2006
What adventures have you missed?
Read to find out, dicklicker!
So, I'm sitting at a computer station at school and this chick right next to me is so dumb and she's sitting with 2 of her dumb guy friends who are even more dumb than she is. She said something dumb in Spanish and the guys were like "You can't say that, this is America." Then one of the dudes starts going back and forth in his chair, which is REALLY loud and annoying and I was 2 seconds away from telling him I'm going to kill his cunt of a mother if he keeps doing it, when the girl giggled at something on collegejokes.com or whatever lame ass site she was on and he stopped. Fucking stupid people. I hate you. Quit fucking each other and making more of your kind. Just stop.
December 12, 2006-Simmerin' the midnight oil
I'm watching Conan O'Brien talk to Cameron Diaz talk about how much better she is than everyone. Boorrringgg. I love Conan though. Yes I do. I also love taco salads, the color aqua and taking craps. We have our Christmas tree up. I love decorating for X-mas. Jesus is as real to me as Santa, so I celebrate the holiday for the tradition and not the meaning. To me, it's about family and food and fun, not silly myths or made up stories. Next week is finals at school. Yikes. Wish me luck, fuckers, 'cuz the outcome determines how much bread mama be bringin' home.
November 23,2006-Pie,turkey,more pie
Fucking A. I ate so much AND I STILL HAVE MORE FOOD TO EAT TOMORROW. I'm driving to the moms tomorrow to eat more. Fuck you stomach! Fuck you ass! Get FAT AND LIKE IT! My fat ass feline is laying next to me ripping farts that are super foul. Maybe it's a signal he doesn't like watching Sex and the City. I say, too bad cat, as long as I keep a box of your shit in my house, you have to watch 40 year old women nag for 30 minutes a day. It's a trade-off.
November 16,2006-Not enough time
I have to go to Philosophy right now...blargle...I think I just vomitted in my mouth. Anyways, it's hard for me to keep updating this bitch. I have been thinking about making it just a blog page, but what fun would that be? Well, thanks to you 21 people who looked at this bitch in the last month, I'll keep doing it (it has probably been 3 people for the 30 times and I bet I know you!)
I'm hungry. I'm also sad. Somewhere, someone is watching Maury on TV. I wish I was that person...
November 11,2006-What the fuck?
Where the fuck have I been? Don't I know you were waiting for an update? How can I be so insensitive? I'm a horrible skank.
Anytits, I've been super busy. I just had my first speech ever today and I aced that shit like a mofo. I was super nervous, like shit-your-pants nervous, cuz I hate people I don't know staring at me. It's a thing I have, deal with it. But it went fine and I was pretty much the best out of the group. I'm a speech showboat, what can I say?
Oh yeah, we got Final Fantasy 12 and that's all we do. Except I have to do homework too, but other than that, that's all we (me + my guy) do. It's glorious.
October 20,2006-Driver's side blues
Someone hit my molester van. I'm not really angry or anything. Just amused. The van is a pile, so another dent isn't going to do anything, but now, my driver's side door only opens half way. When I think of the person who hit it, I can just imagine them accidentally hitting it, getting all embarressed and scared, then looking back and seeing my van, shrugging and driving away. I hope that's the way it happened.
October 6, 2006- Well Fuck My Ass!
There have been a good number of peeps checking this shit out. I apologize, for you keep looking at the same ol' shizz as last time. My lazy ass hasn't been doing shit. Well, I take that back. I've been smokin' blunts and shankin' cunts as usual, but I shouldn't neglect you. Me and the guy that hangs around me just celebrated 7 years of putting up with each other. We went out of town. The place we went has this awesome bar/arcade. It is 2 stories, has virtual reality games and shit; also, it has 2 bars in it. It's fun to get crunk'd and play Soul Caliber. Once, when I first moved to Madison, me and my dude were walking down town and I saw a neon light that said "arcade." I was stoked. I told him that we should go, all excited-like. He laughed and said "It's not that kind of arcade." I guess this city wants to play tricks on me and disguise porn shops with names of things that excite the child in me. Motherfuckers.
September 18,2006-Shant I?
I'm debating just having a blog site. I don't really want to. If I did, I could link to this shit, through it, plus it wouldn't be as hard to put images and crap on it. Fuck. Dilemma. Well, don't be pissed if you can't see the Crypt Keeper right away when you pop on. Your ass will have to work for that corpse. Speaking of corpses, a few uber-redneck backwater idiot fuck-tards in Wisconsin tried digging up a dead girl and fuck her. Isn't that precious?
September 15,2006-Fucking Shit!
