recovering from the ater effects of running into a Closed Door.
To insure our readers are still able to read/understand our material, we have created a list of procedures for you to follow in the case of a Closed Door incident.
- Stop Immediatly!!
- Slowly aproach with caution.
- Carefully place your hand on the doorknob and turn in a clockwise position.
- Apply pressure or pull the door backward until there is enough space for you between the door and the wall.
- Proceed on with your thoughts on how Moon Monkeys could be closely related to Fur Sofas and continue your walk of insanity.
Please folks, we are only focusing on the health of our website... I mean our Insanity... or your insanity... or was it the fans?
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
Gilligan's Island Found?
We have all been highly curious as to where Gilligan's Island really is, so we sent out some of our very own reporters to do the research.
Ginger - Macy Noditaulle
Skipper - Ben Sinklot
Mary Anne - Jason Kase
Gilligan - Bruce Ezlee
Proffesor - Kent Reedman
Mr. Howell - Buck Richton
Mrs. Howell - Milly N. Dolehause
Insanity sent them out on a similar boat to the one seen on t.v. Since SS Minow is already a registered name, we drew straws and the name of our ship is now... St. Ukere.
The reporters were carefully chosen by their stability to cooperate and their mental stability. One of the chosen (we're not saying who :p) has been selected to inform us on how things are going by way of carrier pigeon. The informant has been kept secret to insure their survival.
Once word is in, we will give you the full coverage. We would never keep info from our readers!!
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
Chalupas are loose and they're eating people!!!
Oh my gosh they're everywhere!! Above is a picture of a Chalupa, and as you can see...IT'S EATING A MAN!!! Witnesses say that the man was at the park with his wife when a Chalupa popped out the nearby pond and began maliciously eating the man's head! No one is sure why the Chalupa was in the pond but specialists believe that the pond may be considered it's home.
Dr. Itsalmein was quoted, "If anyone iz at fault fow dis attack, I would have to zay it iz da man... why vaz he at da park in da first place?"
The Wife of the man who was attacked is still clueless as to what happened, police found her holding a picnic basket with tuna sandwiches in it... when she offered them one, they all sat down and had a nice lunch.
Police and Scientists warn people to stay away from parks, Police Chief Haulla questioned, "Why are you there anyway?"
What was the real purpose behind the attack, and why was the man at the park? We may never know.
Insanity Clockwork
reporter, Dot Smypizza