I'm trying to revamp this site, but since I don't pay anything for it and I'm too lazy to fuck with HTML, it's hard. Don't get me wrong, I love this shit, I have to move the pics and archive the entries I do in here all the time. WHEN WILL IT GET SIMPLE????
So if my page seems fucked up in the next few days, live with it, because I'm doing it for the greater good. I'm doing it for you, my public...all 4 of you.
KISSES, FART-SNIFFERS!
September 8,2006-New stuff to do things with!
Last weekend, me and my other (smellier) half finally bought a new bed. It's glorious. It's a memory foam/plush hybrid. Fantastic. I've had my old bed for 12 years; it was time for a fucking change. Me and my dude are also getting another cat. His name is Benny and he is also quite glorious. He's super fat and orange. He reminds me of our old pal. Sugar, who was by far the coolest/weirdest/most awesome thing ever.
I'm not going to be a tutor. I don't need 2 jobs. I hate working.
October 20,2006-Driver's side blues
Someone hit my molester van. I'm not really angry or anything. Just amused. The van is a pile, so another dent isn't going to do anything, but now, my driver's side door only opens half way. When I think of the person who hit it, I can just imagine them accidentally hitting it, getting all embarressed and scared, then looking back and seeing my van, shrugging and driving away. I hope that's the way it happened.
October 6, 2006- Well Fuck My Ass!
There have been a good number of peeps checking this shit out. I apologize, for you keep looking at the same ol' shizz as last time. My lazy ass hasn't been doing shit. Well, I take that back. I've been smokin' blunts and shankin' cunts as usual, but I shouldn't neglect you. Me and the guy that hangs around me just celebrated 7 years of putting up with each other. We went out of town. The place we went has this awesome bar/arcade. It is 2 stories, has virtual reality games and shit; also, it has 2 bars in it. It's fun to get crunk'd and play Soul Caliber. Once, when I first moved to Madison, me and my dude were walking down town and I saw a neon light that said "arcade." I was stoked. I told him that we should go, all excited-like. He laughed and said "It's not that kind of arcade." I guess this city wants to play tricks on me and disguise porn shops with names of things that excite the child in me. Motherfuckers.
September 18,2006-Shant I?
I'm debating just having a blog site. I don't really want to. If I did, I could link to this shit, through it, plus it wouldn't be as hard to put images and crap on it. Fuck. Dilemma. Well, don't be pissed if you can't see the Crypt Keeper right away when you pop on. Your ass will have to work for that corpse. Speaking of corpses, a few uber-redneck backwater idiot fuck-tards in Wisconsin tried digging up a dead girl and fuck her. Isn't that precious?
September 15,2006-Fucking Shit!
I'm trying to revamp this site, but since I don't pay anything for it and I'm too lazy to fuck with HTML, it's hard. Don't get me wrong, I love this shit, I have to move the pics and archive the entries I do in here all the time. WHEN WILL IT GET SIMPLE????
So if my page seems fucked up in the next few days, live with it, because I'm doing it for the greater good. I'm doing it for you, my public...all 4 of you.
KISSES, FART-SNIFFERS!
September 8th-New stuff to do things with!
Last weekend, me and my other (smellier) half finally bought a new bed. It's glorious. It's a memory foam/plush hybrid. Fantastic. I've had my old bed for 12 years; it was time for a fucking change. Me and my dude are also getting another cat. His name is Benny and he is also quite glorious. He's super fat and orange. He reminds me of our old pal. Sugar, who was by far the coolest/weirdest/most awesome thing ever.
I'm not going to be a tutor. I don't need 2 jobs. I hate working.
August 31st-College!
I'm going to apply to be a tutor today. We'll see how that works out. Poor people that may be listening to me. Poor, dumb people.
August 23rd-Eye balls, Olestra and Curb Your Enthusiasm
Whoa. It's been a while, but I have an awesome excuse. I had eye surgery on the 14th. And it wasn't that pussy laser eye surgery, oh no no no. It was the real deal with knives and being put under and shit. My eyes used to be fat and lazy and now they are just fat, but straight.
I'm still eating the Olestra chips and I have to say, my ass is as fortified as ever. No anal leakage here! I also rented the 4th season of Curb Your Enthusiasm and I have to say I love it. I love it so much that I will illegally burn it and watch it again and again! HAhahahahha!
August 7th-I hate Blockbuster
I was watching Fight Club last night with my Italian stallion and about an hour and a half into it, guess what happens? Mr. Edward Norton starts skipping his lines and Meatloaf is looking fat, but he's not talking at all and then BAM! it goes blank. I hate that shit. We look at the disc and it looks like someone tried sticking their dick through the hole in the middle of the DVD. What good is "no late fees" (by the way, that's a lie, there is a late fee, they just tried to fool us by calling it a "restocking fee") when you can't watch your DVD? FUCK YOU BLOCKBUSTER! RIGHT IN YOUR ASS IS WHERE THE FUCKING SHOULD HAPPEN!
July 25th-So much meat
My dude, me and two other dudes I know decided to do a physical challenge yesterday. You've all seen the lame ass Burger King commericals with the midgets and the huge burgers, right? Well, we decided to see how many we could eat. Me, my dude and Trav (other dude #1) ate 2 of the new Quad Stackers. If you've never eaten one, I recommend keeping with that trend. They are quite big, but mostly, they are just grease. 4 meat patties, 4 cheese slices and 8 strips of bacon adorns each of those fucking burgers. I haven't eaten anything since those burgers and I never plan on eating again. Also, I had more meat to contend with today when I went and had to examine dissected cadavers in my A&P class. Mmm. The smell of alcohol and flesh really makes those burgers wanna pop up and say "BLARGGGHHH!"
July 21st-Dead things are gross
I dissected two rats on Tuesday. I never had to do that shit in high school because I never went, but in college, I'm paying for it, so I gotta go. I didn't puss out or anything though. I fucking cut the shit out of that rat. I snapped it's rib cage in half. I fucked it up. My partner was a mumbly quiet dude, who took his sweet ass time when we were dissecting, so I took the scissors from him and showed him the right was to cut the hell out of a rat. The funniest thing was right when you walked into class, there were 3 dead cats, splayed open, guts everywhere. Our teacher does not fuck around. He's all about business. Next week, cadavers.
July 14th-Blargggg!
Pirates are everywhere. Not that I mind, but it's kind of weird. They weren't savory people. All the raping and the stealing and the scurrrrrrvy. Oh well. I take that shit over a Will Smith movie anyday.
July 7th-Reviews you can schmooze
I'm starting a new page where I review products and things that I try out for the first time (or for the first time in a LONG time.) It will be the single greatest thing ever to be made and put onto a website, ever. You better fucking appreciate all that I do for you, cuz being me ain't easy. It's hard. Like a Lacrosse player looking at a roofied out drunk girl.
July 3rd-It's fucking July already?
I ditched the second half of my anatomy class to beat off some bum for two bucks and update this bitch. So it's July. Okay. Where the fuck did June go? It was like a slip and dip. (A slip and dip is quick sex technique that I just made up. Use your imagination.) I feel I didn't really get to enjoy June. Oh well.
June 29th-Up In The Sky!
I'm going to see Superman today at the IMAX theater here. Some of it is in
3-D. That sounds fucking sweet. Last time I saw a 3-D movie, I strained my eyes and they hurt for a week. Haha eyes! Fuck you! I'm doing it again! I can't wait to eat popcorn. That's my favorite thing about going to movies at the theater; the bomb-ass popcorn and the slushies. OH THE SLUSHIES! MMM. I'm talkin' bout whipped slushies, not those lame ass kinds where the small ice balls float in a vat of syrup. No no no. I'm talking real deal here.
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOG!
June 22nd- Water is wet?
I saw the stupidest sticker on a car today.. It was a UW-Madison sticker and under the school's logo it said: "School of Education." I stared at it for a while, pondering. Aren't all schools, schools of education? What would you be doing if not educating in a school? And if you weren't educating in a school, than it wouldn't be a fucking school, it would be a building. Who did they let design the school stickers? The janitors!?!? I was a fucking janitor and I can recognize redundancy, shit, I can spot these things from a mile away. What the fuck?
June 19th- Crampin' My Style
So, I usually don't talk about gross things on here. I only speak of clean, happy things like anal and dead people, but today, I am breaking all the barriers. I'm going to talk about cramps. I won't talk about tampons or blood or being super pissed off. I'll save that for another time. Anyways, cramps fucking suck. It's like someone's ringing out your uterus (guys, think lower stomach) while punching your vag. It's no fun. And pain killers don't fucking work. They only dull the pain. I hate cramps as much as Jason Voorhes hates camp counselors. Wrap your mind around that shit.
June 13th- Hardo Gay-san!
I discovered Hard Gay (Ramon Razor) yesterday from a friend. He and his show are now my favorite thing ever. This is super awesome and I really can't explain it in words because tears of joy start to form.
Other than that, nothing much. My summer school class is fucking insane and the only upside to it is that I get to see a human cadaver. But for now, I just need to memorize a fucking bunch of bones.
June 8th-All-Star Playa
These last few weeks have been pretty sweet. I got a 4.0 for my last semester at college. I also beat my brother hardcore at bowling; he got a 88 and I got a 226! BOOYAH! I ruled the alleys that night at cosmic bowling. Oh yeah. I also experienced the greatest movie ever, They Live. I've never seen it before and if you want to see more about this fantastic movie, please, keep posted, because I will be dedicating a whole page to it. It is magnificently magnificent.
May 26th-Raw Business
My bro is down from San Fran and we are going to X-Men 3 today. The World's Largest Brat Fest is also this weekend in our glorious city. The brats are only $1. Amazing. I'm going to eat as many as I can. Meat charred on a grill is one of the best things you could ever put in your mouth. I've talked before about how I have no cable, therefore I'm forced to watch less-than-perfect shows on such channels as FOX and the WB. My dude and I have been having this rivalry between McPhee and Taylor. (If you haven't seen the show, then quit reading.) Anyways, Taylor won and I am now the cock of the walk in the house. Booyah. Thank you, low level programming, thank you so very much.
May 17th- Schools Out For...A Couple Weeks
Today was my last day of classes. I handed in my essays and projects and got the fuck out of there. Booyah. A weight has lifted off my shoulders. Plus, my roomies are leaving for their anniversary, so me and my dude have the whole place to ourselves for 5 days. Can you say "super anal whipped cream rampage?"
P.S. If you are bored and think this isn't updated enough, check my myspace site, it's cool. www.myspace.com/harryhormone
May 11th-Cadaverous!
I just signed up for my summer class and my fall classes. I'm taking General Anatomy and Physiology this summer. I get to mess with a cadaver, at least, that's what the course description said. I don't think it will bother me too much. Maybe a little at first. But hey, I've been on Rotten.com and seen a bunch of Faces Of Death, so I'm prepared. Plus, dead people kinda turn me on....
May 9th-Bored
Fraiser's on TV. I just did homework. Now I'm checking my myspace page.
I'm fucking bored.
May 1st-It's My Duty To Tax That Booty
I've been summoned for jury duty. Wicked. I'm hoping fpr either a superstar murder trial or molesting pop idol trial. My fingers are crossed. But since this is a college town, it'll probably be some date-rape football player thing. I've discovered two things recently, the first is that I like turkey burgers. The second is that I hate to work out. I'm definitely not the first person you'd think of going and busting sweaty ass on a elipical machine, but I do and it sucks. But I eat like a whale, so I need to compensate somewhere. I have to ask my dad for help with summer school since all my student loan funds are used up. FUCk. I hate asking people for money. Shit, I hate asking for help period. It's really fucking lame and I don't want to do it, but I'd rather suck up my pride than be at school for another 2 years. Oh, the sacrifices.
April 22nd- Here, we likes to grill
It's tradition for us to grill whenever it gets over 50 degrees. It's a beautiful thing. I love all types of meat and sauage. I'm German, so I don't fuck with buns. They just get in the way. Fuck em. I ate too much again today. But that's expected when you grill delicious animals. Booyah. I also ate way too much sauerkraut, so my ass is paying the price.
April 17th-Slapped In The Face With A Dirty Cock
Hope everyone had a blast on Easter or, as I like to call it, Dead Hippie Bonanza. I got a chance to view some cable channels this weekend and I have to say I am not amused by all the fucking reality shows I see being crapped out. It's insane. The Food Network even has reality shows. What the fuck? "Oh, I don't think you cracked that egg right." "Oh really, well fuck you!" Next thing you know, someone gets stabbed.
To express to all the corporate television executives how I feel everytime I turn on my TV, I would have to slap them all in the face with a dirty bum's dirty cock.
April 13th-Rollerskate
I'm going rollerskating today. I'm very excited. It's been a while. I think earlier on I wrote about my disgust with rollerblades, but in case you have a life and didn't read my whole archive, let me break it down. Rollerblades are for pussies.
I have off of school tomorrow. Big ups to Jesus dying or whatever he did to get me an extra hour of sleep. Have fun this weekend, boobtards, I'm grilling out and therefore, filling out. Booyah.
April 4th-All work and no cable make Leah a sad girl
I watch Fraiser, Everybody Loves Raymond and Becker. I cannot lie. I live a sheltered and depraived life of no cable. Donate to me. Give me the luxury of channel diversity. Update on the crazy van smash-up: my insurance covers everything and my rates won't go up, so tonight; drunken joyride!
March 29th-Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
What a day! I wake up, I'm almost late for school and BOOYAH, I hit some idiot high school chicks car with my bomb-ass molester van. Dammit. More money to shit out. I had a new idea and I think it's probably the best one I've ever had. It came to me while watch American Idol. I want to make a new show called American Bum. I will search the US for the filthiest, craziest, smelliest bum I can find. The judges will be Bob Newhart, Johnny Carson (deceased) and Hulk Hogan. There will be a rap off, cook off, and beat off competition. This idea is gold. Pure gold.
March 22nd-Ready to Rock
Back in the WI and feeling fine. New York was fun. Saw some stuff. Bought some shit. Eat some things. My guy and I stood in line to get Conan O'Brien tickets, but then realized we'd have to stand there for another 3 hours in the freezing cold, said fuck it and went and ate breakfast. We then watched Conan on the TV that night in the hotel. I love Conan O'Brien. I can't even understand why anyone would like Leno or Letterman. Old people, I guess. Whatever. COB all the way, bitches!
March 10th-No Updates for a week!
I'm checking out of this hole tomorrow and I won't be back for a week. I know you will miss me when I'm gone, but just remember, we'll always have anal sex and crack. No one can ever take that away from us.
March 6th-I heart to fart!
Only five fucking days until I blow this shitbox and leave for New York. I am very excited. I went home and chilled w/ the rents this weekend. Mucho relaxation was dealt. It was wonderful. Now I'm back at work. What a sad, cruel joke life is. I had mom food. Mom's make the best food. I'm lucky if I can make a fucking piece of toast. I hate cooking. I'm not good at it and it never tastes as good as if someone else had cooked it for me. So, naturally, I let other assholes cook for me instead.
February 26th-Getting Oldier and Moldier
I turned 23 on Friday. Not much to say about it. Don't feel older. Look pretty much the same. I didn't really feel like doing anything. I did get some wicked crap though. Some books, a DVD and a kick ass blueberry pie, which I requested. I'm sick of cake. Pie is so much better. You can eat so much more of it at one time since your taste buds aren't getting ass fucked by all that sugar. Ah, pie. You are truly the greatest thing ever.
February 21st-Going to NYC!
I'm taking my break from school and going to New York for a week. I'm very excited. I don't go on trips very often because I am a chicken shit and am afraid to fly. I'm taking Amtrak. Booyah. I'm trying to get tickets to the Daily Show or Conan O'Brien. It would be so bomb ass if I got to go.
February 15th-You're In Luck!
I've been selling my stuff on ebay lately and let me tell you, it's a fucking pain in the ass. I made about $40 selling shirts and pants and shit. That would be good money if I didn't have a horrible coke habit...
February 7th-Work,blah!
I don't want to go to work today. I didn't go to work yesterday, because my friend's dad that I've known for a fucktard of a long time had surgery. I got him a stuffed buffalo. Nothin' says "Get well soon" like a big fat buffalo. Word.
January 31st-Thank you I-Pod
Other than being able to store and listen to all my Michael Bolton at once,
I-Pods are great people-keep-awayers. I don't have to worry about making any sort of contact with people. Since I am anti-social, this is like my Jesus.
January 24th-Free Burrito Day
I get a free burrito today. Granted, it is a Chipotle burrito, so I'm not looking that forward to it, but when you become a college student, you appreciate things that people give you that you do not have to pay for...unless it's an STD. Then I say, no way buster.
I think I'm going to get rid of my "love" and "hate" pages on here. They kind of suck and I don't want to add to them.
January 20th-Bullshit
So, I'm back in school again. Hangin' out. High fivin'. You know the deal. I would like a bumper sticker that said "I'd Rather Be Fucking." I think that would be pretty sweet. Much better than all those pussy ass ones out there. I'd Rather Be Beating Off" would be pretty superb also.
January 6th-Things that make you go "booyah"
Wow. I am a genius. No. I take that back. I am a fucking huge genius who will become the greatest super scientist in the world. I just received my final grades back from college for last semester. 3.875. That's 3 A's and an AB, bitches. Smart AND sexy. I better watch out. I just may have sex with myself if I'm not careful.
January 3rd-Where the fuck did 2005 go?
Let's recap 2005:
1)I rocked the cradle of awesome in school.
2)Work sucks.
3)Chuck Norris exploded into popularity. The reason: He was knighted king kick shit of Fantasticland.
4)I started the greatest website ever known to man.
So there you go. That' s all you need to know. Happy New Year, sluts!
